Many people have asked if I thought my H was doing this out of revenge...has anyone done this or had it done to them and it was explained to them? Are they intentional? or does the S do it and realize that is the reason behind it after they come out of fog?

Revenge affairs usually happen within a shorter space of time.... my thought is that after your affair four years ago, your marriage did not sufficiently recover and this new affair is the unhappy result.

What do you think? How has your marriage been since he dday in 2000?

~ Snow

I read your story and it sounds like your H was terribly hurt when he discovered that you were e-mailing your ex [though not your OM] after he told you not to. The fact that you continued e-mailing this man probably opened up his old wounds from your affair of 4 years ago that he just emotionally checked out of the marriage. Your H [now WH] was vulnerable to an affair of his own and this OW [like a virus] came into your WH's life in May and just like an infection, his affair was born. Was it born out of revenge? I doubt it but after his affair took off, an element of getting back at you might have taken ahold of his emotions ['Now SHE will know what if feels to be betrayed']. Don't get me wrong, what he is doing is WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! [did I say it was wrong?] and destructive to all parties involved. What can you do? Stop all love busting and check out Dr Robert Huizenga's 7 Powerful Tactics to Break Free From The Affair and Stop it NOW! and 12 Unattractive, Ugly, Typical Tact...he Affair and Guarantee Their Own Misery. No matter what happens on a daily basis, tell yourself constantly "I Will Make It" until you truly beleive it.

TooMC...you hit it right on the head...he has actually said that to me in many different conversations.
Since you have some insight...why did it take him driving 17 hours to Phoenix, see her (and supposivly her roommate and boyfriend), me finding out he wasn't hunting...all to finally decide...oh, crap...I'm NOT ready to give up.

He said the driving time has given him the time to come to all of this.
I think when he got there, she wasn't all she was cracked up to be...even now while he is on his way home, he said it has nothing to do with her.

I don't know...who knows.

Loving

Just like too much alcohol makes every man/woman look gorgeous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , cybering can equally distort reality.