Since FM hasn't done it - I'll highjack the suggestion LovingBoundaries made on his thread.

For a while, most of us BS are debilitated by the affair and its aftermath. We can be broken down and focused on nothing but grief and trying to salvage our M.

Circumstances vary, but sooner or later we see that we need to make our lives better. Most of us want to improve as human beings, and reach out to the world, and meet new people, and find new excitement, inspiration, and happiness. A spark.

Maybe that could make us more appealing to the WS, but that's no good as a motivation. We need to re-establish our value, which for many of us was heavily invested in our marriage. As was our self-image, which is no doubt terribly damaged by the betrayal of our WS.

And some of us need more money to survive the financial impact of our marriages potentially breaking up.

So what are we doing for ourselves?

I tried to get a dog, but found my life is too chaotic right now for that. I worked on the election. I'm writing lots of music, planning big changes to my house, and today I sent out an application to volunteer at a hospital. Not a ton, but it's a start.

How about all y'all?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So what are we doing for ourselves?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Started looking at 3 br. apartments. I've decided that I cannot live with a grumpy old man forever and if he hasn't snapped out of said grumpiness/woe is me/I've screwed everything up-ess by the time he gets a new job in SAT, my and my chidren's arses are staying here where we can have a happy life by the beach (tho I might have to give up Rufus for it......damitol).

Resolution is invigorating - I figure I've got till at least 2/1/04 - the hiring processes for law enforcement are long and drawn out.

BTW: He doesn't know the time scale, but he DOES know that I refuse to budge on living with a curmudgeon till the end of my days.

BTW: The curmudgeon's reason for his maudlin-ness (doancha love how I make up words) - that I'm too good for him...he can't touch me because I'm too good, he can't tell me he loves me first because I'm too good, he can't walk by and give a nice [censored] squeeze (please excuse my language Mods, but I MISS the hell out of a good [censored] squeeze) because I'm too good...too (SNORT) pristine???? If the man knew half the reasons I didn't get all the way thru college................................I asked him while he has me up on that pedestal is it at least high enough to see up my skirt....not even a smile. He gives curmudgeons a bad name.............

Sorry to TJ, GC, but you asked what I was doing....

Oh...and I'm crocheting fuzzy scrunchies and fuzzy flip flops for all the little girls in my family. It's loads of fun! I've asked one of the shops at the mall about selling my glass bead/seashell suncatchers and they are UBER interested.........um.......

- Kimmy

Great thread.

I spent $99 and Monday nights I take a watercolor class. It has been the best thing I have ever done. Tonight is my last class -- so I will be looking for a new class after the holidays.

I also for no money started going to a bible study my 1st ever.

Ok, my sparks are much smaller than what everyone is talking about so after you laugh I want ENCOURAGEMENT!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In the fall of 2000, I got a bread machine. I was excited about fantasies of the aroma of baking bread filling my kitchen, etc etc etc. The bread machine was defective so I sent it back and got another one. It was defective too. Sent it back. Got one that worked but was cracked. A year later I threw it in the dumpster and bought another one. It's fine (I think). I baked bread once. I don't know what happened but it didn't turn out and was inedible. I haven't touched the bread machine since, except to dust it once in a great while.

Dday was fall of 2000 also.

First project to light my spark----bake a loaf of bread.

I used to like getting the machine ready at night and having fresh bread on Saturday or Sunday morning. I prefer to make bread all on my own, from a sponge, but the machine sure is convenient.

I think I'm going to dust mine off and quit buying bread at the store. See, you've inspired me!

Last night I dreamed (maybe Bob Pure caused this) that I was taking karate. I've never been the littlest bit interested in karate, but I wouldn't mind learning to box!

Oh yeah, I've been spending more time swimming laps at the Y. Nothing beats it.

GC

Luckily for me I don't have the financial worries that go with this situation. What I have done is reconnect with family and friends. My family has been so incredible thoughout this entire situation. I don't know what I would have done with out them. I have also started to go to church again, something I hadn't done in years. This has brought me a sense of peace.

Okay...first...a bread machine comment:

I've owned two of them and while I don't profess to be a good cook, I think I've finally figured out the secret with mine after dumping the first one because it burned the crust: Let the machine do all the kneading and mixing and the first rise, but then take the bread out, put it in a loaf pan, let it rise again, and bake it in your OVEN!! (Even better if you have one of those Pampered Chef stoneware loaf pans!!) Both my bread machines made the crust way too hard. But they do a great job at the rest of it.

But on to the topic of GC's thread...

I have enough ideas to keep me busy for 10 years (which is good because my DV should be final tomorrow and I'm terrified to get back out in the world!!). I'll just hide at home forever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My most recent project--bought a bunch of rubber stamps, paper, etc (not telling how much I spent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) and am making packages of assorted cards that I'm going to give to my mom, sis, etc as part of their Christmas gifts. I'm NOT a creative person (I'm an accountant--that says it all!), but it is forcing me to be creative. And it's fun to now look at my finished stuff and say "I did that".

