On another thread you were asking for studies....and I happen to have a few that might give you some food for thought. I'm not trying to change your mind, but I did want to show you that there is a pervasive amount of research to support the idea that children from intact families fare far better than those from divorce. While I agree with you that it isn't impossible for children to adjust well to divorce (statistics vary but somewhere around 75% will adjust okay...that other 25% with problems, is still twice as high as intact families), the incidence of psychological problems, suicide, future divorce, anti-social problems etc....go way up for kids of divorce. While the risk is not certain, it is certainly notable and continues to show up in one study after another. It's something that I honestly believe that married people should consider...that 25% might not be that high...but if it's your child...the percentage doesn't matter much.

http://www.hope.edu/academic/psychology/335/webrep2/divorce.html

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p040245.html

A study conducted by Linda J. Pfiffner, Keith McBurnett, and Paul J. Rathouz for the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology indicates that children in homes with absent fathers are more likely to suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder, Child Conduct Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The study further concluded that no "reduction in child antisocial behavior [is] associated with acquiring a stepfather." [Pfiffner, L., McBurnett, K., Rathouz, P. (2001) Father Absence and Familial Antisocial Charecteristics. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. v29 i5 p357. Retrieved from Expanded Academic, ASAP on June 9, 2004.]

A 2002 study by Sun and Li indicated that divorce had serious negative consequences on the psychological well being of children both before and after the divorce and that these negative effects could not be attributed to the pre-divorce conditions within the family. [Sun, Y. & Li, Y. (2002). Children's Well-Being During Parents' Marital Disruption Process: A Pooled Time-Series Analysis. Journal of Marriage & Family, 64 (2), 472-482]

A book by E. Mavis Heatherington indicates that children of divorced parents had roughly double the divorce rate of those from stable families, due in part to "a lower commitment to marital permanence and fewer relationship skills." [Gallagher, M. (2002) Third Thoughts on Divorce. National Review v54 i5 p50. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP.]

"Studies have shown that that children of divorce are far more likely to be delinquent, engage in premarital sex, and bear children out of wedlock during adolescence and young adulthood. A 33-year study published in 1998 in the American Sociological Review revealed that children whose parents divorced in their childhood or adolescence were likely to be afflicted with emotional problems such as depression or anxiety well into their twenties or early thirties." [Maher, B. (2003) Patching Up the American Family. World and I, v18 i1 p56. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP]

"Meta-analyses of studies conducted between 1950 and 1999 indicated that children from divorced homes function more poorly than children from continuously married parents across a variety of domains, including academic achievement, social relations and conduct problems "[Winslow, E. (2004) Preventitive Interventions for Children of Divorce. Psychiatric Times, February 1, 2004 p45. Retrieved June 9, 2004 from Expanded Academic ASAP.]

"Of the two ways to lose a father, death is better. As Robert Emery, surveying the evidence, concludes, "Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems."
Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce, and Children's Adjustment (Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage Publications, 1988), 94. For Emery's summary of the literature comparing divorce and death, see pages 57 and 67. Cited on page60 ofThe Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher

"'The earlier view of divorce as a short-lived crisis understood within the familiar paradigm of crisis theory has given way to a more sober appraisal, accompanied by rising concern that a significant number of children suffer long-term, perhaps permanent detrimental effects from divorce, and that others experience submerged effects that may appear years later.'"
Brian Willats, Breaking Up is Easy To Do, available from Michigan Family Forum, quoting Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D., "The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children: A Review," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, May 1991, p. 358.

"Even after controlling for income, children of unwed mothers are two and a half times more likely to develop conduct disorders than other children."
The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher p. 95, citing Carmen N. Velez, Jim Johnson, and Patricia Cohen, "A Longitudinal Analysis of Selected Risk Factors for Childhood Psychopathology," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 28 (1989): 861-864.

