Sweetie, this is EXACTLY why I've given you the advice I have. Make this YOUR decision....not his WHIM! It will empower you to know that you decided, not waited for fogman to do his duty or his waffling. You need him living in the basement like you need a hole in the head!!! LOL. Ask these questions after he sees the baby, sees the potential, can envision life without the mother of his child!!! Timing is everything chere! The timing right now, is crying out for you to focus on the task at hand...the baby. Deny him the right to soothe his conscience by doing the minimum requirement. It isn't enough. It isn't even needed. You can do this.

Kloe,

Just try to think about how pretty and sweet that baby girl is going to be. How wonderful it is going to feel to hold your own precious baby in your arms. And she is going to LOVE you!

You WH has had it way too easy in my opinion, if you fail to let him come home right now, he will be forced to start thinking about the damage he himself has done to his family.

He can be a dad, regardless of whether he lives with you or not right now, but he cannot live with you unless he is committed to you and your marriage. Don't you see that that would only bring you and baby girl pain in the long run?

I hate his email too, but something is amiss in his head right now. I have thought for a long time that he needs a dose of what it will be like when Kloe is no longer willing to sit at home and wait for him, and love him like a wife when he is not loving Kloe like a husband should.

He won't take to kindly to you saying no, he cannot live there until the marriage is fully in recovery and you know that he is committed to YOU. He might just realize that you have quite a bit of spunk after all! For some strange reason quys seem to want what they can't fully have. A little mystery and making him wonder, will go a long way in my opinion.

Hey Kloe. How goes the day today so far?

What are you thinking/feeling now that you have "slept" on it?

Keep posting, sweetie!

Spidey

Today has been much better. Couple short e-mails from WH today forwarding a joke, nothing important and he called last night while he was at Price Club to see if I needed anything. He stopped by the house today to let the dogs out at lunch. I can't help but wonder if he is only being nice to me so I will let him see the baby, I really don't think so but it's in the back of my mind. I'm just trying to do what is right for me and the baby and not be driven by emotion. He'll be over tomorrow afternoon.

My sister called last night and we talked for a while. We're not really close but it was nice to talk to her. She thinks I should let WH move home to help with the baby, but only if he is given a time line to either work on the M or move out. I still don't know what to do. We'll see what happens this weekend.

I'm glad your feeling a little better today Kloe.

I was thinking about you last night.

Hang in there girl!

Kloe,
I am glad your feeling better. I have been thinking about you today. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hey there kloe, glad you're still holding on tight.

I'm with weaver...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You WH has had it way too easy in my opinion, if you fail to let him come home right now, he will be forced to start thinking about the damage he himself has done to his family.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">brilliantly said....in my opinion.

Isn't Plan B about reeping what you sow ?

This eases his guilt...he was THERE for the baby.

Hang in there...whatever is best for YOU...is YOUR choice.

Well WH and I finally sat down and talked over dinner tonight. He wants to move home into the guest room and take it slowly. He's not ready to move back into our bedroom and say 100% he's ready to have our M back, but he wants to come home and see how things go. I told him his e-mail said it sounded like he was just coming home for the baby and then would be gone again. He apologized and said he didn't mean it like that. He fell out of love and he doesn't know what will happen. He has agreed to go to MC; however, at this point it will have to wait until after the baby is born. He did confirm that he is not seeing OW but we didn't get into any more specifics.

So I am going to let him move home, we'll start MC (probably not until after the holidays), and see how it goes. Since the baby could be here anyday now, I'm just taking everything one day at a time and really don't have any expectations right now. Hopefully we will be able to start communication and talking about things more and more once he is here.

Kloe, I do believe this board is speechless!

I'm sorry he's coming home without making any commitment. You will do what you can, though, and when the baby comes, things are likely to change.

Good luck - feeling fine?

GC

I wouldn't exactly call it a lack of committment. He doesn't have the benefit of all the knowledge we have here on this site so naturally I believe he is hesitent, not wanting to promise more then he thinks he can deliver right now. He has agreed to try and go to MC which is all I can ask for at this point. Any thing else would just be him telling me what I want to hear, and what good would that be? I don't need to hear false promises.

Now for the baby news. I just got back from the doctor and I am 2 cm dialed. The doctor has agreed to induce me on December 7th so in a little over a week baby Madison will be here!

What more can you ask for? A PLAN and proof of NO CONTACT, also IC because he needs to figure out how he did this in the first place. There are NO guarantees in life, but maybe a guarantee of MC for a certain period of time, and written consequences if he stops or if contact with OW occurs.

I know you want him home. I understand completely, but you need to have some boundaries that can be enforced with REAL consequences, not just oh he'll give it a shot.

NC isn't really the issue in our situation. He is the one who confessed the A to me after 6 weeks because he couldn't stand the guilt. And before he left he was very open and told me when he had to talk to her or see her at work. Now when he comes over he leaves his cell phone and blackberry (which contains all his e-mails) on the table, even when he goes outside to work in the yard for extended periods of time. Plus I don't think he realizes this but he left the connection for his work e-mail on our home computer so I could check it any time. For the last few months he has told me what he is doing and who he is doing it with (all with people who I talk to and could easily verify), even without my asking. And he will be home with me for 6 weeks after the baby is born. During this time he hopes to explore other job opportunities as he has told me time and time again recently that he hates his job. One of the lines he gave me during his time in the fog, was how much he loved his job even though I knew this was not true, hearing him say he hated his job was a sure sign the fog was clearing.

Our biggest problem is he doubts his feelings and doesn't know if they will/can come back. This is why my biggest requirement was MC, which he agreed to. Plus I feel we need to spend as much time together as possible (i.e. Harley's 15 hour requirement) in order to reconnect. It's hard to do that when you are living apart.

I feel in the bottom of my heart that this is the right thing to do for both our M and our child. I couldn't deny him this time to bond with her, because no matter what happens he will always be her father.

First, I am so excited to hear of the imminent arrival of Madison. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> YAY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Second, I am so happy that you have made a decision you feel comfortable with. You sound as if you are very confident of your boundaries, your limitations, and also what you both will need to do to move forward from this place you seem to have become ~stuck~ at.

Keep posting! I can't wait to hear of your new journey. When does he move in?

Spidey

Like Spidey, I am glad you arrived at a decision which brings you peace!

Now you can be a little bit mouthy you know. Sometimes a little mouthiness goes a long way, if it is said in the right spirit and not with judgemental enuendos.

As always, wishing the best for you and lil Madison and hubby (if I must). J/K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SS - I read your response at work and was going to reply that I guess he would be moving one night this week or over the weekend, but when I got home from work he was already here unloading his truck. He also had a fire going in the fire place, my favorite on a cold night. No dinner waiting but he is at the grocery store right now getting something for dinner!

So far, so good. It's weird getting use to living with someone again after being by myself for over 6 months. I wasn't use to having to share the remote <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WH (or is it FWH) has made dinner and done dishes the last two nights, cleaned the house, and did some work in the nursery. Today he has called me at work several times. Right now I'm too tired to deal with the R issues, we'll work on that after the baby is born. Right now it's nice just being with H again and having someone to talk to after work.