He volunteered for storm duty in the Bahamas and will be gone for two months. He had been living with the OW for about a month. I didn't think I could cry anymore. But somehow the pain has resurfaced again. <P>He never said that this would be time for him to get his head together. Only that he wanted to leave his car with me---because "only spouses are insured to drive it---and well, you're my spouse". I felt like saying for how much longer, but I didn't. What if he comes back and returns to her? What will I do?

Scaredsilly,<P>Are you still here tonight? I am really sorry you are so afraid of what he might do when he returns.<P>Is there anything that you can work on while he is gone? Anything that you would like to do in this life but never had the time?<P>Maybe you could send him a phone card so he can contact you once in a while?<P>I hope you feel better tomorrow. I hate it when my husband has out of town trips, it makes me feel insecure all over again.<P>We are here for you. <P>{{{hugs}}}

Thanks TNT. I signed off at about 11:30 p.m. Had to get up early to send my daughter off to school. Thank goodness for some routine.<P>Yes, there are a lot of things I wish to do while he's gone. It is just very difficult to be up enough to tackle them. Maybe I should go the Zoloft route. But I don't want to become dependent on medication.<P>Hopefully, as time passes each day will be easier. Right now, the days seem like weeks, the weeks like months, and the months seem like an eternity. <P>I don't know if he can or will call me. The island he is going to may not have phone lines up and working yet. But he did make a note of my e-mail address before he left. I have no idea of where he will be staying. He didn't know either when he left only that he would meet up with someone in Nassau.

hi scaredsilly,<BR>How are you doing today? I hope a little clearer, the tears should have dried up by now since we have a limited supply! <BR>My h was gone for quite awhile this spring-I think it was about 100 days. I am not so sure that it was a bad thing at all in my case. I know that it is hard right now to believe that there are any positives. there are-they are hidden but they are there!!<BR>The time away from H gave me a chance to reflect on many things that I wouls not have had with him here. <BR>I spent a lot of the time on myself. Finding out what I really wanted from this relationship. Trying to figure out if the realtionship was something I even wanted to work on. Identifying my needs, not only in the relationship but as a person and a mom. What is my calling in life Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 20 yrs? What is important to me, not for daily living but for my heart and soul to feel whole.<BR>Focus on yourself and your daughter. What do you want your daughter to see in you. Show her the strengths that you want her to grow with. <BR>How old is your daughter? Any other kids?<BR>It can be a very positive experience for all of you. Try to look at yourself and search for what you need. H being gone will give you a chance to do that. You will not be so focused on the relationship and the troubles. They are really on hold for a couple months. <BR>THe phones may well be down for quite awhile there, but you can write. No lovebusters!! <BR>(((hugs)))

cl,<BR>I'm feeling a little better today, thanks for asking. I'm just going through the motions now. Trying to put my house in order (painting, getting rid of clutter, etc.), keeping up my job search and being there for my daughter. <P>I have only the one child. She's nearly seven. She is having a hard time dealing with his absence, knowing she won't see him for two months. After I told her he was leaving for the Bahamas, she said "Don't they know he has a child!" I couldn't tell her the truth---that he volunteered. <P>I don't feel like focusing on myself at the moment. In time I hope that I will be in the mood for reflection. Maybe in a week when his absence hits home I will.

hi ss, how are you doing? Use the time for something you want and need!! Just reminding you of what you already know.

H leaving the country for awhile is maybe a good thing. He is not only leaving you but her also. If he was that happy about being with her do you think he would have been so quick to volunteer to get away from her? Now is your chance to get your own thoughts in order. Maybe start sending him letters from you and your daughter. Have your daughter draw him some pictures ect. Don't pressure him but let him know just how much he is missed. <BR>I know how you are feeling. My H has been living with OW for 2 mos now. The romance is now over though and he is just waiting for my ok to come back home. I want him home in the worst way but I'm just waiting a little bit to be sure that his feelings for OW are indeed over.

