There are so many people in such different occupations with different areas of experience and expertise on this board.

Lets please put our heads together to help him and her.

Lets start with prayers.

I just want to make sure that all of you who pray will see this and pray that FM's little 13 yr DD comes home quickly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong> I just want to make sure that all of you who pray will see this and pray that FM's little 13 yr DD comes home quickly. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Weaver...it's in the courts hands as well now. When she ran away for over a month the courts got involved, and now that she has run away again from her temporary group home i fear for her future...

Thanks for your sincere hopes Weaver...I pray constantly for her safe return.

FM, I will pray for safe return of your daughter.

FF

<small>[ November 13, 2004, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: faithful follower ]</small>

bump for FM's little girl.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong> bump for FM's little girl. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My mother just called to check on me, to make sure I'm not taking things too hard. My mom says she's been receiving mysterious telephone hangups, we both believe its my D, her GD who's calling. We are 99% sure its my D who's calling and that would mean she's at least able to call right? I've been told that GOD never gives us more than we can handle, I hope I don't let him down.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Praying for you and your daughter, m'man.

dewt

Yes, that probably means she can call. Probably wanting to come home now, but is scared everyone is mad at her. Probably doesn't want to go back to group home, but misses her grandma and parents.

I will keeps her in my prayers all night FM.

I am so sorry for you, and for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong> Yes, that probably means she can call. Probably wanting to come home now, but is scared everyone is mad at her. Probably doesn't want to go back to group home, but misses her grandma and parents.

I will keeps her in my prayers all night FM.

I am so sorry for you, and for her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Dewt and Weaver,
My focus is on my kids from here on in. I guess I was sidetracked trying to recover this M thinking get the M back on course and the children will follow. I always thought my D really needed her mom, but I guess the emotional neglect my D endured while mom pursued R with much younger OM really damaged that fragile Mother and Daughter bond. I also think my D had to be mad at someone so of course it's DAD, for not stopping mom from doing things...even my S said it a few minutes ago...Dad where is mom?? She can't leave, she's gotta listen to you, you're the dad!!!

My son is too young to understand, and my D is too immature to express her feelings constructively and my W is too fogged to care!

Okay I'm getting depressed..me and the boy are ordering pizza....want some <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Poor child! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...back to group home...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does it mean please?

I was a runaway at 15. And look at me... I turned out all right... ok... don't look at me...

Seriously, I just want you to know that our kids are usually smarter than we think they are. We get distracted by their amazing lack of wisdom. And of course sometimes we adults don't always set the best examples...

dewt

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Belonging to Nowhere:
<strong> Poor child! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...back to group home...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does it mean please? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well my daughter followed her mothers lead and ran away about 3 times. The 1st time I sat up on the couch waiting for her everynigth for the 2weeks she was gone, she came home and after 2days she ran away again! The 2nd time...she was gone for a month! We couldnt find her, but the cops did...when they arrested her for destruction of property and breaking an entering. I took this charge as an opportunity to get my D some help, see in Maryland they are overburdened with young adult offenders but if you push and present your case correctly you can get your child involved in some state funded programs. My D and W have not been communicating very well (go figure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) so I spearheaded getting my daughter into a mentoring program, individual counseling and I thought these things would help her deal with her issues plus give her someone else to talk to besides her mother and I. The only catch was my D was now on probation and when the state spends money on you they will act if you screw up,and screw up she did.

This last runoff was the last straw at least for them feeling she can be controlled or trusted to go to school and return home as ordered in her court order. When they finally found my D after being missing for over a month it was because she got in some more trouble, but thats a blessing because there are so MANY runaways no one looks for them, they just wait for a runaway to screw up and get picked up somewhere. So anyway once they found her she had a charge for assault, she had broke her probation, she had cut school for the majority of the year and they saw her as a flight risk so they sent her to a Juvenile Center for a few days until they could find her a group home to attend. The group home is not a bad place, she has her own room, she has chores, she gets to come home on the weekends, she has couseling the only problem is if she screws up meaning runs away or cuts school then she gets sent back to a Juvenile Center, the Juvenile Center is like a jail for kids, you sleep on a bunk, you share a room, the doors are mechanical, lights are on a timer as is everything you do during your stay, you get searched the whole works.

I never wanted this to happen to my D infact the last time I was with her, I went to conference with her administrators about her absences, grades and attitude. I sat in a room of 6 administrators and my D was there defiant and belligerent. I said to her with tears and firmness...

