jph,

I have read SAA and realized that neither of us were meeting each other's EA's. But from a standpoint of me not helping I do believe that I was a good husband, I took care of the inside of the house, the outside, worked full time, went to college and watched the kids on my days off. I am not the monster that she makes me out to be.

I rarely went "out with the boys". All my life I've only tried to advance my career and provide for my family.

Like I said I have read SAA and realized that I probably wasn't meeting her top EA's, at the same time she wasn't necessarily meeting mine. That doesn't mean I went out and had an A. We have both made sacrifices for our choices in life.

Your right in that she wants to go out with her friends and have that carefree life. I'm in Plan A right now but I don't know how much longer. I've come to a conclusion that I wasn't a perfect husband but was a pretty darn good one, and if she would have only told me verbally what she needed (None of us are mindreaders) I would surely tried to fix myself. Anyway if she wants this family then I truly believe that it is up to her. The MC agrees with my side of the story and that we're dealing with a scared little girl right now, that is/has been emotionally and relationship wise very immature.

You are correct in that I want her to CHOOSE me and the life that we have together, not because of the changes that I'm making in myself or the fact that I've got a PI (thanks for clearing that up to me).

Sorry for the ranting everyone. But jph thanks to SAA I have learned how I could have been better and no matter how my M works out I will be better for it!

Native,

One other thing that your WW choses to ignore is that unless you get granted physical custody of the kids in a divorce, SHE will be tied to the kids on a daily basis and she won't have much time to go out with her GFs out to party [she won't be able to count on XHubby to babysit the kids for her]. Furthermore, almost any OM she gets involved with her will do so to have sex with her and maybe live off her [free room and board] until he finds another one that strikes his fancy. But sadly chances are that she will have to go through all of this to finally realize how good she had it with you.

Toomuch,

Yeah I've been thinking the same thing. However I've been preparing for a D and with the evidence I have on her, I really doubt the judge would grant her full custody, although I could be wrong. I don't want her to have the kids when she's like this so. So if I have the kids then she would likely still be able to go out!

However if that is the case then she wouldn't be able to see the kids because I would have custody of them. So either she doesn't go out because she has the kids or she doesn't see the kids because I have them.

Furthermore, almost any OM she gets involved with her will do so to have sex with her and maybe live off her [free room and board] until he finds another one that strikes his fancy. But sadly chances are that she will have to go through all of this to finally realize how good she had it with you.
This is so blatantly obvious, but maybe just from a guys standpoint, or maybe she's so much in the fog that she can't see this FACT.

There's one other thing that your WW doesn't realize yet, is that being single means spending more nights alone than together with a partner, and unless she is ready for this, she will be a very lonely woman.

She's been saying to me that she doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know if she wants a traditional relationship. I don't know if that is part of the fog or if that is really what she wants.

I'm wondering if I should just come out and tell her that the only reason these guys are with her is so they can get into her pants. I don't know if that will push her farther away or not...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
She's been saying to me that she doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know if she wants a traditional relationship. I don't know if that is part of the fog or if that is really what she wants.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is because she is not thinking clearly. She is under the impression that being free and single is great but she doesn't see the downside of it as well and that is that single people are alone most of the time. That many single people go through many relationship breakups that take a severe toll on their psyche.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm wondering if I should just come out and tell her that the only reason these guys are with her is so they can get into her pants. I don't know if that will push her farther away or not... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Intellectually she knows this but emotionally she doesn't beleive it, that is until the OM dumps her after having gotten his jollies from her.

So I guess your giving me confirmation then Toomuch in that the things she is saying are normal for one in the Fog?

So then should I tell her what this guy is thinking about her and most likely going to do to her as nicely as possible?

Native-- Just read about your sitch. You have posted to me before and our sitchs are similar.

I thought I could get sole custody of child as well. Unfortunatley, courtws till favor mom. Unless you prove she is a drunk, drug addict, criminal, etc. you MIGHT have a shot.

My WW knows this, and knows she has me stuck because I would leave her but not son. So I am using it to my advantage, I have laid that out to you in other posts. You should to. Make plans, fake ones if you need to, and make her stay home. Make sure your family supports you and will not enable. I assume if you work full time, go to school, etc. you don't just have $$ laying around for babysitters.

The point is not stick it to her, the point is not to enable her and to show her what single life is going to be like. Hey, XW, want to go...oops...forgot you have 3 kids to watch, guess not.

Yeah I know it would be a tough sell for the judge but I think I have a shot based on the fact that she goes out all time to clubs and drinks.

Since she works untill 11:30 on Friday and Sat. I don't really have an option of keeping her home that I can see. She would just tell me to make sure that if I was going out to get a sitter.