Dr. Deborah Dawson's study found that children from disrupted marriages experience greater risk of injury, asthma, headaches, and speech defects than children from intact families. Her study also found that children living with formerly-married mothers were much more likely to have received professional help for emotional or behavioral problems in the preceding year than children living with both biological parents.
Brian Willats, Breaking Up is Easy To Do, available from Michigan Family Forum, citing Deborah A. Dawson, "Family Structure and Children's Health and Well-being: Data from the National Health Interview Survey on Child Health," Journal of Marriage and the Family, 53, pp. 573-579.

In a study conducted for the National Institute of Mental Health, Dr. Nicholas Zill found that, "18- to 22-year-olds from disrupted families were twice as likely to have poor relationships with their mothers and fathers, to show high levels of emotional distress or problem behavior, [and] to have received psychological help." Zill found the effects of divorce still evident 12 to 22 years after the breakup.
Brian Willats, Breaking Up is Easy To Do, available from Michigan Family Forum. citing Nicholas Zill, Donna Morrison, and Mary Jo Coiro, "Long-term Effects of Parental Divorce on Parent-Child Relationships, Adjustment, and Achievement in Young Adulthood," Journal of Family Psychology, 7:1, p. 96. Cited in Glenn T. Stanton, M.A., The Social Significance of the Traditional Two-Parent Family: The Impact of Its Breakdown on the Lives of Children, Adults, and Societies (Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the Family, 1995), p. 9.

"According to Irma Moilanen and Paula Rantakallio, fatherless children are much more likely to develop psychiatric problems - boys three times as likely, girls four times.
"The Single Parent Family and the Child's Mental Health," Social Science Medicine 27 (1988), 181-6; cited in the Family in America: New Research, October, 1988. Cited in Amneus, The Garbage Generation, page 113

Both teens in single-parent families and teens in stepfamilies are 3 times more likely to have needed psychological help within the past year.
Peter Hill, "Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development," Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 34, no. 1 (1993): 69-99. Cited on page 72 ofThe Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher

Children of divorce had more difficulty in following the commands of the parent than children from families that were intact.
"No-Fault Divorce: Proposed Solutions to a National Tragedy," 1993 Journal of Legal Studies 2, 20, citing Stein, Newcomb, and Bentler, An 8-Year Study of Mulitple Influences on Drug use Consequences, 22 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 1094-1105 (1987).

Dr. Wallerstein, both in her own studies and in a review of similar studies, found that there were significant groups of children who, even six years after the breakup of their parents' marriage, were "impulsive, irritable and socially withdrawn" and tended to be "lonely, unhappy, anxious, and insecure."
Brian Willats, Breaking Up is Easy To Do, available from Michigan Family Forum, citing Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D., "The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children: A Review," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, May 1991, p. 352.

Significantly more child behavioral problems are found in those families that have an unsatisfactory marriage than in those with a happy marriage, but the behavioral problems from the single-parent families are far worse than in unhappily married families.
"No-Fault Divorce: Proposed Solutions to a National Tragedy," 1993 Journal of Legal Studies 2, 22, citing Carolyn Webster-Stratton, The Relationship of Marital Support, Conflict, and Divorce to Parents' Perceptions, Behaviors, and Childhood Conduct Problems, 51 JOURNAL OF MARR. AND THE FAMILY417-430 (1989).

"Research conducted on children whose fathers were away in the military service revealed that...... boys whose fathers were absent during the first year of life, seemed to have had more behavior difficulties that would normally have been expected."
Dr. Lee Salk, What Every Child Would Like His Parents To Know, cited in Doug Spangler, "The Crucial Years for Father and Child," American Baby, June, 1979. Cited in Amneus, The Garbage Generation, page 220

"A number of researchers also found that children of divorce, especially boys, were more aggressive than children whose parents stayed married."
The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher p. 35, citing Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce, and Children's Adjustment (Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage Publication, 1988), 50-54.