I also redecorated my son's room (stole it from him actually--now that he's in college) and made it into a den/tv room with a futon, new paint, wood blinds, etc. Just needs some wall art and it's coming together nicely. It's great to actually have one room that my daughter hasn't tossed her junk all over.

I have lots of ideas. I just lack the energy to do them after I get home from work.

LL

You know, GC, I'm glad I stumbled onto this thread today. I haven't been around MB for awhile, at least on the boards...

I'm feeling pretty good right now. Still a see-saw... but for certain more ups than downs. Your right about so many things you wrote in your opening to this thread. I dwelled on everything of my M. I tried hard, with everything I knew, learned new things, all to salvage and repair the M and my family.

Now that I'm out of the house, in my condo, living the bachelor life, it is starting to be quite enjoyable.

I'm redoing the place, it has been a rental for a long time and hasn't really gotten any TLC until now. But I'm hanging new doors, painting in (OMG) colors, redoing the baths, new toilets. It is coming along and I feel good about it. The kids are loving it too, like an adventure when they come over. Picking colors and decorating has been fun for them. My DD is actually pretty good at it. The common bathroom is done in Ducks, not real manly but hey,... I'm past that ... I like rubber duckies too. Got some new appliances for the kitchen and laundry as well.

My cooking is good, well, most of the time. And no frozen dinners either. I find real cooking helps occupy my thoughts, and look forward to when I can try some of my new recipes out on someone other than the kids, but that will come later after Christmas.

And I'm going out... And that does feel good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
STBX never wanted to go out. I feel pretty good.

I'm encouraging the BS with a few hours to spare to consider doing something generous with that time. You don't need money to be charitable! I'm not preaching from any high horse either. Before now, giving blood three times a year and the occasional donation was the best I could manage. But I'm going to do better.

TJ, I'm surprised a little to hear your STBX is such a couch tater. I thought she was a party girl!

I think I've said this before, but after what you were subjected to for all those months, it must be such a relief to come home after your long shifts and not be abused and insulted.

I'm putting a bathroom in my house soon, so I can rent out the upstairs. Hadn't considered duckies! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm encouraging the BS with a few hours to spare to consider doing something generous with that time. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, I don't donate blood. I don't bleed well and I'm chicken.

But I am sponsoring an inner-city youth for Christmas through our church. He's a 15-yr-old boy. In fact, I'm thinking about asking to sponsor another. Money isn't exactly growing on trees for me, but I still have more than so many of them do.

And helping make someone else's holidays a little brighter might just help mine as well. Although STBXH was in the midst of his affair by last Christmas, he was still living at home and was home at least part of Christmas. This will be my first without him since I was 14! I definitely need something to focus on.

As for bathroom decor - our full bath is currently a very bright tropical fish theme which I like. However, my daugher wants "Hello Kitty". Target has the whole ensemble which I plan to purchase within the week. Won't all my potential guests appreciate that!

Also, I'm impressed...guys painting rooms in color!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL

GC, very cool post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

We haven't seen you on I'ville for a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Jen

Continuing to ride the high road during this mess...

Here are some positive things I have been doing:

-I am doing some marketing for my business in 2005 and am excited about a new project. Along with a running coach and a publishing giant, I am going to help handpick an athlete training for their first marathon or triathlon. We are going to provide this athlete with the ultimate training package, including free shoes, clothing, a training program mapped out by a coach, a customized meal plan created by me, nutrition coaching by me to prepare the athlete for peak performance on race day, and a 6-month supply of a customized sports drink (customized by me). The athlete is going to journal their progress and we are going to update his/her journey over several articles in a magazine as well as a radio show...kind of like a before/after scenario. I am very excited to meet the lucky winner of our ultimate coaching program ( :

-Today, I got out of the house and hiked up a mountain, meditated and just enjoyed nature...god is it beautiful in Cali!

-Started househunting with a friend...a little depressing how little I can afford in Cali but I am excited at the opportunity to finally own something!

-Am living life large with 2 parties on Thurs and Friday night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Visiting family, including my WH's parents, and friends over the holidays. I am so grateful to have such a loving family and awesome friends!

Ok...that is my positive list for today...more to come I guarantee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-K

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 31 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years
His Affair: 4 months last fall; new affair with unknown timeline???
D-Day: May 22, 2004; WH immediately left without allowing me to respond...been separated with minimal contact ever since. I was in Plan A for 5 months...now in Plan B. WH signed papers last Thursday...I will sign them after Thanksgiving sometime even though I don't believe in this divorce.

My new outlook on this mess: "Why should I join my WH on his downhill road when I am headed to the peak of the mountain?"

Well...

I DID get a dog. Actually, just a few weeks before he left, my EXH got a dog and decided to leave the dog too! So I was stuck with a 10 week old puppy of a breed I didn't particularly like....

Lo and behold, that dog has been a refuge for my sanity. He is small and cute as a button. When I come home at night, he is not just happy to see me--he is ECSTATIC. He sleeps beside me in bed, so my bed does not feel so empty. He gives me a reason to wake up in the morning...a companion to enjoy nature hikes with...and someone to lick my toes at night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> haha

I work with abused women in the Diversion Dept. Most of the women I work with are the partners of the men who were arrested for domestic violence and who got diversion.

I also work with rape victims. Darn, I'm pretty hard core, aren't I??? I work the midnight to 6am shift on the Rape Crisis Hotline over the weekend and on holidays, and it can be REALLY rough, but it's also really rewarding. I know for a fact there are people alive today because I was on that hotline, and that's COOL!

I am writing a book about spirituality, everyday life lessons, and the power of our inner agreements. Gee that sounds esoteric, doesn't it? Man!!

The kids and I went house-hunting, and we found OUR HOME. It had everything we wanted, in the neighborhood we were hoping for, with the view AND the pool! Okay...no hot tub, but there's always Chrismakkah! My teenage kids each have their own whole bedrooms that are HUGE--and each one has been able to decorate it the way they want. I also have a room that's more like a combination garden/haven, so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm happy!

I started taking yoga. Imagine...exercise that's also spiritual! I LOVE it!!!


CJ

Well after spending all weekend feeling sorry for myself for being alone because DD is with her dad for the next four months, and BF is in Chicago working.

Also not looking forward to Thanksgiving alone because my truck is acting up and I'm scared to take it downstate to my sisters for the holiday now...

I spent all of last night thinking about taking in foster babies. It's a long process getting approved and I am single so don't really know what my chances will be, but I have decided to start checking into it after years of toying with the idea.

I also attended a seminar last week to see about learning how to be a medical transcriber, working from home. But it wouldn't solve my problem of being alone so much, although it would bring in extra cash.

Great thread GC!

When you said ""improve as human beings, and reach out to the world, and meet new people, and find new excitement, inspiration, and happiness"

Well I can't say how powerful prayer is because that's exactly what God has done for me. He has enabled me to improve on so many levels which includes reaching out to people, even new people. He is showing me the excitement that life has to offer as well as happiness that is literally waiting around the corner for me. I didn't think it was going to happen the way things have for me but God's grace and wisdom has saw fit to inspire me and bring me a peace that I really didn't expect and even find overwhelming at times.

So I really feel I have a "life" now and have one that is centered around God and he is providing for me in ways that I never imagined.

continued prayers to everyone, RR

I took off my wedding ring today - does that count? Read my crumudgeon thread as to the whys.

BTW: I sent my son pics of the wedding, but I drew a huge gnarly tree on the front of the envelope. It had grassy places growing up around it...and a couple of fairy ring mushrooms. In one clump of mushrooms, I drew tiny doors and windows and a crooked little chimney with smoke wafting out. Z was beyond thrilled with the photos themselves, but couldn't believe his MOM drew the envelope art and told me he's putting it in an honored place on his collage wall (sniff - yep mom's autistic...um...artistic and stuff).

Oh, and found a LOAD of embroidery thread - I thought it'd make an awsome substitution for the clear thread I use in my suncatcher....and maybe I could make bangle bracelets out of them....

- Kimmy

Hey GC,

Great thread....it is interesting to see the other projects that everyone is involved with....LOL re: bread machines...note to self: "cross bread machines off Xmas list."

The sitch that we are facing is easy to be overwhelming. I certainly spend alot of time being consumed by it...but life is about balance and there is a whole world out there.

I was feeling a little down not knowing what I was going to do on Thanksgiving (FWH is out of country.) I decided to donate my time to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the less fortunate. As tragic as I feel in this...there are many that would trade. So I'm going to get a life by volunteering!

Happy Thanksgiving to all MB'ers and I'm truly grateful for all of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Getting a life that does not revolve upon the active WS is so important because it demonstrates that our individual happiness does not come from the WS but from inside of us. It also is great in getting rid of the doormat feeling for we get to the point where we emotionally detach from the lunacy of the affair and finally accept the truth that no matter what the outcome is, we will not only survive the ordeal but rise above it and thrive. Nothing will send a more powerful message that we have enough self respect and are emotionally strong than getting a life.

TMCM: Hence why I'm saving $ from every paycheck to take a bacation. I've been promised bacations for 10 years now and yet to go anywhere but the beach (which is 4 blocks away). H-e-doublehockeysticks, I might even make it a GROWN UP bacation with friends MY age and everything.

Wow...I think I needed this post today.
I am working on getting a new job right now. I WAS being a SAHM (stay at home mom) and going to school full time. Now with my WH leaving I NEED to get a job. The semester is over in 4 weeks, but I am trying to find something before then as well.

I have started fixing up the house in small ways. Re-painted the kids room, cleaned up my room, etc.

I have gone on a diet, and lost 33 lbs! I am walking everyday for exercise.

I would like to start doing more 'fun' things but right now money is a big big issue.

Thats me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle