Here is the short version of my past 5 months:
Wife did not come home one night in June (2 days b4 fathers day), has been having an affair w/a work buddy since at least March, most likely January, got pregnant from OM, had a m/c, moved out sep 19th, still seeing OM and she may be bi-polar - - is in IC but is not taking her meds.

Does not look like that one sentenance (even if it is a run on) could hurt so much, does it? Well, our MC thinks she is going to bottom out soon and I should `leave the door open' to help her. I no longer think I want her as my wife. Why would I?

Well, to make matters worse, I just found that the family business I have been working at that 'merged' last year is being shut down by years end, 1st quarter 2005 at the latest.

So now, I have no wife, a set of twins, big time child support to pay, a morgage and soon, no job. I feel like crap. All I seem to be able to do is sing the verse from a Green Day song "I've got no motivation, where is my motivation... ad infituim".

And to boot, work is currently AFU becaues everyone knows that the end is near.

Its dark out and I am wearing sunglasses.

At least the seperation seems to be moving along, her lawyer has the 1st draft and I hope to hear something this week, fingers crossed!!

What kills me is when I see her (I did Sunday at her folks house) and I catch her staring at me, when I ask why, she says "just admiring your beauty" or when she shows me her new business card and it still has our last name on it or when she asks me for help in writing a letter to the school she plans on attending to try and get a scholership and on top of all that, when I go to her new apt to watch the kids and I see her sleeping T-shirt is from the OM and she has the OM watch the kids alone for 5 hours at a time!

Then, she uses the cell phone and is way over and still in my name!

Oh well, any advice??

CTH,

First of all a big {{{MB hug}}} <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

What you have outlined is not all within your control. As hard as it is to believe, survival is achieveable. Mandatory for most of us. A good thing too!

I know you have a lot on your plate but prioritize your list and work on what is within your power. Things will settle down and the options will start opening up.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by canthishelp:
<strong> Here is the short version of my past 5 months:
Wife did not come home one night in June (2 days b4 fathers day), has been having an affair w/a work buddy since at least March, most likely January, got pregnant from OM, had a m/c, moved out sep 19th, still seeing OM and she may be bi-polar - - is in IC but is not taking her meds.

Does not look like that one sentenance (even if it is a run on) could hurt so much, does it? Well, our MC thinks she is going to bottom out soon and I should `leave the door open' to help her. I no longer think I want her as my wife. Why would I?

Well, to make matters worse, I just found that the family business I have been working at that 'merged' last year is being shut down by years end, 1st quarter 2005 at the latest.

So now, I have no wife, a set of twins, big time child support to pay, a morgage and soon, no job. I feel like crap. All I seem to be able to do is sing the verse from a Green Day song "I've got no motivation, where is my motivation... ad infituim".

And to boot, work is currently AFU becaues everyone knows that the end is near.

Its dark out and I am wearing sunglasses.

At least the seperation seems to be moving along, her lawyer has the 1st draft and I hope to hear something this week, fingers crossed!!

What kills me is when I see her (I did Sunday at her folks house) and I catch her staring at me, when I ask why, she says "just admiring your beauty" or when she shows me her new business card and it still has our last name on it or when she asks me for help in writing a letter to the school she plans on attending to try and get a scholership and on top of all that, when I go to her new apt to watch the kids and I see her sleeping T-shirt is from the OM and she has the OM watch the kids alone for 5 hours at a time!

Then, she uses the cell phone and is way over and still in my name!

Oh well, any advice?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't have any marriage building advice for you here. Things honestly look pretty dire for you now. I can bet that someone here has been worse off than you and "recovered" their marriage, so take that for what it is worth. I would do whatever you need to do to protect yourself in a divorce. DON't BE A DOORMAT TO YOUR WIFE !!Start looking for a new job NOW. Be proactive about your life. You CANNOT do anything for your wife to change her behavior. You can only work on yourself. YOu may have to start accepting the real realities that your wife has SEVERE character flaws and this is not all just some "alien" behavior "fog". Eventually these rationalizations will serve no purpose but to keep you in denial of what your life is. You should be the best father you can be. Let your wife do her thing, she will eventually have to live with the consequences of her actions. This probably does not help, perhaps one of the more wiser posters can give you some Plan A or marriage building advice. Best wishes.

