Weaver, well that was my concern.

Disclosure in divorce proceeding normally means financial. Meaning ALL of your assets and liabilites, debts, etc have to be disclosed. So that the marital assest can be divided.

So, when AMM said he sat on the papers then rushed them through while she didn't have her financial stuff ready; even though HER lawyers processed the papers.... Big red flag! Because, if AMM doesn't know where WH assets are, then how can she get a fair portion because he might be hiding a lot. Like transferring to someone else's name, not declaring, etc. AMM needs that information for her protection.

Thanks for the suggestion about the legal process thread. What a good idea. However, I am sure there are plenty of related threads on the Divorcing thread for people who have gone through situations that might apply here. And, right now, I am not looking at the D thread. Still trying to recover this M. Still in the early days yet.

And, when my first M ended in divorce over 20 years ago, we did not try to screw or lie to each other. In fact we are friends today.

But, other friends have gone through HE!! because they trusted their WH and didn't know what, where or how much the assets were, they literally went from living in a mansion to social assistance. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

So, I am honestly trying to help AMM avoid a potential disaster.

Hi A.M.

Boy,there is one consolation here,which I hope you are taking full advantage of mentally,and that is your WH has a few screws loose.Now,I don't mean to offend you but if my WH were acting that irrationally,I would feel so much better(validation)that my part in all the A mess was minimal or nil.This has played out like some sopa opera.

And,for the 4th time in MB history for me,my jaw dropped.So OW was married.What a crock! Do you think that the "marriage" of WH and the OW was witnessed by the INS? Maybe he/she was a guest hence all the invitees!! I have a feeling that things are about to get a LOT worse for those two.Just stay clear of the blast zone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

AMM,

First, I am very sorry about your situation.

What is your lawyer advising you to do in regard to the revelation that the OW may be married?

It seems to me like that's a good reason to slow things down - if indeed time and discovery could unravel things for the loving couple.

Hi, AM,

Thanks for posting your update here, it is sad to hear that you are a bit directionless at the moment, but good to hear you are making a home for stepsons and thinking of the future.

I always enjoy your posts; you have a real talent for writing.

I can't believe OW was married. They are not living in the same realm of reality that the rest of us are, are they? O was correct in saying this should validate your feelings of normalcy and that they are the ones out of touch.

Hi Folks.

A.M.M. used to post quite a lot here. She's a smart lady and I think she is on top of things legally.

For her history...

Click on "Search" at the top of the page, and "Search by Registered Member Number"

A.M.M == 25835

-AD

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

I agree.I have followed A.M. posts too and I do think she is handling herself just fine.Especially when her WH gives new meaning to the term "circus".Next act is coming soon.

O

I just love A.M.

Pep

Good morning! Thank you all for your posts, and all the kind words. You are all being lovely.

Fighting, please don't worry about bucks. I spent three months getting my stuff together, back-and-forth with lawyer, etc. That's why the other side is so antsy and mad. They were going to be "married" last summer. Month creeps after month ... nada, nada, nada. But I wasn't being disingenous or trying to manipulate them -- it actually took that long (and I lost a lot of work time) to pull stuff together. What is the depo about? Presumably financial stuff, which I have very little understanding of, and they know it. So the purpose is to intimidate and frighten me.

Quote from a teabag from one "Elmer Davis": "The first and great commandment: Don't let them scare you."

My lawyer says they are doing it to run up the legal costs for me. And to force me to move faster. But my lawyer is not inclined to jump to their threats. Much has already been divided. I needed the lawyer for protection against their craziness -- that's the primary reason he's in the picture. I didn't know what form the craziness would take, but I predicted a year ago that this was going to go bonkers. And it has.

Of course I didn't go to the wedding circus -- didn't even respond, as I'm in Plan B. Apparently, if you don't have a license, you can do what you want (my stepkid was surprised that they could find people who lacked the integrity ... but many people didn't know. When you go to a wedding you don't check the license, or the bedsheets the next morning, for that matter). I can have myself coronated and be Queen of England if I want -- but that doesn't mean parliament will recognize me.

They keep trying to be "friends" -- and then they turn around and do stuff. The good Dr. Jekyll shakes my hand, and the terrible Mr. Hyde... Yes, there are screws loose all around.

AD, Sorry you OM is back in the picture. Plan B, should you go to it ever, does offer a measure of peace. Don't feel bad about missing drama!

Ark, Yes, I'm biding my time. I just wish a few more doors would open to give me new directions. But all the doors keep leading back to this strange waiting room.

October, Yes, the A had to do with sexual addictions on the other side. I'm wife #3. Wife #1 was a good friend of mine. #2 looked like a mid-life crisis wife. I thought he was sadder but wiser when I married him. Didn't understand that he was rolling downhill, to much public adulation. Developed an internet pornography addiction that drove me wild for a year before the A. OW has a history of instability -- don't know too many details, but I have yet to find someone who actually likes her. Most people find her ... to put it mildly ... strange. She apparently was in an R with another woman when she aggressively snagged H .

