Yup, changed my profile yet again, WW turns 41 today. Last year today it was her company Christmas party and her 40th birthday.. I had been playing detective for 3 days on no sleep and an alcohol fueled confrontation with them both ensued as things wound down. Now here I am.

I have our house she has hers. OM has introduced his two children to WW and I'm sure she will reciprocate shortly. She is in his city every weekend. Apparently she undergoes minor surgery on her knee there tomorrow; OM will no doubt be her anesthetist.

This is starting to have a negative effect on our marriage.

No questions here.

Just <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

And a little <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

What a horrible anniversary for you, Binder. But aren't you at least a little grateful to have had the strength and stamina to have survived that awful month?

Hi Binder,

My one year mark came and went too.So now I am a little of:

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> with mostly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> now.Not to mention a little <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

I rarely cry now,I am past that for the most part although I know I will cry in the courtroom when the D proceedings wind down.The point of reconciliation has also long past for me and WH.Now it's about me and stopping the pain from being involved with WH on every aspect.I am finding that it works very well for me.Like a permanent Plan B.

That's not to say that I don't think about this still...a LOT.But there is nothing left to figure out anymore,just let each day pass and see where it takes me.

Sorry you are down but as I like to say(per Dr.Phil): I would rather be healthy alone than be sick and with someone.That pretty much sums it up.I know you will be ok.One day at a time.

O

Binder,

When this first started, did you think you'd have the strength to do this for a year?

My year anniversary of the P/A just passed last week. Unfortunately, I lack your strength for hanging in there, and filed for DV back in August. My DV will be final on Wednesday if the attorney is able to get a time to appear in court.

(Thankfully, since my STBXH isn't contesting anything, we just sign the decree and then the attorney appears in court on our behalf. I don't have to face him on that miserable day. It's going to be hard enough to deal with anyway.)

You have been very strong throughout all this. I'm sure you are more than a little <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> but like Octobergirl said, you'll be okay. It will get better.

Melodylane, a matriarch of the MB boards. You were one of the first people to post to me. I’m convinced if I’d found this place sooner, I’d not be in the position I’m in. Thinking that way is a lot of wasted energy though. I did survive that month and the horror that ensued. Now it just seems like damage control, especially for my children that have no doubt been slipped those tiny psychological land mines into their psyche that will be tripped in their adult lives by their relationships. It’s my humble layman’s opinion that part of this is the result of WW’s dad’s affair/family abandonment that left her with a predisposition to do what she’s done.

O, I appreciate the cyber visits on my threads. Like I’ve said before I follow your situation as our children/timeframes are very similar. I appreciate your conviction regarding personal integrity and values. I am also impressed with the amount of strength you project onto these boards. Though I know you state that your point for reconciliation is past, I don’t believe it. I can also sense within you such a strong longing for family cohesiveness that your point of view could change if WH crawled back and did all the right things.

Lordslady, when this started I questioned whether or not I could do this for a day! I didn’t have to deal with the crap you did though. No home made porn on WW’s phone or substance abuse issues that clouded that already murky waters.

I’m not sure if I’m so much “hanging in there” as reluctant to close the door until the last second. Here in Canada one cannot get a divorce (without proving abuse or infidelity) until a year separation has passed. Our “constructive separation” as suggested by our MC began last year on Dec. 15. As we already have split all our possessions, a “desktop divorce” could be initiated then. I expect WW to do so. If not, I will oblige her when I reach my selected date.

I have been operating under a pretty strict plan B. The amount of conversation I have had with my WW since July could probably be condensed into less than 20 sec. I’m starting to think I could take this further and quite speaking/thinking/reading or posting about it. This place becomes addicting and is blessed with so many wise contributors. I really have few questions to ask anymore and should probably redirect my attention to God, my children, house, hobbies and friends. Though my WW’s relationship has disaster written all over it, why wait so eagerly to see it crumble when I can’t affect it.

Onward.

Binder, I remember very clearly not knowing how anybody could last as long as six months or a year as a BS. I read advice about getting ready for the long haul, read books that talked about many affairs starting to crumble after six months (whoops, sparrow's will be six months old at the end of this month), and thought, no way can I handle six months. Well, here I am alive. And so is the affair.

I know your door-closing date is a secret. I've talked about mine, and until recently it seemed ridiculously distant. Not any more. It's still far off, but I can see myself carrying on that long without much trouble. Only problem will be living like a monk until then.

GC

GC,

Yup, it's a ways away for me too, but definitely peeking up on the horizon.

I feel confidant that I would not be allowing any consideration of reconciliation without the children involved. As stated, given that almost all affairs self destruct, this one has even additional pressures upon it. i.e. OM is a professional, WW is not (the books say professional men almost NEVER marry their mistresses) they both are married and have children. They live in cities 300 km. apart and neither can move the children.

Unless WW will give me full custody, what will she do? OM has weekends off, I have the kids every weekend here...will she spend her life going there on the weekends and playing mommy to his two boys? I fully expect OMW to take a huge bite out of his financial portfolio as well. She told me she has an excellent lawyer.

Regardless, I feel extremely concerned for our children. Though WW is very attractive, she has more baggage than a 747 full of Avon ladies. Thing is she can't be alone, so I'd hate to see the march of fools she will expose my children to post affair. It's tragic.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GC:
Only problem will be living like a monk until then.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're sitting around in a bathrobe chanting? Why? Did the Harley's suggest that?

Actually I understand. I too am beginning to notice other women. As I either work or have the children, I don't have the time to expose myself to temptation. I will wait until the divorce is final before I partake. I'm not looking for another committed relationship, just be nice to share a meal and some wine or go to a movie with a woman again.

You’re younger, in a band and have no children. If the sparrow’s migration is permanent, your opportunities will be many.