I echo part of what LM said...

It seems to me that you have WAAAAY too much on your plate right now. (I have twins also, by the way, so I know what that is like.)

You need to take care of your own life right now, and leave your wife to her dysfunction.

Start by shoring up your employment situation. How are the prospects?

And make life easier for yourself by staying out of the drama. By all means, take care of the kids. But...try to find ways to do it that don;t get you sucked in to the soap opera your wife is living right now.

I remember your old posts..and I have a Q..if your wife is so unstable, why are the children with her, and you paying support? Seems backwards.

What happened?

Noodle

Canhelpthis, it sounds like you have stress out the ying yang. It's so hard when so many areas of your life are bad. To me, it seems like you can't actively do much about your WW. I feel like I'm on hold with WH too. Maybe you should try to put some energy into a new job. Difficult when your ego and confidence is shot but necessary. You may be pleasantly surprised by the response you get from new employers. At least it's a positive move and takes your mind off WW. Good luck moving to a new job.

I'm sending a big hug at you because every cyberhug I get makes me feel a little better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, as far as this board goes, I'm probably in the closest situation to yours.
WW living with OM, got pregnant, gave birth....

I'm not sure how I can help you with this, except to say that the only person who's opinion matters most is your own. You have to decide for yourself what you want out of all this.

I would think that your first priority is job. Even if your W wanted to come home tomorrow, there won't be a home for too long without a job. Somehow you need to set everything to do with W aside for a bit and get that taken care of. I'd also do something about the phone. If you don't want to cancel it because you don't want to make W even angier, maybe you can put some sort of limit on it, as far as how many over minutes you'll allow before it gets turned off for the month or something like that.

You might check out the book, "Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do" Written by Dr. Robert Schuller.

The mind can overcome any obstacle with Possibility Thinking. Good luck with your case. If I was a betting man, I would say your best days are ahead of you and that your setback today is only temporary. One day at a time for now and in time, she will be calling you for advise. The BS is generally the stronger of the two. Take care in the mean time.

TooSoon

Thank you all for your replies. I had forgotten how good well wishes make me feel. Man, I am in such a funk today. Got to shake it off. ROTFLMAO in a vain attempt to fool myself into happyness!!!!!

Orchid, thanks for the hugs and optimistic vision. Worst case is that I end up w/out a job, on the street with my WW in jail and the state watching my kids. Well, we cannot have that now can we?

Lemonman, neat name, whats the backstory? Care to share? I know things aren't great, but I am focusing on the kids. Gave them a bath tonight and read a book and played with trains and dolls (they are three) So it was a good night if not a good day. I think the work stress is now starting to kick in. I have not had a job since I was 15 (that was 20 years ago) so I am a bit freaked out.

AndrewA: I was able to work out an arraingement with my MIL (who is still super mad at her daughter) so I get to watch the kids for a couple of hours and then play in my volleyball league. Yea!

Noodle: Thanks, you said some things a while back that really helped me. Just wanted to thank you. My WW is unstable in my eyes, not her psychiatrists eyes. He thinks she MAY be bi-polar, but can not see her for 4 more weeks! I am going to try and suggest she keep on her meds at least for a while. Sometimes when I try to help it blows up in my face though.

HurtingCarol: I am starting to look for a job. It is a b!tch right now tough. I finally took a couple of days off since D-Day and it was kinda nice. I am taking this Friday off too, so I should be able to do some searching then also.

TTSi: You make a great point, even if she came out of this 'fog' that seems to be such a crutch for people, we still would be moving in a few months anyways. She actually claims to feel bad that I may be loosing my job.

Thank you all for you kind words and thoughts. I hope you all have a good night and get some quality rest.

Thanks again!!