Cl and crazy or what,<BR>Thanks for your responses. I feel much better today although last night I was very distraught (see my post "I was worried sick all day and I wonder what for?").<P>Am keeping busy doing all the things around the house I have never gotten around to before. In a week or two, I will start concentrating on myself.<P>I am not going to call my H or send him any thoughtful e-mails. He was borrowing the computer to send me an e-mail, for that purpose only. This suggests to me that he does not want contact nor does he have access to the computer daily. If he calls me, I will ask for his address otherwise I will not contact him. <BR>

hi ss, just a thought about you daughter. THis is a great opportunity to give her some geography lessons and to place a realistic personal view on some of the humanitarian things people do. YOur daughter may see it as a loss, but she should also see it as a way for her to share her heart with those less fortunate. It is a rare opportunity that we have to teach our kids these lessons. She can see and feel it first hand from her dad. Can you encourage her dad to write her e-mails about what he sees and does everyday? How he feels about his surroundings, his mission there?

Hi, cl. That's a great idea. He called tonight and she spoke with him so she was feeling very sad at bedtime. Kids are such troupers! I never realized before how adept she was in putting on a cheerful front. Much better than me!

Hi, Scaredsilly: Hope you are feeling better this morning. Just read the post that Toronto 29 put out, asking where everyone was from. So, you're living in Whitby? The OW (my sister) used to live there, up until a few months ago. Geez, could have used you last year, when I needed to know if H was at her apartment. <BR>I have a nephew who works at GM. Lots of cousins, nieces, nephews living in Bowmanville/Courtice. Talk about a small world.<BR>I moved from Scarborough to Northern Ontario, 2 years ago. Don't want to say where, as it is a REALLY small town, although we're on the outskirtsof it. I have a neighbour down the road, whose H works in the city all week, and just comes home for weekends. He's a very flirtatious guy/ego booster, so who knows, his wife might be one of the posters here. Stranger things have happened!<BR>We were at a wedding in Oshawa last Saturday. Really do miss the city at times, although not the traffic, but definately the shopping. Well, must go. Keep a positive attitude, and take care of yourself and your daughter.<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Hi why me. It certainly is a small world. I have lived in Whitby for ten years now. I grew up in TO. I like the small town? (compared to TO) atmosphere but hate the dearth of jobs here. Did the commuting bit by GO train for 4 years before my daughter was born. I hated those eleven hour days. Now I miss the shopping, and the people and all the excitement that the city has to offer. <P>The OW was your sister? Ouch! that must have hurt. I'm glad your's is a success story. I hope that I can say the same in a years time. Meanwhile, I will keep my chin up! Thank you for asking! <P>

Hi again! If you think you are lacking in the shopping area, you should be living where I am. Our nearest "town" has a population of 1100 people. You got a Mom and Pop hardware store, bank, barber shop, hairdresser, bakery, post office. Not too many more stores on the "main street." It is virtually a crime free area, where everyone goes out without locking their doors. Big difference from Scarborough, where we had an alarm system throughout the house.<BR>We are away from the town, in a really rural area, with lots of cows, etc. Everyone who drives by, waves, whether we know them or not, and the farmers are busy on the tractors, getting the hay ready for the winter.<BR>We just bought 10 laying hens, and 2 ducks. We let them out of their coop every day, and now that they're used to us, they follow us all over the yard. This morning, one of the chickens followed my H right up to the front door, and tried to come in. <BR>Our county fair starts this Friday, and I volunteered to help in the food booth. I did it last year as well. The women take this responsibility very seriously. Because I'm from the city, they took great care showing me how to put the weiner in the bun, to prepare the hot dog for presentation. Guess they figure I was raised eating Taco Bell, and KFC? They mean well, but sometimes, I really have to laugh to myself. <BR>Well, should go. The morning comes early around here. Take care, and nice talking to a "neighbour."<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

I like that. Chickens following your H to the door. My daughter would find that hysterically funny. Do you have any children?<P>I enjoy driving through the countryside, especially in the fall, although here in Whitby, the farms keep getting further and further away. My daughter and I often visit the conservation areas around here, namely Lynde Marsh, where the chickadees feed from your hand. Unfortunately, it's not quite the same anymore. There is a subdivision being developed just east of it, and recently, I read in the paper that they had to remove the outhouses and install some fencing as men had been observed (even in broad daylight!) performing illicit acts in the bushes. May as well live in the city!<P>Before he left, my H had arranged for the exterior of the house to be painted and the carpets cleaned. He claims however, that it is not part of his move, just part of his "master plan to prevent interior water damage". That's insurance adjusting talk! albeit sarcastic. If my H and I ever divorce (neither of us has mentioned the D word yet), I don't know if I want to stay here. Too many memories in this house. <P>Anyways, it was nice talkin to ya neighbour! <BR>Keep those dogs acoming on the barbeque!<BR>

