This is my very first post on this board, and I registered here just so I could "speak" to you. I saw the program yesterday, and through a website that I frequent (and that might be of tremendous help to you both, BTW) called survivinginfidelity.com, I discovered that you post here!
First I won't go into too much detail about myself, other than to say that I've BTDT, and am successfully reconciling with my H. Difference is, unlike your H, he has no qualms about who he wants in his life, and where he wants to be, and he is willing to do anything to repair the damage he's done. We do not have the added incredible stress of an OC, which is a good thing, because I can honestly say that there is no way on earth that I could've forgiven my H for having so little regard for his family that he wouldn't really care if OW got pregnant. I think that statement spoke volumes about who comes first in your H's heart (him) and who comes last (you). I don't know if anyone so incredibly narcissistic can be reformed, I'm not a psychologist. That being said, I'm fairly certain that your H is a certifiable narcissist, and should be treated for his disorder.
I can honestly say that I have never (well, almost never, visit the site), seen anyone less deserving of forgiveness than your H, but I also think the situation is not hopeless if you both take a stand.
Mom I sooo understand how you don't want your M to fail. You were doing the right things, being a good mom and wife then BAM, you get hit with this. First of all, know that it's not your fault. I hope you understand that, because it isn't. Not even a little bit. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman, and you're real. You can't compete with a fantasy, because that's what OW is. You know that, right?
My H once said to me "We have nothing in common" Forget that we had 3 and 6 year old boys at the time, and over a decade together, we had nothing in common because I didn't "run and bike with him like OW". Ummmm, she's a single woman with no children, perhaps if she would babysit your sons, I would then be free to run with you. I'm just pointing out how utterly stupid these statements are that WS make. Just like your H being bored. He wouldn't be bored if he called you from work, told you to get a sitter, get dressed up and to meet him for a drink and dinner after work, would he? Of course not.
Please don't take offense by what I'm going to say. Let's not forget the OW's role in all of this, because she most definitely has one. OK, so your H is either too dumb or too horny not to see how he was played like a fiddle? OW TRAPPED him by getting getting pregnant.
Dad, this is for you..how are you not seeing that? Can't you see how manipulative she is? Nice, moral "friends" well, they don't have affairs to begin with but for sure they don't purposely get pregnant (and make no mistake, that is exactly what she did) and cause that kind of pain to your innocent, beautiful children. Shame on you both, and get the blinders off. This woman is scheming and vicious. If she makes you feel so good, go to her. Leave your wife alone, let her rebuild her self-esteem and her life. Your constant fence sitting is hurtful. What are you waiting for? Pick what you know you have with a woman and children who, despite better judgement, love you and will forgive you, or pick a scheming, goldigging tramp who makes you feel good. Your choice but enough is enough, make a decision.
Now, Mom. Please, tell dad to go away. Don't let him come back until he can tell you with all certainty that he loves you and only you, will have NC with OW, and will do whatever it takes to reconcile. He can certainly maintain NC at least until OC is born. H isn't dumb enough to fall for OW phoney pleas for attention by claiming porblems with the pregnancy is he? Too bad, she can go to the doctor, she knows where to find them.
Sheesh, I'm sorry, I have so much more to say but just got called to an emergency.
Good luck and be strong. Mom you and your boys deserve more, demand it!