"Jasmine going to school is not an option its a requirement, coming home isnot an option its a reguirement, YOU MUST GO TO SCHOOL, YOU MUST COME HOME, YOU MUST BE SAFE, if you do not allow me to PARENT YOU, I am going to LOSE MY RIGHT TO PARENT YOU!...I repeated it slowly... BABY GIRL PLEASE YOU MUST GO TO SCHOOL IF YOU DO NOT YOU ARE GOING TO BE SENT TO A FACILITY WHERE THEY WILL MAKE SURE YOU GO TO SCHOOL!!

Did it work? NOPE!

D like W and W like D...

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Fight for her, FM! Direct your energy to her and leave aside (a bit or more then that) your W and your M issues... I see you do your best, and I can feel your pain... and we are just poor human beings not having always energy for all our problems... and kids should always be the first place to A PLAN... not anyone else...

How does your W feel about this?
Is she insane not to see her contribution here??

THAT I will neber understand - how ANYONE or ANYTHING could be more imortant than a child's well being... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Belonging to Nowhere:
<strong> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Fight for her, FM! Direct your energy to her and leave aside (a bit or more then that) your W and your M issues... I see you do your best, and I can feel your pain... and we are just poor human beings not having always energy for all our problems... and kids should always be the first place to A PLAN... not anyone else...

How does your W feel about this?
Is she insane not to see her contribution here??

THAT I will neber understand - how ANYONE or ANYTHING could be more imortant than a child's well being... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO SHE DOES NOT...

If she saw the correlation she would stop right or maybe that's why my W claims she's suicidal as if killing herself will help her Children...she is very very lost and selfish!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am probably not good to continue, FM...

I could forgive anything to my X if he were a good father (at that time; now he's much much better one)... but all together I was not able to...
Hope your hard work on M will be worth it at the end...

And, for your children... you can do as much as you can do, nothing more... just pray God to save her, to make her learn from her own mistakes, ON TIME... and be there for her (although I see you ARE)... also, take care of yourself!!, sick and depressed you won't be able to help her enough...
Take care, dear FM!

FM,

My heart goes out to you!! I have a very troubled teen myself only 2 years older than yours. I've fought like crazy to keep mine out of a group home so far because in her case, I don't feel it's best for her. Right now she is on an informal probation until January for several things, one of which is running away. However, she was never gone more than a few days.

I can't imagine what you went through with yours being gone for a month. I was going crazy after the first night that mine didn't come home or call.

I don't have any great advice. Just pray a lot that God will keep you strong for your kids and that he'll keep his arms around your daughter to protect her.

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> FM,

My heart goes out to you!! I have a very troubled teen myself only 2 years older than yours. I've fought like crazy to keep mine out of a group home so far because in her case, I don't feel it's best for her. Right now she is on an informal probation until January for several things, one of which is running away. However, she was never gone more than a few days.

I can't imagine what you went through with yours being gone for a month. I was going crazy after the first night that mine didn't come home or call.

I don't have any great advice. Just pray a lot that God will keep you strong for your kids and that he'll keep his arms around your daughter to protect her.

LL </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The first time our D was missing for the 2 weeks...I slept on the couch waiting for her incase she knocked on the door in the middle of the night...

my wife slept soundly..

what do you make of that...

can some say self absorbed, how could a mom do that? I'm growing tired of fighting for everyone, its time I chose who I will rescue. I extended my hand to my W and she pushed it away, now I must do all I can to secure my D's safety and well-being.

Thanks for responding Lordslady....GOD bless you and your family,

<small>[ November 13, 2004, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Hoping today will be the day she doesn't hang up the phone when her grandma answers!

The police are actively looking for her right FM?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong> Hoping today will be the day she doesn't hang up the phone when her grandma answers!

The police are actively looking for her right FM? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
its sad.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I wish.

The police do not look for runaways.
They do not have the resources to even attempt a search unless she has been spotted and they've been alerted to the call. I don't blame the police, they aren't equipped to deal with the inquiries. Runaways are usually located when they are caught breaking the law, tresspassing, breaking an entering, shop-lifting etc....

It's so much the aurhorities can do and this is how so many teenagers fall through the cracks.

<small>[ November 14, 2004, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Can you file a missing persons report on her? At least they'd have to broadcast that all over, wouldn't they?

I filed one on my daughter when she on her first short runaway stint back last spring. I was afraid she'd gotten some money and was on her way out east to see an internet friend.

Iowa, I'm sure, is a little different than Maryland, because we don't have quite your population (fewer runaways to track).

And while the cops didn't actively go searching for her even with the missing persons report until I had a good idea where she was (and then they did--and they found her), they did broadcast her picture and info throughout the system and they made some calls for me to her friends (because cops can sometimes make people uncomfortable enough that they'll divulge information they're not willing to give the runaway's parents.)

Be the squeaky wheel!

LL