Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I wonder if my WW is fibbing about ever having sex with the OM. The A went on before I discovered it for about two months, she would see him in the evening when she said she had to go back in to work but was always home by 10pm or so...they only went away overnight together one time and he had his kids with him and she said they all stayed in the same room.

When I asked her how many times they had sex, she said once but wouldn't give any other details...could she just be telling me that happened to try to make me angry and provide the 'easy way out'? Enquiring minds want to know.

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 06:39 AM: Message edited by: Hurting Hoosier ]</small>

HH,

It's been my experience that just the opposite is true... my W would tell me over and over that "nothing" was going on or "nothing" happened...

It sounds like your W is still very foggy...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I KNOW she is still very foggy. I honestly think she needs psychiatric help...she exhibits symptoms of depression like a textbook case. But that's another matter entirely...even mentioning that sends her over the edge right now..

It's a safe assumption that the affairees are lying about everything - especially to each other.

Do not dwell on trying to pick out the lies your WS may be telling. Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.

Here's a useful tactic to take advantage of this (if you happen to know some details about the OP AND your WS knows you know some things): without LB'ing, suggest that what OP has said or claimed to the WS about something is a lie.

The WS will KNOW that he/she has told lies to the OP, so they will wonder if the OP has lied to them, too. This may create an opportunity for turmoil within the affair.

WAT,

That is indeed an effective technique. I had a variation of it in my own situation:

The OM's spouse told me that her husband told her that he had sex with my wife "just for fun." Meanwhile, he was telling my wife that he was madly in love with her. He also told his wife that he had given in to sex with my wife only after she badgered him into resistence by revealing that HIS wife had feelings for another man. In actuality, what happened is that HE asked my wife to dance one evening when they were talking...and things went from there.

I told my wife this as non-chalantly as possible. It really set her off. She was so mad, in fact, that she told me she briefly considered calling the OM to tell him off. She didn't, however. (This was after NC had been established for about a week.)

Anyway, I think this information opened her eyes to a lot of things. What she was being told by the OM is clearly not what he was telling his wife. He made my wife sound like a slut and a sedcuctress. That angered her.