Went to NC with cake eating WH 2 wks ago. He left the country a wk ago and will be gone another wk. Told him I would only talk about kids/money. He agreed to this--like he had much choice. We have been separated 6 wks and up until now have still been having family outings and kids know we have been talking a lot. We have had many heart to hearts with me trying to help him sort thru his problems. After our last big session I asked if he had gone to NC with the OW. He said (very casually) that no, he wasn't ready to do that. So then I went to NC with him. So, how do I explain it to the kids? I am not going to tell them about the A, so please don't even suggest it. I know they are going to wonder and question this, and I'm not sure about the best way to explain this.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't tell them the truth. They deserve to know the truth and will eventually find out even if you don't tell them. It doesn't do anyone any good to cover up for his affair, least of all the kids.

The A is an issue between he and I. Just because my husband is disrepecting me, is no reason to make my children disrepect him. I am not going to play tit for tat. I realize that this is against MB principles, but I have my own set of principles, and I am the only one who has to live with them. I made it quite clear in my orig post that I was not going to tell my children about the A. Frankly, I have all but stopped posting here b/c I don't really need anyone else's judgment of how I am handling my life if I choose not the follow the "rules."

I don't think it's really fair that you ask for advice and then get upset by the advice that you are given. It's just that advice, no one is telling you that you have to do it.

Mystified, I gave you my opinion on your question because I thought that was what you wanted: opinions. I am certainly not going to help you fabricate a lie to grown children to help you hide your H's secret.

I am sorry I couldn't give you the answer you were looking for and won't post to you again.

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Ditto kloe72.

I would also add that as I parent I also struggled with this question.

The only way to do NC and NOT tell my children is to lie to them. They have one parent doing that and don't need another. It needs to be age appropriate, but I believe it can be done.

IMHO, your H is not only disrespecting you, he is disrespecting his children and family. He is belittling every one of you each time he speaks with OW. If your children disrespect him for HIS ACTIONS, that is his own doing. At this point, they are respecting him because they don't know any better. He doesn't deserve their respect.

This is exactly what I told my WH and again, is just my opinion.

If you don't want to tell them, don't. It's your family and only you know what you should do. No one is judging YOU for that choice.

As to your original question, I can't imagine how you would explain NC without being dishonest with them.