This is my first post, and I hope I can paint a meaningful, but abbreviated picture of what my situation is...

LBS (me) 44
WW 41
Married 21 years, together 24 years, no children
EA for the last year, PA started 2/04
MLC? Depression?
Confronted 3/04
They work together; she promised "business contact only" (my mistake to let that happen)
4/04: WW said to me "You're the most wonderful man in the world."
4/04: WW said to me "I think we're gonna be ok <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> "
5/04: WW said to me "I love you, I really love you."

6/04: WW said to me "I love you but I'm not in love with you" etc.
6/04: WW said to me "I think I need to leave."

Ambivalence/rage/hatred/lying/etc 6/04-9/04
Joint counseling 7/04-8/04
WW moved out: 10/4/04
Day before she left, WW told me: "I'm saying to myself 'why am I doing this?'"
On moving day, WW told me: "I can't work on the relationship when I'm here."
and "I love you like I should love a husband I've been with for 24 years."

Since moving out, she's contacted me by phone/email at least every 2-3 days, often for no good reason. I essentially "went dark" on her after she moved out.

Fast forward to today... found out she went off on a long weekend with OM.
I tried calling her, she got word from her mother that I was worried about her because no one knew where she was. WW actually called me back; was with OM but wouldn't tell me where.
Asked if her friends/co-workers STILL don't know about full extent of her relationship with OM: she said they do NOT know (and is afraid that I will tell them).

QUESTIONS!!! I know the chances of saving my marriage are very slim, at best. But they (WW/OM) are still in fantasy land -- shouldn't I finally expose the EA/PA like I neglected to due back in March??

Also, I may see her tomorrow when she returns from trip w/ OM, and I feel like I'm running out of time/opportunities. Any advice on what I should say to her when I do see her/talk to her next?

Thanks for your desperately needed help!

Some days I feel like the exposure parrot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , but I cannot emphasize enough the power of exposure. This is Plan A 101. Exposure is like a splash of cold water on the WS that helps them recognize the sleaziness of their affair when forced to explain it to others. Suddenly they see how ridiculous it all looks through the eyes of others. This makes the affair very uncomfortable.

I would make up a list of key family and friends and get to making phone calls. ON THE SAME DAY. It is much better to deal with one blow than several spread out. Tell them you are not telling them to punish your W but to get their support and prayers.

That is the first step I would recommend. After that, you will want to stay in Plan A for awhile until you can ascertain the effects of your exposure.

But please don't put off exposure any longer. If if had been exposed a long time ago, it may not have gone this far. Yes, it is scary, but you will feel much better afterwards and you will have done the best thing for your marriage.

tqt,

Your luck has changed now that you came to MB forums. One of the very best is Melodylane. Follow her advice in regards to exposure NOW. I could fill your hard drive with stories of people that have NOT used this critical tool. Good Luck

Thanks Melody.

I can't decide whether or not to include their boss on the "exposure list."
For better or worse, the boss happens to be the President of the co., and they both report to him. I've met/chatted with him many times over the years, including sharing a dinner table at company functions.

I know that this exposure could well be the last nail in my marital coffin, but at this point there doesn't seem to be much to lose.

Thanks again for your help!

tqt, just so you know, EVERYONE worries that exposure will be the nail in the coffin, but it never is. The real nail in the coffin is the AFFAIR if it isn't stopped. What usually happens is the WS is furious at first, but then they come around.

If it were me, I would call up their boss, he would be high up on my list.

Thanks, Cymanca! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />