I have not moved yet. Do have a few things over there so far.

I know its going to be so ugly. Why is he blaming me? He says I'm crazy? Do normal people live the way we do?


Report cards came out today. My
very bright DD has 2 (almost 3) failing grades. SHe is a junior.
Called H to please stop home to discuss report card. I told him that I want him
to have a part in deciding what to do about DD grades.

He said I need to be more strict, that I need to put my foot down, then he proceeded
to tell me for the 1000th time thats where I screwed up with my older DD. It's my fault
she cannot hold a job ect..blah blah blah

I stood up and told him we are not discussing older DD. This is about his and my DD. Older
DD graduated 4 years ago. Our DD has failing grades and we need to do something....I refused
to argue with him.

So I catch hell for involving him and hell for not involving him....

After we made decisions on what to do with DD I said that I have a few questions to ask that only
require a yes or no answer. He started rolling his eyes, said here we go again....I said I do not, nor am I looking for a fight. Just some
answers to some questions. No arguments, just Yes or No....A no brainer...He reluctantly sat back down.

I asked him if he wanted to save this marriage.
His answer....YES

I asked if he is willing to negociate.
His answer YES

I asked him if he is willing to go to MC.
His answer YES

I asked him if he is willing to separate for awhile.
First he said NO...then he said YES

I asked him if he is willing to move.
His answer a very loud NO

I asked him if he would consider moving so that our DD would not have to move.
He said NO, she could stay with him. I told him no, she will stay with me whether I stay
here or live elsewhere and that it will be hard on her to move.
No stood fast with NO, he will not move.

I asked him if he is willing to quit drinking.
His answer an angry NO

I asked him if he is willing to go to AA.
His answer...FOR WHAT??

Then he said "Are you willing to see a F***ing psychiatrist?, cause you sure need one."

Then he said he has told all his friends and family that he is a worthless, piece of sh*t,
F***ing drunk not worth a G**Damn, ect...........blah blah blah
(I wanted to say..and they agreed right?) But I don't dare say that to him.

In other words he has told his friends and family that I consider him a worthless blah blah blah...

So where in the heck do I go from here? My IC called him early this week. He agreed to come talk to her, made appt. and then canceled couple days later. Had another meeting he had to attend at the same time. He did reschedule for next Tuesday. We'll see if he goes.

Found an AlAnon meeting. Was very disapointed. Only 5 women there. One dominated the whole hour with bull****. Waste of time. Looking for another group now.

So thats the story. Just more of the same and more denial.

Danneill

Danneill,

Take your daughter and get the hell out of there. You are not crazy, her grades are not your fault! Her grades are the least of your worries right now. But her happiness and ability to grow into a normal, happy young woman is.

Take her away to a home where there is no alcoholism, no conflict, no angry energy and let her blossom like she was meant to do.

You are not crazy. If you can't find an Al-anon program you like, then find anything that will give you strength and peace that you are doing the right thing.

You are you know (doing the right thing). Leave his alcoholic, abusive, insanity behind. Let him fight his demons alone, and then you will all have a chance at happiness.

Do you have some girlfriends, sisters, anyone who could help you at this point to move out?

Danneill,

You said you live in SE Michigan, is it by Tecumseh? I am going to be down in that area over Thanksgiving, my sister and some friends would be more than happy to come help you move, if you need us to. I am very serious about that. Please let me know.

Do you think he would hurt you if you left? Or do you think he would just drink himself into stupidty and make a lot of noise?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you think he would hurt you if you left? Or do you think he would just drink himself into stupidty and make a lot of noise? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really don't know the answer to that. I've never tried.

He'll probably get drunk and may kick my door in especially if or when he finds out I have transfered half our savings to my own acct. I will call the police next time he gets mean. I promise you that.

Thankyou Weaver for the generous offer to help. I live on the SW side of the state, way out of your way. Tomarrow my nephew and brother are going to help me. I have plenty of willing family to help me,... I just need the balls.

I would love to meet you sometime. Which way do you come down from the north?

I know being here is not good for my DD. Spoke with her a bit today about it. I even told her that I again asked her dad to move so she would not have to. She said she does not want to stay with him. Hope to get her in IC next week.

He'll probably go drink tonight since I brought that up today. Also I know he has already spoke to his mom. She called my DD about her grades ect... so he's back to telling all that I am psychotic.

At least my family has finally learned the truth about him. He used to tell my brother all sorts of crap. My brother now knows to only believe 1/2 or less.
Danneill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think the IC is a very good idea for your daughter, and that you are both leaving.

Get some pepper spray and keep the phone handy at all times.

I come down I75 then take 27 to 50 through the Irish Hills.

Would love to meet you sometime too.

Please stay strong!