It's been a while since I posted an update.

My D has been prolonged. In my state, I could have let it default in six months to a relatively painless, automatic divorce. I was advised by attorney friends and other professionals not to do that. It would limit my legal options should things go awry. Moreover, when dealing with crazies, they said, you better make sure you build a big legal wall between yourself and them.

So I did. At great expense. Meanwhile, my H had a huge public wedding with OW -- to which I was invited -- and has made grossly insensitive, if not cruel, public gestures with "OW."

He filed his taxes illegally as "single," and has done several other fishy things -- not like him.

OW has approached me, presumably to play out some drama she has seen in some trashy movies -- for instance, proffering friendship (while backstabbing in private), or otherwise making some tawdry speech about who knows what. True love. Whatever.

Most of my friends have betrayed me, in one way or another (with H&OW's active connivance), so that they could suck up to the alpha male. This is a downer, of course. But then -- how many friends does one really need? I am trying to make some new ones.

H sat on the disclosure papers my lawyers sent for about 5-1/2 months. Then, a few days before his proposed remarriage, he hurried them back to my lawyer. Of course, I didn't have mine done, and it was a big battle to complete my end -- I keep no financial records, as he knows. All the while H, his lawyer, etc., are hectoring me to hurry, hurry, hurry. Hectoring others to hector me to hurry. The excuse was OW's need for a green card -- but she has an independent income, and should have no problem coming and going as she pleases. He does nothing for nearly six months -- then wants everything rushed.

My lawyer says that something seems to have happened in the last month -- some new pressure to end this.

This has been a real downer, needless to say. That's why I haven't been here much. I'm just trying to focus on other things in my life. Things that hold more promises.

Can't help but feel that the "rush" to finalize things means that the A is well on its way to self-immolation, and H is hoping things will solidify if he remarries. But no one will know. He's into control, and wouldn't let on anything if it were true. She's morose and silent -- nothing will come out of her. Both of them have a lot of problems. Two unhappy people don't make for a happy R. But everyone is willing to pretend. That will be their learning curve.

I'm in deep, deep Plan B. I don't speak to them, even when approached, and when I get a weird, hectoring letter from H (all very "reasonable," of course) trying to push me (he's even threatening/blackmailing me with a deposition if I don't move fast enough) -- I forward it all to my lawyer, who seems greatly amused by their behavior. His lawyer is acting like a thug.

His college-age kids are ashamed, but we don't discuss it much. I'm trying to make a home for them -- they don't seem to be comfortable at his place, though I can't be sure.

I can't help but feel he's going downhill in a big way. Pray for him.

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 12:46 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

What have you been doing for yourself lately ? {{{(((hug)))}}}.

I'm confused...You said

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Meanwhile, my H had a huge public wedding with OW -- to which I was invited </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you guys still married? Did he marry this OW? As far as the green card goes..the OW is probably running out of time with the AMOUNT of time she can spend in the US without one. And dont quote me, but I THINK that after a certain amount of time, once that time expires she cant come back anymore...but I am not 100% sure on that. Look it up under green cards or immigration laws! That might explain the "rush" on everything!

Oh Redhat, I've kind of just gone on. I'm trying to figure out the rest of my life right now. As for H and OW (and me, for that matter), it's all in higher hands than mine ... I just can't think about this stuff too much. I don't have any answers. I'm reconnecting with old friends (from decades ago), reading, trying to escry from tea leaves where I'm going. I actually find a lot of fulfillment in the kids, right now. But they are all outward bound, at this point. I know it sounds pompous as hell, but I'm trying to take my next assignment from the higher-ups. Much higher-ups. And I just don't get any clear indications. It's all foggy and unclear.

Mom, what you say may be true. She has enough money to come and go as she pleases. Perhaps she's overstayed her visa, at this point. I really don't care too much what their problems are. They are both so small they barely exist. And it's sad, because he wasn't always like this. I don't think things are emotionally calm -- he's a difficult person, and she's unstable. There's bound to be stuff coming up -- but I don't really know or care too much what it is.

And oh yes, we are still married. After all, why let a "technicality" interfere with the nuptuals & merry-making?

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

if you are still married, how did he have another wedding?

You buy a dress, get a cake, and invite 600 of your closest friends. You publicly swear eternal love -- just like he did with me. Only he was single.

Happened last summer.

My lawyer thinks that they are trying to rush now because of the embarrassment of it all. I say they don't embarrass that easily.

seems a trite silly to me. How can a man pledge his undying love and loyalty while still married to the first woman he pledged it to.

