I might..possibly..have something helpfull to say [try not to pass out from shock..maybe if you lay down a minute? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ]

I was reading old post stuff about you and your H..and aside from the A issues..I think there might be a few that COULD be influenced with some changes, if you are both wiling to make them.

If I am correct your H works a late shift? Either late into the night or overnight, correct? You know..not everyone handles this well. Messes up their circadian rhythms..which can alter your mood [make you tip towards depression even if you may otherwise not be so inclined] and distort your perceptions, because for these people unable to get adequate quantity and quality of sleep..they are walking around in a foglike state all of the time.

I think that perhaps you should consider and maybe discuss your H changing shifts [early morning shift is best for these people..they follow the faster pace the rest of the day..much healthier trajectory] and perhaps..for a period of say..six months..he could NOT buy off of ebay and gamble [if he is showing symptoms of depression..these may be tools he is using to get a "lift"] in exchange for putting the kids in daycare..then you can work the same shift and have adequate time to recreate together on a daily basis..not so much going from one job to another [work/kids household] then sleeping. This IS drudgery. You are shooting yourselves in the foot by allowing him to ebay the $$$ away. Time to relax together and being able to parent together is going to pay off far and away beyond what childcare will cost you.


Changes like this can really make a difference, improve the environment, and perhaps may influence his "moodiness" to some degree.

A word of caution. Please PLEASE do not read what I have said to imply that you have it within your control to alter him or his temperament. What I am saying is that I noticed that he works odd hours, and that I realize that this can often contribute to depression and just generally not feeling well. It may be magnifying the existing issues.

Setting up an environment for success is about the most that you can do..if he is still unable/unwilling to step up to the plate..I really do not see what you can do besides leave, or bend over and smile .

Hope some of this helps..hope it was coherant..in a hurry, not spell checking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Noodle

Now that could be some very positive advice. I was at a loss as to what KMEJ could do when she posted to me, other than change herself, but you have given her some practical advice.

And that is very true about depression and shift work, but it never even entered my mind.

KEMJ is a very likable, smart girl.

Hope she is around soon to see this post.

that is all great advice.

I have looked into many of those. However even with out E-bay daycare is too much money for us right now it is over $1,000 a month- we just do not have it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

H has been getting up lately with the children. However he resents the fact that he has too, and there for hangs up on me when I call, or is just crabby.

We both had yesterday off my only day off all week, and his second day off. WE both cleaned (well I mainly cleaned, he helped between plays-football) then we both watched the Vikings be unjustly wronged by reffs. I go could go on about my frustrations, I am just tired of being frustrated. Tired of so much.

On a positive note, H told his boss that he needed time with his wife and took next weekend off and planned the whole thing, even got babysitters. However he will not tell me other then the Vikings game what we are doing...? This is good- I just wish he would be more consistant.