A study conducted at the University of Washington divided 117 households into three categories: "maritally distressed", "maritally supported", and "unmarried mothers," and found that children of the families that had marital distress had significantly higher disciplinary problems than children from families that reported a happy marriage, but those children of unmarried mothers had a considerably higher amount of disciplinary problems that those who were from the other two categories.
The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher p. 106, citing Carolyn Webster-Stratton, "The Relationship of Marital Support, Conflict, and Divorce to Parents' Perceptions, Behaviors, and Childhood Conduct Problems," 51 Jnl. of Marriage and the Family, 417-430 (1989).

A study found that "disturbed adolescent functioning" is as common among teens of stepfamilies as in teens of single-parent families, and much more common than in intact families. Thus, it is concluded that remarriage does nothing for the psychological well-being of adolescents.
Furstenberg and Cherlin, Divided Families, 89. Cited on page 72 ofThe Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher

Suicide

Youth Suicide Statistics

Among all possible contributing factors, "only divorce rates were consistently associated with suicide and with homicide rates."
David Lester, "Time-Series Versus Regional Correlates of Rates of Personal Violence," Death Studies (1993): 529-534. Cited on page36 ofThe Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher

Suicide rates for children of divorce are much higher than for children from intact families.
Brian Willats, Breaking Up is Easy To Do, available from Michigan Family Forum, citing Susan Larson and David Larson, M.D., M.S.P.H., "Divorce: A Hazard to Your Health?" Physician, May/June 1990, p. 16, which cites several studies on adolescent suicide.

Death of a parent does not correlate with teen suicide, but family instability or disruption is one of the leading causes of suicide. Perceived rejection by a parent, not merely the loss of a parent, is apparently the relevant factor.
Nelson, Farberow and Litman, Youth Suicide in California: A Comparative Study of Perceived Causes and Interventions, 24 COMM. MENTAL HEALTH J. 31-42 (1988); and John S. Wardarski and Pamela Harris, "Adolescent Suicide: A Review of the Influences and Means for Prevention. 32(6) Social Work 477-484 (1977). Cited in "No-Fault Divorce: Proposed Solutions to a National Tragedy," 1993 Journal of Legal Studies 2, page 18

"Upon surveying 752 families at random, the researchers divided the children into those who had never attempted suicide and those who had done so at least once. The two groups, the found, differed little in age, family income, race, and religion. But those who attempted suicide were more likely to live in non-intact family settings than were the nonattempters. More than half of the attempters lived in households with no more than one biological parent, whereas only about a third of the nonattempters lived in such a setting."
Carmen Noevi Velez and Patricia Cohen, "Suicidal Behavior and Ideation in a Community Sample of Children: Maternal and Youth Reports," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 273 [1988]: 349-356. Cited in Amneus, The Garbage Generation, page 239

And, Lemonman ... not that this will change your opinion ... because your personal experience was pretty sucky ....

You know what happends when someone uses anecdotal evidence in medicine when trying to support their theory .... it is not given equal weight as scientific study based theories.

The fact that your theory is based on anecdotal evidence does not make your personal experience less relevant to you ... but your personal experience (standing alone) cannot be extrapolated into a universal truth.
It just ain't scientific dude!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Just to throw some anecdotal evidence your way though...

I counsel teenagers at an agency that offers free counseling to teens in need (with their parent's permission). I've been there 5 years, and of the approximately 100 families only about a dozen have been from intact families...granted, about 10 or so of these other families were from families with one or both parents gone (dead or in prison) but over 70% of the teens coming to see me for counseling are from divorced families...that speaks a great deal to me.

It helped me want to stay M for the kids...and got us over the initial knee-jerk "I want a divorce" attitude.

Now you know my weakness, whenever I read someone talk about kids I feel a need to chime in...

I wonder how the quality of parenting before, during and after the divorce plays into these statistics.

I would think that parenting skills would be more a contributing factor to depression and delinquency in children than divorce.

Was this taken into consideration or measured in these studies?

