***edited to change title, and to add that it was written last night***


I am trying to write a letter to my H explaining that I have had it with the current status of our Marriage, and the treatment he has decided that I deserve. I am not very good at wording- so any imput would be greatly appreciated. Also- I need a good ending. I wrote this last night- was unable to give it to him due to baby waking up sick. Help and critisim is appriciated.
Thanks

Dear H-
It seems that our marriage is just a joke to you. That I am just another player in your game. I feel that you truely do not care about me or my feelings. That was again made very obvious tonight when I called you and stated that I did not like our current situation and that I feel like you and I are raiseing these kids on different shifts and not together, that I felt that we needed more time home together to be better parents and to help build a better relationship- that we need to be more then roommates raising kids. What was your response? That you tried that once. I can not believe that you would even try to use that time in our lives as a reason for me asking for us to try to make more arrangments. That is like pouring salts on an open wound. By making that statement you made it very clear that she is still first in your mind. I do not throw her and your mistakes in your face, why do you throw it in mine?

I tell you my thoughts and feelings after a hard night with our sons and you throw her in my face. I will not stand back any longer and let you treat me with such disrespect. Everytime I have a thought or a feeling, you ask who I have been talking to. H who do I have left? I have alienated myself from so many people to try and keep you happy, I have NO ONE to talk to, not even you because you keep yourself at such a distance. This is suppose to be a marriage. WE are suppose to be equals. We are both suppose to be meeting the others needs.

There are several things that need to be done in order for us to continue in this marriage.

1. You need to talk to me and the children with respect, and stop blameing everything on us.

2. OP number needs to be erased, and all letters, pictures and gifts from her need to be distroyed.

3. We need to find a way to spend at least 15 hours a week together, and that does not include sleeping.

4. We need to see a counselor or priest together. We are not doing well on our own.

You need to realize that I am a person with feelings, heart, and soul. I can find happiness on my own. I want to stay Married to you, however I want a marriage, and what we currently have is not what I call a marriage.

With out these things happening, I am afraid that I am spinning my wheels. I feel that you really do not want to be here and are buying yourself time to save face. I do not want to spend the next 50 years of my life with a man who does not cherish me the way he should. I want a man to love me as much as I love him.

It is time we fight for what we believe in, or give up. We need to stop wasteing time. I for one am ready to fight for us, are you?

We need to talk about this. Please come to me when you are ready.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: T in the road ]</small>

THIS IS GREAT !!!!!!!!!! You are starting to "see the light". This step is monumental for you. I think this letter is great because it comes from the "heart". I don't see any BS manipulation or "strategizing" with this. I am happy for you that you are loving yourslef to write him this letter. Please be aware that in all likelihood this letter will be met with scoff. he has no reason to belive that this letter has any "backing". Do you have a plan in place for what to do if he calls this a bluff by you?

p.s I am at halftime here watching my beloved eagles so I many not be here anymore tonight. Good luck with this.

Lemonman- I have edited it some. Any feed back to changes or to make me sound more stern?

Go Eagles!!

T..

I would start with

"There are several things that need to be done"

Starting right there until the end...fabulous. Before that? Whining.

Glad to see you are making some progress.

Noodle

PS..I wouldn't leave the time of the discussion up to him..when you are ready is pretty subjective..what if he says..OK, never <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> How about next weekend..this gives him time to process his thoughts and to expect a choice to have been made by then is reasonable. He has had time to weigh his mind on the matter.

How about back up. Too much "we need to talk". Lady..talk is all you do. We need to act. Time is ripe for it..over ripe even. How about, if you choose not to invest fully and to my satisfaction in this marriage then one of us IS leaving post discussion [have room and board for yourself [not him] lined up]

Good luck

<small>[ November 15, 2004, 10:26 PM: Message edited by: noodle ]</small>

Noodle, good point.

So do I delete and go from there, or do I do a different intro?

I'd start right there..you reiterate the important stuff near the end anyway.

K,

I'm no expert but it looks great to me. I think your demands are reasonable expectations. The million dollar question is how will he react. Make sure if agrees to the demands he follows through.

You go girl. Good Work!

Miker

I have gotten feedback that it is good, and that I should make changes. i am just nervous about this, I want to make sure it is right. Thanks all.

Hi T

I am proud of you and i do wish you all the luck in the world that he will come around. But as lemonman said be ready for anything. he may not take it seriously.

I too have to lay down my rules for getting my marriage back in order and i am a bit scared because i am not sure how it will go.

Any way good luck again and i am still praying for you.

Sindy