AD, part of the sitch is -- yes, it is painful and it hurts -- but another part does see the humor of it. Part of the humor is that EVERYONE is trying to pretend OW is normal and fine. They've disliked her for years. But now they are trying to act like everything is hunky dorey.

I fear she will disappoint them, and they will have to get off their butts!

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

This has the makings of a really interesting screenplay.

Pep

Don't tempt me.

shameless self-bump.

Hi AMM!

Oh the drama, eh? (I'm not Canadian, but I speak a bit of the language).

You and redhat (and any other MBers in the Bay Area available) need 2 cogitate about hooking up with me and JL somewhere downtown during the week of the 13th of December. I'll be there from the 12th-16th, but I don't know when JL's planning on it or if he has time 2 do dinner one evening.

-ol' 2long

Except Monday night I am available. Hey, even a quick drink will do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Very likely I'll be around.

Downtown SF or SJ???

Pep

AM, the complications and weirdnesses of your story never cease to amaze me. Can I -please- tempt you to write a screenplay?

I have to say, though, that you sound a bit like they're starting to get to you. I'd love to see you get truly away from the entire community you're in. Perhaps for a short time (two week vacation to another place, say) and even better for a long time (relocation to another state, say). When things get as strange as they are in your life, you start to think that it's normal when it's NOT.

I've been through the wait-wait-wait-PRESSURE-PRESSURE-PRESSURE game, too. I'd suggest that you obtain a restraining order against your H contacting you in any way. Threats are not cool, and he has no business contacting you for things that are going through the attorneys.

Just J, I definitely know what you mean. That's why I post here. People treating things as "normal" here when they are way off-the-scale weird. MB and my family and ILs restore my common sense.

As for going away...as always, there are kids' needs to consider. I am isolating myself more and more, however, and reaching out to outside friends and community. Professional life, too. Yes, it's an ordeal, but my kid, for one, has suffered enough psychological dislocation. We're in the final push for college for the next year or so. I don't want her to screw up. And for that I'm willing to endure a lot of agony.

Legal action you suggest is an interesting possibility.

There are surely ways to get yourself out of the community without moving your daughter. And remember, too, that in every community there are multiple sub-communities. Even in the smallest ones. Keep yourself open to that and you'll start to find them.

And yes, do consider the legal steps. Protecting you is what your attorney is there for. Talk about it and see what he can do, either formally or informally.

You are right about sub-communities. I'm exploring them. But my understanding of this mess has become more and more spiritual -- and that puts me at odds with those who see it as morally neutral and "political." Even in sub-communities, I keep being painted as a jilted woman -- which of course is partly what's going on, and partly going on inside me.

But the thing is: that's not the vision of this thing I want to feed. He-hurt-me-and-it-feels-so-bad is nothing compared to the spiritual-existential-whatever problems this sitch poses. We do have souls, and their nature is determined by our choices, as Dante said. And that is the vision I wish to keep -- not the self-pity, bitterness, etc., that are byproducts. People who see me as the luckless one -- in fact, most of the people I speak to -- have a purely terrestrial vision of what's going on. The people who attended the fake wedding don't see that their souls are determined by their choices, too. It wasn't the free space on the monopoly board.

For that reason, I have some reluctance about contacting attorney. I don't get that many thuggish emails from my WH -- in fact, they are rather rare. But I keep hoping, somehow, he will somehow start to see himself in all of this. The more blood on his own hands, the greater the likelihood of this happening -- that his conscience will wake up. And, of course, the greater the negative stakes, too -- that he will simply become more of a thug, more self-corrupting. (Also, asking my lawyer to do anything costs bucks -- and WH's shennanigans are already running up huge bills.)

Honestly, I tried to be the best wife I could, despite his multiple problems. While I was far from perfect, I have done nothing to deserve this. Since he moved out, not a harsh word has crossed my lips. I have studiously avoided him, and left him on his own with his strange, bisexual OW and her phony marriage. While I have been accused of calumny, I have told nothing but the truth. Surely someday he will see this? How greatly he has dumped on a woman who was taxed to the extreme for loving him? How much he's deteriorated?

If not, it's little skin off my nose. The odd email from him is upsetting -- but not frequent enough to be a major influence in my life. Plan B works: it does offer me psychological protection.

I need to keep building bridges out, Just J. I don't have enough bucks to go it on my own yet, so until a new direction becomes clear in my life, uprooting everyone is unwise. Plus, this is a stable home for a number of kids -- mine and his. THEY need some stability at this point, too.

I know, I know. It's harder on me. But so far I'm probably the toughest, most resilient person in this mess. Luck of the draw!

Really, if there's one chance in a zillion it's worth it. What I'm facing is nothing compared to what he's facing.