I saw the show today. Actually 2x4'd you on MT3B's thread. Now I feel rather badly.

What I learned during My H's affair is that leaving is so hard. All you have are good memories. You have never hit the real world with this other person. My h loved it because he got to up and leave and not worry about the kids for days, weeks on end. Not call, not visit, nothing. I saw you did the same. Well I wanted to let you know that my oldest son (I have 3 as well) has a extreme dislike for his dad. He is only 7. My H has been back now for almost a year- still stuggleing with his relationship with DS7. My M is FAR from perfect. H has a tendency to bring up the OW when he is upset with me or life. However, he is trying, and insists that this is where he belongs.

I understand you are struggleing. I could not imagine having to deal with another Child by the one person I hate in this world. I think your wife is dealing quite well. You should be greatful.

Dad- it is time to have some alone time to think. Put the kids to bed, do some soul searching. Saying you are torn worked for the first few weeks, now you are just dragging your wife, your children and this OW through the mud face down.

You need to end contact with this other person, she is not helping you she is confusing you. YOu should find another nursing home to work at. You can be a joint parent for this new life, however do not forget the current lives.

I wish you could see outside yourself and see what you are doing to your children. I am serious, my parents divorced because of an affair. It has been almost 18 years since I found out. I have gone to counseling, I still have not forgiven my mother for cheating and leaving my father. I am 26 and have been cheated on myself- still can not get over it. I wanted my parents together. Granted my dad is happily remarried to a wonderful woman and my mom married the OM- who is a great man. It does not always turn out that way. Usually does not.

Do you really want to leave mom for someone who has no respect for marriage or commitment. IF she see someone as potentionally unhappy she turns into a leach sucking the very life out? Really Dad, I want you to be happy, and I honestly think that you would be with mom,once you stop the song and dance. The music will only play for so long and then you will be left out in the cold, alone with 2 sets of child support to pay. Not to mention missing birthdays, holidays, and special events?

Just something to think on. You will do what is best for you, and your family.

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

I’ve been off this board for some time now…I saw the Dr. Phil show and wanted to say Kudos to Mom and Dad for having the courage to go on national TV and air their story. Dad that could have been me up there…unbelievable how similar most WS’s stories are. I too would be with the other woman and want to be home with my family. Then when I was home I would want to be with the OW. Being torn between two women was so hard on my soul. I was a bit luckier than you as my OW never became pregnant. December 5th will be one year of N/C after a 6-½ year affair. Let me tell you that it has been no picnic, but I made it through the pain. I have been in IC since January and that has help a lot. It has been a journey deep into my being. IC has been both enlightening and very painful. Peeling back the layers of life is no easy task. I believe it is something that each WS has to do. We can’t blame our BS’s for our failing to make the right choices. We are the ones who “sold out”. No OP can fix us, including our spouses. The support of our spouses is extremely helpful; after all they are the ones who truly love us. We need to take responsibility for our own happiness. We are the ones who need to fix ourselves. The affair and the other person give us that “high” making us feel alive. In actuality that high is just masking the pain, depression or the insecurities that lives deep within our soul. Your sons, just as my daughters deserve a Father of integrity. Do the right thing, I know you know what that is. Best of luck to you and mom.

CHRIS!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Total threadjack here.

You don't know how many times I've wondered how you are doing.

I'm still here but all recovered and so much further on than when I was "swearing like a sailor" in your name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jenny

Hi Jenny,

That's awesome on your recovery!! I'm still working on myself...Big project <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Having a real hard time getting my wife to open up and share her emotions... I hurt her bad...so all in good time...I hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Chris, you left when you thought you'd REALLY moved on and that's what always made me wonder how you were doing.

I've learned SO much in the last few months.

I remember your story so well.

The board has sort of changed but everyone who's been here for a while always says that. I think if you came back now, you'd find a different mindset. Lots of guys like you. I stick around because I seem to be able to help people.

You should check out Idiotville, it's a safe haven and a load of laughs. Which were few and far between I remember when we were all triggering on "Letting go of OM."

Edited to add: You were our honorary "girl". LOL

Jenny

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Chris! I ran across your email the other day...I am so glad you posted to dad. Hopefully he will read this thread. It said he was going to stay off the boards cuz they were emotionally spending him.

I think he still hasn't realized how much pain he has caused me and the boys. AGain, it is all about him. And with me nbeing such a big hearted person, that I am, I always want to comfort HIM instead of the other way around. I am soooo not a self absorbed person. I have always wanted to please others before plesing myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />