hi evrey one been a bit since i thought i needed help but hear goes. FWW and i came home from visiting freinds put boys to bed,started watching end of movie on tv,then i asked if she wanted to go to bed she said she didnt know so i layed down. woke up about a hour later she was on her laptop on the internet. i asked how she has been doing lately,shes had to work alot lately and i know she HAS been at work.she asked me if i thought things were going ok,i said not realy,becouse it has not felt like we have been doing anything to make things better,even tho their has been some SF she said thats one of the ways shes been trying to wook on but she still dosent feel close to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

i said that it seems that we are in limbo. she ageed. we talked for a while and she agreed to seeing a MC finaly. she told me that it probaly wont be a miricle cure but shes willing to go.

i told her about some of my trigers. one of witch is the inter net, she said its one of the ways she can be alone becouse shes not allways happy to come home,loves our boys dearly and whants to be around them,but still not happy around the house.

she even said ,before the idea of MC,that maybe a seaporation under freindly terms but ageed to MC before that. i know that sent up red flags in my head. but all times of work have been adding up,chekeing cell records and to my knolage their is NC.

if nothing else i just need a pat on the back or something,
thanks as always
dmb1967 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Can you give us a little more information on your situation? Like, how long have you been M? When was D-day? Was a NC letter sent? Any kids?

Are you spending a minimum of 15 hours a week doing fun things? That is supposed to help build new memories.

It sounds like she is still in withdrawal. That must make you feel bad, when she says she doesn't want to be home. Yuck. Hang in there.

kloe,we have been marryed 10 years,have 2 boys 14 and 6,D-Day was 2-10-04 8 days before our 10th aniversary,i found out by acsedent found a cell message.no NC letter not one of my big prioratys,i can live without one.

if you want i have been posting most of this year on and off. sorry i dont know how to make a link.

thanks dmb

Not wanting to be home is not a good sign. I was there. It lasted about 2 weeks or so where I just couldnt stand being home. I lost 5 lbs because of it. Sometimes we don't want to be around because we feel guilty too. Even though there is NC we still feel unhappy, stuck and guilty. The worst of it is when you do have an affair that it was fun and different than the old humdrum relationship back at home. Home reminds me of the old humdrum life and the hopeless feeling that I am stuck and things will never change. I get very restless at home and start pacing around. Yesterday I got so sick of it I decided to declutter and got rid of several bags of stuff.
Have any of you found that it is easier to come home after a big change in the home enviroment such as a move, clean up, change in furniture? I am at a lost in how to make the home more inviting for everyone.

I do agree it is important to spend fun time with your spouse alone ...but with kids it is next to near impossible unless you have family help to watch the kids or money to pay for sitter and evening out. I would ask friends but most of my friend have 5-9 kids!!! I don't want to burden them already neither do I want their kids plus my kids in return for any amount of hours.
Last night we watch The Incredibles and ran to Baskin And Robbins afterwards. We went off my son's diet for then night. It was a good evening. But I would love to spend some alone time. We tried yesterday morning but our daughter walked in on us. We had a very serious talk about privacy time for mom and dad and not to just barge in without knocking. She is 7yrs old...she should know nad we have talked about it several times already. It is hard to feel sexy when there are kids around PERIOD. Sometimes I can't even feel sexy when the Dog is in our bedroom.

I can see why the internet is a trigger for you. For me its my husband's bikes. He has A's with his bikes if that is possible. I am sure internet is a trigger for my husband too.

believer,you've posted to me before thank you for you reply,how are you doing?

with her work hours it has been hard to spend that time,been trying to spend time,as much as possible.
yes dose sound like withdrals still. hope that MC will help,fortunitly it will be payed for thru my work.
i guess we are still in plan a huh,after 9 mounths.

thank you and god bless you all.
dmb

laundry misstress,thanks some times just talking to some one else helps so much.
i guess i didnt even think of the guilt factor mixed with still being in withdrals.
i hope things are going well with you and yours.

thanks for the reply dmb

dmb:
not only is there withdrawals there is guilt and shame as well. Not to mention a failure and hypocrite. That is how I feel right now. Sometimes I just want to run far far away. There were a few nights where I literally got in the car with the kids and just drove as far as I could. I was just so disgusted with the situation. Resentful of my husband and relationship for leading me into having an A. I didnt want to be in an A. I never wanted to cheat on my husband and marriage. I wanted it to be with my husband but since I can't have what I want with my husband I felt compelled to look elsewhere and I am angry about that too.

sorry messed up

<small>[ November 15, 2004, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: dmb1967 ]</small>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by laundry mistress:
[QB] dmb:
Sometimes I just want to run far far away. There were a few nights where I literally got in the car with the kids and just drove as far as I could. I was just so disgusted with the situation.
lm, that sounds like that mite be some thing she is thinking. saterday after our talk she took a ride for about 4 hours.
the hypocrite,sounds rite also. her first marrage ended becouse of an A when she was pregnet with the 14 year old.

made my signature line

bump