Hi...

I've been reading here for quite some time, and have learned so much. Thank you. I posted a new thread on August 20, "I cannot post freely, please help me":

"Does anyone know how to detect if they're being monitored, such as a key logger, or any other means?

Does anyone know of any good sites that could help me in this area?

I do not know much about computers at all, but WS does. I can't even type the reason for my questions, until I know my computer is not being monitored."

I received a few warm replies, and have been researching online for help, but to no avail. My frustration has certainly crossed the line, into insanity. I must know this so I can post freely.

Also, recently, I went to a website that is not compatible with Norton. The webmaster stated this in advance, and said to "approve/allow" the website within Norton. I couldn't find how to do this though, so I asked ws. He was NO help at all, and basically said it was automatic and there was no way for me to personally "approve/allow" websites with Norton. Is that even true? I have Symantec AntiVirus Corporate Edition.

For a different reason, I desperately NEED help with these:

1) How do I detect what antivirus/firewall/etc is being used on a computer?

2) How do I "approve/allow" various websites with the antivirus/firewall/etc?

3) We have our home computers networked. Does that make a difference with anything?

I just feel so stupid. Please... Please... Please... Is there anybody that can please help me??? Posts or emails, either is fine.

Thank you...

Isleepwithacat
Isleepwithacat@yahoo.com

Your questions:
1) How to detect spyware: I know of two excellent programs. You can download both from the internet and use them without pay (the basic version): Ad Aware (Swedish) and spyboot (German).(I hope I spelled the names correctly). Both are in English. Go to google.com and type in the search field: spyware download spyboot ad aware.
You will then find sites from where you can download these programs.

Download the file. Then double click on the file to install the program on your computer.

After installing and starting the program (you may have to restart the computer first) then look for a menu to update the "signature file" or something like date. That is to receive the last up-dated list with spyware info from the authors. Then start the "search and destroy" or whatever it is called menu option. You will then be presented with a list of found items. Select delete on all the found items. Than you are done with the cleaning for a while. But like cleaning the house, it will not last .

2)How to detect antivirus and firewall programs: These are not hidden. Go to the lower left corner and click the start button. Next click the "programs" menu. A list of programs should now appear.
The antivirus program will have a name like Norton, Norman, .... OK I didn't remember more. Once I did!
I don't know many firewall names. I use zone alarm.

3) The network: I believe there are spyware that is able to stay on one pc and monitor activity on another in a network. For that reason you have to run ad-aware and spyboot on each machine.

The antivirus program will have a name like norton, norman, .... OK I didn't remember more. Once I did!
I don't know many firewall names. I use zone alarm.

3) The network: I believe there are spyware that is able to stay on one pc and monitor activity on another in a network. For that reason you have to run ad-aware and spyboot on each machine.

Hopfully there are others with more knowledge that also can answer you.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 05:26 AM: Message edited by: Frank57 ]</small>

Wrong kind of spyware.
She's trying to find out if computer use is being monitored by her husband using key stroke logger or any other means?

If he is using it, he will now know that you suspect he is using it (because what you previously typed).

If you are worried about it, you can go to the library and use a computer there.

The two programs I recomended will detect and prefencially remove spyware. They are not ment to be silent watchers for spyware. Their presence is not hidden. they are listed in the start-programs menu for all users to se.

I do not think secret operation is what you need. I think you need to know if spyware excist on your PC/network, and then you need to remove it.

So, unlike the last poster, I still think each of these two programs will be able to serve your need.

Ad-Aware will not detect keystroke loggers.
Spybot will detect a few.

I do not think secret operation is what you need. I think you need to know if spyware excist on your PC/network, and then you need to remove it.
She probably doesn't want to remove it because then her husband will get mad.
She just wants to know if she can use the internet without her husband reading what she writes.
Isleepwithacat, is this correct?

Actually, Ad Aware DOES detect keystroke loggers. When I run it it detects the keylogger I use : Perfect Kelogger Lite: and actually disables it, even when I have placed its files in the ignore list. For some reason it doesn't want to ignore its .exe file. LOL

Luckily, my H doesn't know anything about using Ad Aware and the Perfect Keylogger Lite is undetectable- not even listed in processes-, so after I run Ad Aware I just reboot and I'm good to go.

