Last night, we made some progress at our house. It's been almost a week since d-day. It's been a hard week. H came home last Sunday in a fog after 8 weeks away. He'd spent the weekend with OW before coming home. Wasn't talking. There was only angry silence when he came home late at night. I couldn't understand it until I made my discoveries. He's been a silent, stone wall. Wouldn't hardly say a word. The kids were really upset.

Yesterday, we did a lot of things together as a family. It was the kind of weekend full of unavoiable family activities where unless he was going to declare everything to the world, we had to live a lie. Last night, I pinned him down in bed and made him talk. Yes, he's still sleeping in my bed. It's a big bed and he's 'way at the other edge. I tried for a gentle, non-confrontative but steady manner. H admitted to some things. Tried to explain through his lost weekend. Said the OW had nothing to do with anything. Said he felt guilty about it. That she was irrelevant to anything between us. Said all the things that they always say: he doesn't love me, hasn't for a long time, doesn't feel anything for me. Feels that divorce is the only answer. He tried to clam up after that but I kept gently picking.

Basically, I said that we had a shared history. We've been married for 28 years, have 3 kids, have had a lot of water under the bridge. We've seen nasty divorces and reasonable divorces. I said that until we could built some trust, until I could feel that I knew the truth, we couldn't move on. I asked a lot of questions, some of which he answered. He says he loves his kids. That he could have been a better father. That he wants to continue supporting them into college. That their education is important to him. This area was an issue I was really worried about. He's up that familiar river when it comes to sex. Said nothing sexual has happened with OW or anybody else. Of course, most of it was my fault. An A I had 20 years ago, an A he asked me to have and was sandwiched between HIS As, was the reason everything is the way it is. He has always resisted MC. I think we'd be in a different place now if we had. I feel bad about my A. However, it was a long time ago and I am a different person now. I think that experience, which was before the kids, affair-proofed me.

Can this marriage be saved? I don't know but I feel progress has been made. The air is clearer. I don't feel quite so angry and that's good. It hurts a lot but at least we're talking. I'm doing IC. I think he'll go to MC this time. I just told him matter-of-factly that in this state, you have to before they will grant a divorce, so he might has well just do it. IC would do him a lot of good. There are so many things he's never open up about. Something has happened in his past (and I've known him since he was 20) that has closed him down and given him a strange view about sex and relationships. His parents marriage? His Catholic faith? Was there some abuse there that's never come to light? I don't know but I feel better this morning.

Thanks MB for letting have a place to vent!