I found out last night through WW that Om is not divorce yet. WW states that it is suppose to be finalized this MO. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> WW still wants to see hope for us. Still dropping hints. Stating tnings like. If it make you feel anybetter Om will be going out to sea alot for test trials between now and his deployment in March. I guess they usually last 2 weeks at a time, but she said that he will be gone for the whole mo. of Jan.
This explains why she has kept throwing Jan in our conv. as to give her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> WW got connected up to internet yesterday at her apt. Gave kids there own email acct. They where excited. Tried to say this is the main reason. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I had asked WW to give me her email address so i can forward he email from my account. WW refuses because she thinks i will be able to hack her acct. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I did this when she lived here. Expl to her i couldn't do it from remote location and without a password.
I know WW really doesn't want to give it to me d/t she has same internet service and i would be able to tell when she was online. I know she probably set this whole internet service up just so she can maintain contact with OM while he is out to see <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Of course she admits or doesn't admit to any of this.
Here is my Situation.
I know OM home ph# not sure if he is really living there or not. Want to know if it would do anygood to talk with OM and give him the whole picture of what is going on. I know WW is not talking to him about any of her feelings that she still has for me. I know my name probably never enters their convo. anytime they are together. Unlike when WW and i talk he is always in our convo. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Does anyone think this would do anygood??? Or i am wasting my time and probably pushing the wedge down further between WW and I. She would find out and no doubt be very upset and angry, but it could also help allow her to step out of this fog and examine what going on. Or it could push them closer together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Don't know what to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Could i be wasting my time and effort and doing more damage this way??
OM maybe out of picture while he out to sea physically, but she still would be talking with him via internet and he still has excuse to come back to her apt. because his crap is still there.
Opinions and thoughts please.
Jets

Hi, Jets. So that OM is in the Navy? My WH is too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Couldn't find the beginning of your thread so am unclear with your story.

Have you exposed the A to the OW yet? That should come before the OM talk. I don't know if it is a good idea to talk to the OM. Can you stay calm? Have you ever met him? Faith in Me talked to the OW in her sitch and she handled it beautifully. But, it is very hard to do. If you decide to do it, I would write down the facts and then practice. YOu don't want to come across as a crazy person or as a desperate person, right?

Other more experienced folls will be laong to help soon, I am sure.

{{{Jets}}}}

Hi Jets,

I wouldn't bother trying to talk with the OM... He's just going to lie to you. And I wouldn't worry about pushing your W and OM closer together... she's already shown you that she's going to maintain contact with him.

Since OM is in the Navy, you need to give his Commanding Officer or Master Chief Petty Officer a call and let them know that one of THEIR sailors is messing around with YOUR wife...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I agree with Rebuilding In Faith 90 about contacting the OM's commanding officer and letting him know that he is committing adultery with another man's W. If he cares more for his military career than for your WW, then he is going to drop her like yesterday's bad news.

Thanks for response all.
problem with reporting him, is i Promised Ww that i wouldn't do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and that was prior to separation. If i did do it would that not look to her that well here my BS he can't keep his word on anything why would i want to go back to someone who can't keep his word. Second problem is that i would have to call his currently separated, as far as i know, wife and try to get his command info. ship. Plus i really have no proof. Currently wife and i have filled paper work out for separation but i have not rec'd the paperwork back from lawyer. My lawyer had also advised not to report him, but to let this affair die out on it's own.
I report him WW would be extremely p.o.'d, i guess i should say OH well in that case.
Maybe call his wife see if she would give me info. and let her know what has been going on.
jets

Jets...(2x4 coming so duck)...you need to do yourself a favor and realize that this is not a game and that you need to sh!tcan that concept of "fair" that you're carrying around. This is your wife and your marriage! This is a war you've been invited to, and the sooner you take off your "kid gloves" the better.

Get the name and number of OM's XO (Executive Officer) and expose this guy! Commit these two words to memory MORAL TURPITUDE, let your wife hear it, let the OM hear it...let this guy's XO hear it...and then stand back!

<small>[ November 13, 2004, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: Ron53 ]</small>

Jets:

(another 2 x 4 coming in now ) I think you have beaten this thing into the ground. I don't think you are ready for plan B. You are holding onto any kernel of hope that your WW throws your way. YOu haven't exposed the OM. Who gives a rat's A$$ what you promised your wife about this. SHE IS FORSAKING YOUR VOWS AND SCREWING ANOTHER MAN. PLease WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!!You are moving into doormat territory and it only goes down hill from there. I don't offer any marriage building advice, only best wishes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jets... I don't know if there's much point in contacting OM. It sounds like a complicated, stressful can of worms that is unlikely to do any good anyway.

If you mean to show him that he shouldn't trust your W... he'll learn that in time I think.

I don't recommend contacting him. But every BS deals with this question in his own way, and MB doesn't adress it much. I prefer to focus on my M as the legitimate relationship, and dismiss OM as someone with too many rocks in his head to see any reason anyway.