Can't be legal.

Why would people show up. What was the point of inviteing you? to pour on the salt???????

They invited me because it was their way of proving to themselves nothing particularly hurtful was happening. It's all about them.

Why? No idea.

A.M.Martin,

Any time you want to come and play at BayArea ... let us know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-rh-

A.M., how in heaven's name did these two find hundreds of people to come to their big fake wedding? Who are these people you were friends with? It blows my mind that the APs could find that many wimpy yes-men to witness such a charade.

GC

300. But who's counting?

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Hello again! A.M.M.

I don't get on much anymore. I see that your H's circus is still parading from spectacle to spectacle.

Even though you've let go, I know it still hurts. I'm sorry....

My situation is spinning up a bit again. W is back in contact with OM ... talking D. I know it seems so unimaginably tame next to your situation. (Sigh) ... my boring life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-AD

Hi, AMM: I am very worried for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Lemonman isn't here, so I am going to be his proxy. Straight to the point. No sugar coating.

I am confused by what you wrote. I am sort of new here. Well, 2nd time around! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> But, I am an Analyst by profession so I am just going to come out and say what came into my mind when I read this.

You are still married. Yet your WH "marries" the OW. You went to the "wedding"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Why? What did YOU gain out of it?

Was there a priest? If there was, you could have told him that it was not legal. Why didn't you report it to the authorities? The first reason being to legally protect yourself. What are the legal ramifications for YOU of being at a ceremony where BIGAMY is being committed? Bigamy is a crime. And you WENT along with it by being at the "ceremony". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That makes you an accessory to a crime, right? You could legally be in deep kaka, IMO. You need to report this to the police ASAP!

You say you have attorneys, yet they didn't tell you? AND, he continues to threaten/harrass you with a deposition of what? If you have nothing to hide, why let it bother you? Why is there no restraining order or whatever? You do not need to put up with that cr@p!

Okay, this whole situation sounds wrong. You gave your WH disclosure papers and you don't have your stuff ready? If you know and he knows that you don't have financial records, you HANDED the power to him. You did nothing to start getting the required records together? WHat stopped you? You are letting him control this situation. And financially you might be screwing yourself royally.

Okay, enough for now.

My prayers are for you.

{{{AMM}}}

think of you often...

prayers of strength come your way...

biding time is what I hope you are doing till you can basically leave dodge....

ms. martin was not at the wedding... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
not even incognito....

she was invited by the brain alien induced hubby though.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

it was a public pronouncement of their "love"....ugggh that looks as insidious as it sounds....

there is nothing legal or reconizable about it...

keep on moving through with grace ms. martin..

I am sorry about the friends...
I hope you do just leave soon one day...

ARK...

WHEW! Thanks for clearing that up, ARK. Nothing like reading this post at 3:30 in the morning and coming to the wrong conclusions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am very glad that I was wrong. Yikes! What a mess!

{{{{AMM}}}}

AM -

Thank you for the update. I remember very well your thread of the fake marriage ceremony and have often wondered how you are doing.

It's sounds like you are doing quite well in face of what had to be a horribly humilating experience for youand one that is still ongoing.

As for your statement saying that one only needs so many true friends and that you are trying to make new ones - good for you. This is something we all deal with sooner or later in our lives and as painful as it is we end up with a couple of true friends if we are lucky. But a couple of true friends are worth more than gold and 100's of false friends.

Fighting - not to answer for AM, but until she gets here:

She did not attend the fake marriage ceremony, but the kids did and were not impressed from my understanding.

And it was not bigamy as their was no marriage license, it was only a celebration party of their "love" for each other made to look like a wedding ceremony. This was what I understood AM to say in a previous thread anyway.

I too can not understand who in their right mind would have attended such a hypocrisy, but apparently with atleast 300 people, free food and an opportunity to witness such a spectacle outweighed any good sense and intigrity they may have possessed.

Ark,

Looks like we were posting at the same time and on the same page this fine morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Edited to add-

And you always say in such few well chosen words what takes me several paragraphs to spit out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How do you do that, must be a talent, heh?

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 05:43 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Morning, Weaver. BLECH! Some "friends, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Who needs enemies?

THis is just awful. But, I was also worried that AMM is not protecting herself enough financially. AS I said in the post. It 'looked' like she is letting him decide the timeline on the entire divorce. i.e. when HE decide to sign the diclosure papers, etc.

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 05:45 AM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

Fighting,

Yes. I know nothing about the legal process of divorce so no comment there.

If you do then you are certainly a welcome amd much needed addition to this site <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />