Hello All,

WW moved out 6 weeks ago, under the pretense "I can't work on the relationship while I'm here."
Up until the time she left, she had (former) M counselor and me convinced that OM was no longer hot & heavy in the picture. (I feel like an idiot even writing that... how could I have been so ignorant?!)

W and I have had some contact since she moved out, but essentially no R-talk.

Confirmed PA continues (or perhaps re-started) last weekend when they went away for a long weekend. She knows that I know about it. On Monday morning following their weekend fling, W called/emailed me 4 times throughout the day, into the evening, for no apparent substantial reason other than to probably check my reaction to this latest A event(?)

They work together, and both report to the president of the company.

Today I will be finally exposing the A at their office by emailing their boss and 2-3 closest friends of W. I know I'm way overdue with this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Here's what I'm trying to figure out: when the venom starts spewing after the exposure, what should I say to my W, and what should my general demeanor be with her?

Thanks for your help!
tqt

When she blames you for "invading her privacy" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> simply respond that you are interested in rebuilding your marriage and you have a plan for doing this.

Don't try to explain the logic of removing the secrecy of the affair thru exposure. This explanation will not reach her.

Don't try to capitalize on her hypocrisy of you not minding your own business.

Don't fight fire with fire. Fight fire with water.

"I love you and I want to rebuild our marriage."

She will most likely accuse you of destroying any possibility of doing that by what YOU did. Ignore this blather. Say, "I understand your concern. I love you and I want to rebuild our marriage to better than it's ever been. I have a plan for doing this."

Hi tqt,

I'll just address this post since I don't know your whole story...yet.

First,PLEEEEASE don't feel like an idiot or ignorant.The fact is,your WW is supposed to be TELLING THE TRUTH.Because she DID NOT doesn't make you any less of a person because you want to and should be ABLE to believe her.DON'T take any blame for that ok?!

When the blast comes from exposure,stand clear.This means NO LB'S,NO DJ'S,hold your tongue,let her empty on you if need be and don't comment,not right away if you can.Now this doesn't mean that she can disrespect you and abuse you so if she is really going off,kindly tell WW that you understand that she is upset but that you cannot speak with her unless she calms down,etc.The more CALM you are,the less she will have to fight against.She will have enough ammo with just the exposure but you both get into a knock down drag out fight about this,you will be shooting yourself in the foot.YOU need to look like the one with all the integrity and dignity in the world.

IMO,a person who is calm and rational and fact based looks more professional and together than one who is emotional and a wreck.EXPECT that she will be mad,guard yourself against the inevitable backlash and deal with the aftermath calmly and respectfully,as much as you can.

Does this make sense? Same to be said if the boss decides to call you and dicuss the matter.If you appear professional and speak out of respect for your WW and what she is going through and what this may mean for her at work,the boss will most likely think of you in positive terms and that you're not some disgruntled,rejected H out to get his wife in trouble.

That's my suggestion anyway.Look for WATS' Affair Exposure 101 thread.I bumped it up yesterday.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

O

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

WAT and O,
I've done a LOT LOT LOT of reading here on MB, and let me say this:
I'm honored to receive replies from you both! I bet I speak for many people when I say that knowing you guys are out there caring and reading and writing and caring some more... just makes a hellish situation so much more tolerable. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
(MelodyLane, if you're reading this, same sentiment applies to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )


Your advice makes perfect sense, and I will do my best. W can be vicious (an understatement, as far as last several months go), and I'm expecting the worst from her. OMW (now OMxW or STBXW) told me OM is always nervous about "looking good/right" with The Boss, so this could potentially shake him up pretty good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .
I have absolutely no worries that W's job will be in jeopardy, otherwise I would leave Boss out of it.


Just found out that W will be out of the office for a meeting most of day Friday.

Now I'm wondering if it would make sense to wait and send emails on Friday????
Could make the logistics/timing a bit easier...

Link to my first post; a very streamlined description of The Whole Sad Story