Hey, SS: I know what you mean about the developing in your area. We moved to Scarborough, 26 years ago, and the area we moved into, didn't even have bus service. We used to go the corner farm and pick fresh corn, tomatoes, and green beans. Now, it is overrun with developments, which is one of the reasons for us leaving. Still miss the hustle and bustle, sometimes. Don't miss the violence, etc.<BR>We have two grown sons, 28 (29 next month) and 34. They are both married, and both have a son and a daughter. The boys are both 6 (just turned) and one granddaughter will be 3 in November, and the other one will be 2 on the 27th. of this month. We are going to a party at son's house, this Saturday, for the boy and girl.<BR>That was the only disadvantage moving so far from them. We don't get to see them near as often as we would like, but when we do, it makes it that much more special.<BR>H and I just got back from marriage counselling. Sometimes, I thnk that I am taking one step forward, and two steps back. I have always been one to try and please everyone, at all costs. Guess I have a "martyr" complex. I have now been taking a different attitude with things that bother me. When anyone (especially my H) used to ask me what was wrong, I would always say "nothing." Then things would work themselves up inside my stomach, until I would just explode. <BR>With the help of our counsellor, I have taken on the attitude that I would now be totally honest with my feelings. Well, it's not working as well as I had hoped!<BR>I brought an incident up that happened on Monday night, and of course my H said that I was the one in the mood, not him. I asked him to explain why he would think that. What actions did I display, that made him think that. He couldn't. So our counsellor told me that it was his problem, and he would have to deal with it! Not me!!<BR>He is usually pretty good, as long as things are directed my way, but when he is put on "the spot" things tend to get a little crazy. For the most part though, things are much better than they were. I still would like much more honesty than he is willing to give me. Afraid that is something that I will have to deal with, I guess.<BR>BTW: If you want to exchange e.mail addresses, please feel free to do so. I don't want to put my address up, as I had someone trying to get into my e.mail messages, awhile back, and it spooked me. Can't give you my hotmail # either, as it is my full name, and I am not quite ready for that yet. If you want to exchange letters, leave your e.mail address at the bottom of this post. If not, there is no problem at all.<BR>I was thinking that maybe all of the "Toronto" people could get together and meet, at a central area, so none of us would have to travel too far. What do you think?<BR>Anyway, must go for now. I picked up material and a pattern, to make my granddaughter a Hallowe'en costume. Her mom wants her to be a devil, and believe me, it is a perfect outfit for her. She's the one that will be 2 next week. Nice talking to you, and hope we can exchange letters.<P>Take care of yourself, and your daughter.<BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

why me,<BR>Is there that many people in the Toronto area? Do you think that they would want to meet? I'm just not sure they would but it's worth a try. I wonder if any have considered the idea in the States. However, they have a lot more distance to cover. <P>Sorry, I'm late to reply but I was being bad last night. I was hunting around for something when I stumbled across a reference card for my H's phone at work. It listed the buttons to press for saving messages, checking messages, etc. At the bottom of it there was handwritten numbers. Curiousity got the better of me. I guess I was hoping that I would hear any messages the OW had left him, as well as seeing if he had saved any of mine. There were no messages on his office phone but sure enough! it was also his cell phone password. No messages there either.<P>I did find out however, that he must have heard my message from last Saturday, the night before he left for the Bahamas. In that message, I said I loved him and would not let go until he tells me he doesn't. Mistake? maybe. But two weeks ago, after I informed my daughter he had in fact moved out, she asked him on the phone if he didn't love me anymore. He then explained to me that he waffled on his answer because he felt it was a bit too heavy. I don't know how to take that. What do you think? It's probably just as well I didn't discover his password months ago. A lot of good it does me now though....<P>Yes, it would be nice to exchange e-mail letters. Mine is hsinc@sympatico.ca. I only have 60 hours a month of internet time on my plan so I may be slow to respond sometimes. <P>Bye for now.