When I tell my husband that there are problems with our relationship and that he should be worried he tells me it is just my imagination and that he is not worried. Is it me? Should I not worry when we are both very unhappy? I have asked him to go back to marriage counseling and he says that no amount of talking is going to change things.
When he is not ignoring me he is yelling at me and calling me names. Then when I ask for an appology he says that I should not take him so literally. That I should know he does not mean it. I should not be so sensitive. For example I was leaving on a trip for 3 days and when I aked him to make sure our daughter had the things she needed for the weekend he asked if I could be a bigger B!t@&. Again he said that I should not have held a grudge until I got home. I have been home for almost 2 weeks and have still not gotten an appology.

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: future x wife ]</small>

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. Can you elaborate any on what is going on?

Hi there future x wife,

Based on what you said,your H is not taking your concerns seriously and obvioulsy,to you and I anyway,that can lead to disaster.

I think before it gets to that point though,you need to really grab his attention and pull him out of his funk.You need to make him realize that you are at a crossroads and he needs to WAKE UP.

How do you do this? Well,for one if he won't go to counseling,you go,alone.There is no reason that you can't at least start the process here.This way you have a bona fide professional in your corner and you can start learning more about relationships and how to solve problems.If that doesn't stir things up,then start making a list of what you would like to see happen in your marriage and what you want.Also,what YOU plan to do to improve your marriage.Sometimes it takes one person to get the other motivated.

Next,if that doesn't work,make another list,of imrovements that you would like to see happening in the marriage before you consider a *separation.Usually,the word separation is a big wake up call.Hopefully you won't need to go that far but if that still doesn't appear to work,well,then you know you have some realy serious issues because the threat of separation isn't making a dent and that may mean that your H is not invested much at all in the current state of the marriage.So it's a good thing that you are bringing all this to the forefront.

Dismissing concerns is one sure fire way to make your spouse feel unimportant and can also can fuel resentment and anger.So don't think it's you.But start making more noise about the things you are unhappy with ok? Be firm but loving.You'll get a better response if you are not confrontational in a negative way.

Good luck.

O