But Frank is right, Ad Aware does detect keyloggers, especially if you keep your version updated.

**Edited to add: Cat, Check in Norton Antivirus the list of "Exclusions" and see if there is an .exe file you do not recognize listed there. Just a thought- I had to put my first keylogger as an exclusion in Norton. Strangely, Norton has NOT detected my new one at all.

I'm leaving town for a week with the kids. This will be the last time I use the keylogger. We are expecting our third child next year (been in true recovery for 11 months), and if I see nothing... I'm moving on and shutting it off.

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: mojodiva ]</small>

I would say that your WS probably has a good reason for monitoring your computer activity. When you cheat on somebody, trust is blown. In order to regain that trust, you have to be willing to be open with EVERYTHING. You have to remove suspicion from your spouse's mind.

This is only temporary. Yeah, I know it sucks, but it is a small price to pay for regaining the trust of your BS. I am monitoring my WW's activity and I have discovered that she is involved in a relationship that is clearly overstepping marital boundaries. Since I confronter her, she denies, denies, denies. She says that they are only joking when they say that stuff. whatever.... She is also ticked off that I'm spying on her. She has tried to remove the program and/or disable its recordings.

Last night, I discovered that I had left a keylog file unencripted and she read it, got my spy program password, and then deleted all of the screen shots from her convo with this "study buddy". Fortunately, she didn't figure out how to delete the keystroke logger. So I still have half of their conversation. I read it this morning and MAN, was I disgusted. They "joked" about rooming together on a class trip to the Netherlands. She called him "Beautimis" and "cute". She asked if he wanted to do somthing together this weekend.

This is clear evidence of her intention to break one of her agreements with me about boundaries. She is not go over to any guy's place or hang out with a guy by herself. I am beside myself. I confronted her about it. She was cold....obviously angry that I found out. But at least now I know.

So their is a purpose for BS's to monitor their WS's. To test their honesty. Yes, it's invasive and sneaky but it forces the WS to be accountable and to be true.

SCdazed,
I would say that your WS probably has a good reason for monitoring your computer activity. When you cheat on somebody, trust is blown.
Okay, but Isleepwithacat did not cheat on anybody. She is the bs-betrayed spouse. Her ws-wayward spouse has no reason to check on her.

Yeah, I know it sucks, but it is a small price to pay for regaining the trust of your BS.
You seem to be a bit confused and your post even shows this. You are mixing the terms bs and ws.

WS=wayward spouse=the person having an affair.
BS=betrayed spouse=the person whos spouse is having an affair.

Isleepwith a cat is a betrayed spouse. Her wwayward spouse husband is using a keystroke logger to check on her.

<small>[ November 19, 2004, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

When my WS began his affair he put a keylogger on my computer (when I was out of town). I think this was to monitor my emails and any sites I may be visiting about my suspiciousness.

I think he wanted to know if/how much I knew. If that makes sense.

As soon as I found it on my computer, I got rid of it and put spyware on his computer and the laptop.

I'm sorry, but something in this thread just cracks me up. It's sort of sickly humourous!

Now I know we all have 'weird' circumstances we must deal with. But here is the deal. If you are dealing with a WS, they really shouldn't have access to your normal life...you can maintain a plan a approach and have privacy on certain levels. If you are in an extended plan a...which is sort of ridiculous, then it's really time to call the WS on their actions.

If the WS is monitoring the BS, I can see only two alternatives..trying to find out about the divorice proceedings or is scared about the BS feelings and what they might be doing. Either of these examples demonstrate the power that the BS has and unknowingly, doesn't realize it. This screams cake-eater. Really.

As the BS, why don't you confront your husband about his spying on you? Ask him what he wants to know...give him a clear demonstration of honesty, integrity, and approachability. You being deceitful like this is asking to bring yourself down to the OW's level....search out the ways of an adultress in Biblical references, then avoid being that type of person.