I agree that divorce is just devastating for children. I read one study that showed that children from unhappy homes even do considerably better than those from broken homes. And then there is the damning evidence that 70% of violent crimes in the teen male age group are committed by boys from fatherless homes.

I would underscore Pepperband's point about anecdotal evidence. It is simply not legitimate when discussing general trends because one anecdote cancels out the other.

I am from a broken home and my parent's divorce was much more devastating than their daily fighting. I didn't care about my parent's "happiness," I cared about MINE. And what made me happy was being secure and having both parents. I would have much preferred to have my father around and endured the fighting. I could deal with the fighting, I had deep psychological problems from the divorce.

Thanks for posting these excellent studies, star*fish.

weaver,

If you want to dispute the validity of this many studies....that's your perogative, and I feel certain that there are studies that relate parenting skills and adjustment in children....but this sure is alot of evidence to ignore and the researchers just keep adding to it.

As I said....no where am I saying that children can't adjust to all kinds of changes (including divorce)....most of them do (and the ones who do...probably have parents with good skills)...but the percentage of problems is undeniably higher in children of divorce.

I'm not disputing the validity of the studies, nor the truth in them. I'm just wondering what else goes into play.

Divorce is a fact. Teenage pregnancy, delinqency, suicide, drug use... all a fact.

The difference in the children of divorced homes who grow up happy, leading productive lives compared to the children who don't. That is what I am interested in.

weaver,

I do know that Dr. Constance Ahrons wrote a book called the "Good Divorce" where she highlights those things that can help children make better adjustments to divorce. I agree with you that divorce will continue...so the reality is that we need to educate ourselves on how best to help our children so that if any of those studies are right...we do our best to mitigate the risks to our children. Here is just a very short summary of her findings:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Many decisions parents make when they rearrange the family can either make it better or worse for the children— such things as how you tell your kids about the separation, what kind of living and custody arrangements you make for them, how flexible or rigid these arrangements are, how often the kids see their fathers, how they feel about their parents’ dating and new partners, how remarriages are handled, what it feels like to have an “instant” new family. One of the most consistent comments was that how parents relate to each other, both during the marriage and long after, makes the biggest difference of all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The book addresses these things at length....might be a good read for parents dealing with these issues.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother, grandfather and several uncles. Three of my brothers became alcoholics and drug users while still living at home. It was an exercise in hiding emotions, ignoring rages and fights, and never being too visible. Yet I knew both my parents loved me. They gave me and my eight brothers and sisters a warm, comfortable, if slightly unstable, home. I still would not trade it for divorced parents, two places to have to live, scheduled visitations, and alternating holidays. In fact, if we had to spend a significant amount of time with either parent alone I think we would have turned out much worse.

IC says this is where my conflict avoidance comes from. If my parents had divorced, this trait would have been magnified even more.

Every friend I had in high school that came from a broken home ended up in serious trouble, rotten jobs, or rotten marriages themselves. Every single one. Anecdotal maybe, but I can document it with names and addresses.

T

<small>[ November 17, 2004, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Thos ]</small>

Thank you, Star*fish.

As a single mother of a 10 yr old DD who share's joint custody with her dad (four months at each home). I am very much interested in that book, will pick up. I took her to IC when her dad and I had every other week custody arrangement because I could see that she was suffering and not very happy. Now I am wondering if even the four month switch is a good idea. I think maybe we should have stuck to having her in one home and visiting the other, but her dad doesn't agree.

Thos,

I too grew up with an alcoholic dad, and a gambling addict mom. Like you we knew how much they loved us kids. However, I think I would rather have them alive and divorced, instead of dead like they are now. I still think there was a time when my mother could have left my dad, and he might have bottomed out before he died from alcoholism, but maybe not. However that is different than the average marital problems that result in divorce, I know. They left a legacy of strong family and marital commitment, so maybe my mom was right in the way she handled it.
Abuse was never a factor, nor was fighting.