GC

Ron, and Lemmonman,
Thanks for the 2x4's. I have called a naval personal and have obtained number for local JAG ofc. Spoke with this naval chaplain personel and told him briefly of sit. He stated that by doing this it would put a hold on his future adv. for 5 years, would remain on his record for 5 years.
Tried to call Jag ofc. of course SAt there is no one there. Will try a chaplain that is on that base. Naval personal stated same things you all did. Who cares what your WW said now. Is it Om career or your marriage.
I will cont. to persue this, Mon. when there is someone there in the JAG ofc.
**** will hit the fan once WW finds out, but it has already hit and been blown all over the place for me as far as i am concern.
jets

Good deal jets...'bout time somebody got [censored] on besides you!

Take some time for yourself...I know full well it's not easy, but relax. Loosen your grip abit and realize that most of what's happening is outside of your control.

Thanks for reponse gray, and ron,
gray-i am not going to contact OM or his wife, as you said it maybe at this time opening a whole nother can of worms. Beside i don't know what is really going on in the sit. nor do i care.
ron-I have decided though to expose this man to his command. I Haven't been successful today d/t weekend but i am planning call the JAG ofc. on mon. I was told by a naval personal who gave me the number to Jag ofc. that it would probably take a few weeks to get things going with this but the process would start. This maybe good for me, d/t Om supposedly going out to sea for a few weeks and when he comes back maybe that is when he will have to face his commanding ofc. and Jag ofc. I know this is not a layed back way, but i feel it is something that i must do. I have never felt comfortable keeping that promise from WW that i wouldn't report him and though i have and will break that promise to her,hopefully maybe this will allow her to come out of her fog and really see the reason why i did it. To save our marraige. And that is if this works and this 20yr senior chief values his career vs. his affair relationship with my wife. I am hoping an praying that he will choose his career.
I know i will not expect much from WW other than angriness or bitterness for a while but hopefully once dust settles she will realize ,because i love her, why i did what i am going to do.
I am not ready for plan B yet. Maybe after this i will be pending on what WW conts. to do with OM. if so i have letter written and ready to go.
I feel this is my last ditch effort to hopefully break this affair up and get my WW out of her fog otherwise this could cont. indefinitely with her cont. feeding me a small kernal of hope and stringing me along.
Wish me luck and strength because the stew is about to get stirred!
jets

Jets,

Penny R Tupy ['Cerri' on the MB forums] the founder of Save Your Marriage Central has stated that Plan A is not about being nice. Sure you avoid all love busters but Plan A is also about exposing the affair to those closest to the WS and OP so that the affair gets a lethal dose of reality and speeds up its death. As she has said often, "Plan A has nothing to do about playing nice".

Ok i am going to proceed to do this, but is it kind of late now to do this being the WW is out of my house and that we are almost legally separated and that she is the one the reinitiated the affair?
I probably know my own answer to this, but provide me another 2x4 please.
jets

JETS:

JUST DO IT !!!!! You are in the 4th qr with NO TIMEOUTS, you are backed up to the 10 yard line, and the fat lady is warming up. At this point, throw the F-ing caution to the wind. DEspite what you may think, you have nothing to lose. How much worse could things get for you my friend? YOu are NOT LIVING IN THIS LIFE, you are watching it pass you by while your wife steamrolls any semblance of manhood you have left. Call me an a-hole or whatever, but I can't sit by idly by and watch you do this to yourself and say nothing. You can refuse to post to me -that is ok, but you need BLIND HONESTY now buddy. Get your self respect and dignity back, and DO THIS.

Jets,

I agree with lemonman and his tone. Exposure has NEVER ended a M, secrecy ALWAYS will.

Ok Lemmonman and Cym,
I still will going to call JAG ofc. on MOnd. i really don't know how much good it will do, really have no evidence anymore to present them. I unfortunately destroyed it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> back last summer when we where in recovery. I do have a name and know his rank and type of ship that he is on. I do know my kids as well as his kids witnessed him being in my house overnight on the 4ht of July weekend.
I really don't want to end this guys career i just want him to get out of mine and my WW life.
It is worth a shot, like you all said what do i have to lose, i have all the more to possibly gain.
WW again met me for my older sons football party,
very friendly again alot of hugging some hand holding and occs. kisses. Told me i smelled good d/t after shave but no ILY's and i did not initiate any of them. Maybe a full week with the kids and without adult to talk to for long period of a time, is getting to her a little or maybe i am just being strung along in case OM doesn't work out. I tried to remain cautious and not let myself get too wrapped up into her actions tonight. I still feel she is still cake eating, i don't know sometimes she really messes me up sometimes.
I will call Jag mon. Tired of this crap it has gone on for 11mo. now and i am over it.
If anything comes out of this, it will be a litte test for OM to see who he values more my WW or his beloved 20yr naval career. I taking the later. Anyone else in??
jets

Jets,

OK... 2x4's on the way...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I really don't want to end this guys career i just want him to get out of mine and my WW life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOU are not ending this dirtbag's naval career... he's done this all by himself by sleeping with YOUR wife!!!

I don't understand your concern for this OM or for your W's "feelings"... if you want a chance to rebuild your M, you MUST expose the A to the OM's W and to his chain of command.

Your W has already left your home... so what if she gets mad at you for exposing the A... Sorry to be so blunt here, but come on, you sound like you want to save your M, yet you still worry about the OM???

Don't call him. Don't even worry about what's going to happen to him. He's a grown man and has taken it upon himself to try and STEAL your W away from you and distroy your M...

You W will be angry, but I'll bet that once the OM's chain of command rips into him, that she'll eventually come back to you...

Semper Fi,
RIF90