H just called and will be home in a couple of hours. He sounds just like normal except maybe a little confused because I was cheerful and assured him I knew he was going to be away for the weekend so wasn't expecting him to call. When I asked when he was going to be home he said mid-afternoon. I said see you then and please drive safely.

Now I'm thinking I should unpack his office and set it up again. Or not, like wait to see what he thinks. Oh, cr-p. I am soooo confused!

Hi LIM,

Weekends can be slow around here. I’m just taking a break from splitting firewood. I am not familiar with your situation so I hesitate to give advice. I think others with insight will be by soon.

Why do you think you should unpack his office? Leave it for him to do. Could be seen as a token recommitment from him.

In the meantime (((LIM))).

T

PS: When drowning, relax and float calmly on your back.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostinmanitoba:
<strong> H just called and will be home in a couple of hours. He sounds just like normal except maybe a little confused because I was cheerful and assured him I knew he was going to be away for the weekend so wasn't expecting him to call. When I asked when he was going to be home he said mid-afternoon. I said see you then and please drive safely.

Now I'm thinking I should unpack his office and set it up again. Or not, like wait to see what he thinks. Oh, cr-p. I am soooo confused! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No marriage building advice from me, just some support for you. Please remember to love yourself. Don't be a doormat!!!!!!!!! Don't allow yourself to be denegrated and humiliated to "save your marriage". What is the point of saving your marriage when you lose yourself? Good luck today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If he's confused then you must be doing something right! Keep up with the Plan A, it will keep his head spinning. Not sure your entire story but hang in there, you CAN do this!

Thanks, Thom

I'm trying to catch my job up while I wait. It's been Since Nov 3rd that I was able to work and I was supposed to have our company yearend ready for the accountant tomorrow. I'm getting close to the 1/2 way mark since yesterday and going back and forth to this forum for help. My story is in Infidelity - General Questions.
Which one of the instant graemlins stands for me taking a big gulp? Haha.

LIM

Its pretty quiet around here at weekends with the 'lifers' living their lives away from here.

I microwaved your story on your other thread.

You will not like my advice to stop reading now if you want wishy washy agreement.

LIM all your efforts are completely wasted if you do not tell OWH. You are, in fact, deliberately enabling their affair to continue, and robbing yourself of the greatest ally in this mess you could possibly have - OWH.

Like all BS I was every bit as scared and reluctant to expose as you are. I feared I'd be pushing my WS away into the arms of the OP, I feared anger, I feared doing something wrong that could not be put right.

But understand that locking him out of your house WITHOUT exposing to the ONE PERSON who can finally shed enough publicity light on the bindings of the affair to cause them to wither will probably be only an inconvenience to your WH who will then go on a charm offensive to you to wngle his way back in your life;. You will pathetically belive him, in desperate hopefulness that the is over while in fact he is cake-eating for the US olympic team.


I am no forum "wise head", but not a newbie either - my own four month old story is a soap opera of its own, but MB principles including Plan A and Exposure helped ENORMOUSLY to killing the affair and setting us up into the recovery we are both working on now. ALSO exposure helped OM and his GF to begin to reconcile too.

In my opinion the best course of action you could effect would be to KEEP HIM in your house, and expose to OWH.

Keep him in your house so the effects of Plan A will be most effective, and expose to OWH to give THEM a chance to rebuild their relationship with the benefit of truth.

There are no guarantees of success with exposure , but the precedent shows that it is the most effective tool you have in stopping the affair.
After exposing I felt empowered, strong and PROUD of myself.

LIM, PLEASE expose. I fear all your other actions will be like rearranging deckchairs on the titanic.

{{{{LIM}}}}}

LIM,

I know you are scared of his reaction. He is not going to be happy that he won't be able to work tomorrow at his home office. But what does he expect you to do? Move out, make his life convenient, let everything be his way?

Everyone has choices in life. He has chosen to keep his family home, his girlfriend, his job, his reputation and to hell with everything else. He wants your choice to be go away and let him have everything his way. That is not fair.

I think it was nice of you to pack up his office. It saves him from doing it, doesn't it? Maybe, he could work out of her office? If she is married she can explain to her husband that she broke up your marriage and now your poor husband has no place to go. She can explain to her husband how you are being so unreasonable that you are not willing to be your husband's roomate and let him have the life he wants.

Your husband needs to accept responsibility for his own actions. This is not your fault and don't let him bully you.

As far as disclosure, let the people he works with know, let her husband know. By keeping their secret you are making things easier for them.

I am not sure this was what you were looking for, but stand up and be strong and do what ever it is that will let you have pride and dignity. The worse thing about affairs is how they strip you of your self-worth, and make you question every aspect of your life and make you feel you are always doing the wrong thing.

Cathy

My policy is when in doubt, say as little as possible, leave the talking to him .

Let him know that you are willing to listen when he feels like talking about things.

Stall-tell him the truth - that you are uncertain what to do, and suggest that you both need time to think things through.

Hey BOB PURE - OW told her H about the affair. And why she went elsewhere for intimacy that he just wouldn't provide. She has moved out on her own. So what purpose would be served in my telling him something he already knows?

LIM I was not aware of that. All I have to go on from you is this statement:
The one thing I cannot do is call the OWH. Never met him and don't know how he'd react:

Sorry if I misread your posts. Reads to me like you were scared, like all BS are , of exposure.

But are you ABSOLTELY CERTAIN he knows ? And that there is no benefit to be gained by liaising with him?

Your choice. All blessings.

<small>[ November 14, 2004, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

I'm with Bob Pure on this one. It wouldn't surprise me if what her BH "knows" is that she moved out to "be by herself to think".

I'm saving this--thanks BP!
"When drowning, relax and float calmly on your back."

LIM, I'm sorry I can't be of help to you. I just wanted you to know that people do care, even when they have nothing helpful to offer.

Take care

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lostinmanitoba said:

Hey BOB PURE - OW told her H about the affair. And why she went elsewhere for intimacy that he just wouldn't provide. She has moved out on her own.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me guess....your husband told you this right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Edited for typo.

<small>[ November 14, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostinmanitoba:
<strong> Hey BOB PURE - OW told her H about the affair. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did her H tell you this with his OWN LIPS?

I want to let you all know that he's come home. He and OW have ended. It will be a while before their feelings are gone but I truly believe we are going to make it. Please thank everyone for their prayers and particularly thank you to Shul and Cymanca.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostinmanitoba:
<strong> I want to let you all know that he's come home. He and OW have ended. It will be a while before their feelings are gone but I truly believe we are going to make it. Please thank everyone for their prayers and particularly thank you to Shul and Cymanca. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Goodluck in your recovery.....just make sure you read the posts here so you can know what to expect next as you go through all of this. I wish you all the best with this. I am happy for you that he is "back" and that things have "ended" with the OW.

I hope you're right LIM.

all blessings

LIM,

While I am EXTREMELY happy if everything is as stated , I agree with the other posters. BELIEVE NOTHING WHAT YOU HEAR AND 50% OF WHAT YOU READ when it comes from your WS.

Cold war-----------TRUST BUT VERIFY

<small>[ November 15, 2004, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: Cymanca ]</small>

I hear all of you and am going to keep posting. It is my therapy. I just remember that this is the man I've loved for nearly 25 years and believe him when he says he's chosen to let us go the rest of the way together and do all the things we've planned to do with each other. We've made sure everybody we care about knows what happened and that we're together to stay. There are a lot of fences for him to mend besides the one he feels the need to fix with me. It will be tough on him but I plan to give him all the help, support and love that I can to get him through it.
Thanks again for your wishes and prayers.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />