Recently I found out that my H was having contact with OW again. It was supposed to be a one time only thing, and he left because he realized that he had no feelings left for her.
What I don't get is that he gave up a lot of things, among those his loved job to end that relationship for good, but then again I found out that he is chatting and emailing with OW.

He claims he wanted a clean way out of this and told OW he is going to live in another country, but basically I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore.

He said that he realizes now what is he is going to lose, meaning me, or maybe the things we have achieved over time, or I don't really know what he means. I thought I understood this A thing, I mean there has been almost 2 years now reading MB, and I still think he can be honest?

By now, I'm really tired of this all, about his lack of honesty and lack of manhood to do the things that have to be done to overcome this, and get along with the consequences too.

I'm aware, that a lot of things have changed between us, and he has done a lot of big improvements, but I'm not having the kind of recovery I wished on, and I don't think that we are going to make it anymore.

What I'm really waiting on, is for God to show me again this is a lie, the final straw if you like to call it. By now he has becomre a lot more cautios about proff he might let hanging around, but I'm cofident that as always has been I'm going to know, and not even looking for it.

The last thing I knew for sure, was an email OW left him about 10 days ago, and it was pure coincidence I stepped in the room at the time. I didn't even felt bad or angry. but like I said I'm tired, so I emailed both of them that if they were going to have anything please do it anow or end it, be plain with it. I was ok with either choice really, but if they decide to keep at this the hidding, there were going to be consequences that neither of them would like to live. It might be call a threat, but I saw it as a warning.
I don't see anymore what I'm loosing if I leave this relationship, and I'm looking at my as some kind of fool or stupid to keep living like this.

One of the things and I didn't knew at the time that helped me was being separated for almost a year. In all that time, I knew he was with her only on times, but when I knew for sure it was terrible. So the separation helped in the daily strugle of those crazy times, but right now that we are together, it's hard. I do not want to deal with this anymore.

If this is about needs, then I know now if I can't meet the ones OW does with my H, I will never be and I'm ok with it. It's a matter of choice, is not that I do not want to improve myself on that, I think I have to some degree, but I'm not willing to put the weight of that suffering of knowing they are having some sort of contact meanwhile I keep changing anymore.

If we are going to ever recover, it's a matter of commitment and sacrifice on both sides, and saddly I have not saw that much in my H.

Thank you for reading this rant, but I just feel that each passing day I'm more out of love with my H.
Sad huh?

Oh, Matilde, I'm so sorry to hear this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You know, if he is still in contact with OW then he is most defniitely NOT trying to improve the M.

Also, you can meet needs until the cows come home and as long as he is involved with OW then he'll never be quite satisfied. His needs will shift, or you'll do something wrong, or... any number of things, so that he can justify continuing contact with her and push problems in the M off onto you.

What did he say when you found out about renewed/continued contact? Was he remorseful and did he say he'd stop? Is he willing to go to extraordinary effort to avoid contact with her?

Hi mattie,

My computer took a crap and my reply was lost. I have to go now, but I'll try to get back here tonight.

I love the way you responded to the emailing!

Take care

turtlehead

I know that each time he has contact with OW it puts our recovery down the drain.
He knows that too or I guess he does.

His answer was that it was a stupid mistake, and maybe by the way I behaved that it was not pitifull at all but very strong, he saw my resolve once and for all.

Yes he promised it's over, it was the last time, is not going to ever happen again and many things.
But how can I tell this time?

I said I'm not going to do anything more to save this and he knows it. And to some degree I see that he is really trying, that if I got at least 1% of trust left, he can build from that. But the thing is that I have told him I don't even got that 1% left, and I told him this is worthless, but he still NOW wants to fight? I don't got him at all.

He "seems" different this time, but like I said many times before, he is a very smart guy and if he wants to get his way he did and always will. By now I know that, but strangefully now, it seems that every time he slips I find out. I don't know if I'm getting better at this, or if it's divine intervention, because I have asked God several times to tell me if this is true and look what happens! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

On his behalf, today we had a very serious conversation, and he understands me, and he was honest for all I could tell.

But I feel that I'm out of rules, moves or talk, and frankly I'm tired of it all.

Is this ever going to end?

Aw hon, that's terrible. Lots of hugs heading down your way!

<small>[ November 19, 2004, 07:16 AM: Message edited by: Dobie ]</small>

By the way, when I saw this thread I thought maybe your H had gone to Iowa. IA is the postal abbreviation for it. I was gonna have my mom go kick his butt.