I don't know exactly why but this morning I work up cheerful and filled with new resolution. It's not like I've had any good nights sleep. Not fair that WH can sleep like rock when I toss, turn and wake up often.
I've decided that I am not going to be HurtingCarol on this forum anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I am going to reregister under a new name...something more positive. Nothing seems right yet. If you have any ideas pass them on!
Yesterday, I did something that I didn't like. We got an email from my husband's cell provider changing his password and I moved it into a folder where he couldn't find it. I felt he was trying to hide something more. When he got home, he tried to find it and asked about it. He pays it online and needed it to pay the bill. (Its a work cell.) Later, away from the kids, I told him what I'd done and that I'd restore it. LB? maybe. Trustbuilder? maybe. Depends on your point of view. At least I feel honest.
I'm not going obsess. I have explicit proof of the A. Is he seeing OW? Maybe at work but since Sunday, he's been home on time with no extra mileage. That's good. He's agreed to go to our son's playoff football game (a 10 hour drive RT) on the parent booster bus. That's a victory. Won't make a commitment about Thanksgiving. Well, the kids and I will do as we please. WH isn't doing anything weird. Maybe there's hope. Maybe we can at least be rational.
I feel very positive this morning. I feel happier. Is this a new stage? Not sure my marriage is any better or anything but it bothers me less. Our kids have seemed really stressed. My craziness doesn't help. I can only control my actions, not WH. I gave him a cheerful good morning and waved goodbye to his car. Tomorrow I may relapse but today I feel good.
Now for the new handle....
<small>[ November 17, 2004, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: HurtingCarol ]</small>
