I'm so new to this. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon and evening with my husband and his parents. We went to our son's playoff football game. (Which they won.) Afterwards, we went for a couple beers and then out to dinner. I had to watch him lie through his teeth to his parents. He's the one who came home early from his trip and spent the weekend with OW and then made a surprise appearance home. I had to listen to him dance around his mom's questions about who he got a ride home with, the timing, what he did, yadda, yadda.

Everybody talks about exposure. Is there any benefit to letting the world, like his parents, know what he's done? Should he tell them? He doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Part of medoesn't want to hurt his folks but is a lie any better? They are in their 70's and very Catholic.

Help!

Oh yes, you should tell them! Exposure is often the very best tool in your arsenal. An affair survives on a fantasy worldview. When the WS is forced to explain his affair to others, he is forced to see how sleazy he looks through the eyes of others. It often helps them see the reality of the affair and embarrasses them.

Exposure causes great pressure on the affair and that is your mission! Your jon is to do everything to end this affair.

And no, you don't ask the WS to bust himself, or force him to do it himself. You just pick up the phone and tell them yourself. Tell them that your marriage is in trouble and you need their prayers and support. Close family and friends should be called. You should also call the OP's spouse - that is the most important exposure. And there are instances where it might be helpful to expose to the OP's parents, depending on the situation.

The WORST thing you can do is to help your spouse HIDE the affair. You are simply contributing to your own demise when you do that.

HurtingCarol,

Do a search on any MelodyLane post and you will see that exposure IS the most powerful tool that you MUST use to save your M. Remember that exposure never ends marriages, secrecy always will.

Damn Melody , that was quick. I was trying to post and get a cup of coffe. I really wanted to introduce you to Carol.

Carol meet Melody. Read, learn, understand and start exposing!

HurtingCarol,

Got my coffee and wanted to add to my comments. I truly believe that my NOT exposing the A early is why I am in the middle of a D right now. I waited through one failed reconciliation and another huge week of WW/OM mating BEFORE I exposed.

BTW When I finally exposed, I was overwhelmed by the support that I received. One party that I did not hear from and I really expected to was a VERY devout Catholic couple (He is a former priest). I don't mean to say they are not supportive of our M, just that I never heard from them. That hurts an old altarboy like me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for bringing her over, Cymanca! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

IMHO I first would expose to the OW's spouse. With pressure on the OW from her BS throwing a bucket of cold water on her fantasy the A could stop and NC could occur and maybe rebuilding would start.

I would wait to tell the family members. If the exposure to OW's spouse does not work, and he still acts like nothing is wrong and he is still in contact with her....then tell the rest of the planet.

Once the world knows, there is no going back, Even if the marriage becomes better than ever, H will know they know.

I feel exposure to family & friends should be the final action to stop the A...if nothing else is working and H is still in his fog and justifying and in contact, then it must be done.

Get ready for much more drama in your life when the family knows!

But if the A ends and NC begins by exposing to the H of the OW, and your H is truly remorsefull and commits to rebuild the M, I see no need to expose to family, friends, boss, and co-workers.

Again, IMHO..I am new here and am still learning the basics.

k

As far as I know, the OW is divorced. I feel like I want to tell his parents before he can taint it. Does that make sense?

Although ending the A was not an issue in my case, exposing to my brother-in-law and another good friend was the best thing I did. They were in my house when I found out, so supported me from the very beginning.

I found out, walked into the living room and told them straight away. Thats what my prior MB training taught me!

Expose first to people you both know who you know will give you support. This will give you more confidence when it comes to telling everyone else.

Wishing you lots of luck and strength. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

(heroswife may be able to help as well..)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HurtingCarol:
<strong> As far as I know, the OW is divorced. I feel like I want to tell his parents before he can taint it. Does that make sense? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, that is exactly WHY you need to tell them and not expect him to do so. He will spin it in a way so that they never get the right story. And a WS can come up with some doozies!

Also, I would VERIFY that the OW is really divorced. Often the WS will lie about these things so don't believe anything you haven't verified on your own.