W and I had a big fight on Sat. I was mad about a friend backing out on some plans Fri nite and the fact that w hadn't made any plans with kids for Fri nite after having them Wed & Thurs nites and she was off Fri. <BR>So when she called Sat morning I asked whay she wasn't going to son's football game that day(she didn't know what time and she had to work)I asked about the next week, she can't becuse of the cruise, and the following she would either be working or still on cruise. <BR>I basically intimated she was neglecting her son<BR>She called back 4 hrs later and told me she had had it with meand she was going to fight me for the kids and the house and she wasn't going to pay child support or give me any moeny now for the mortgage.<BR>Needless to say I was a wreck all weekend, especially today when my son got his "first" bible and his mother wasn't there.<BR>So today i decided to proceed with divorce and try to secure some funds so I don't go bankrupt.<BR>Well she called at 10:30 tonite, asked me why I was mad and I told her. <BR>She then told me her and om sre thru, and he's moving out and she is not going on cruise. She said she is going to her mothers or a family friend for those 2 weeks.<BR>She did say she wanted to get the divorce finalized and wanted to do it amicably. But she didn't want to pay all the child support that had been calculated. She said if I tried that she would then seek alimony and fight me for the children.<BR>I happy that she is out of the relationship with om but don't know how long that will last. They do work together and will see each other regularly so I'd imagine they will yo yo back and forth. She did make it clear that she wants no part of me and holds everything that I said in anger against me and she does not trust me. <BR>She also wants us to get rid of our lawyers and use a mediator to come up with a divorce agreement.<BR>I'm really not sure what to do ! I'm pretty sure I don't want her back as she is. She has a lot of problems I feel she needs to work out first before I would take her back. She says she will not give up her job. I still see that as a big hurdle in our marriage. I told her I didn't want to be number 4-5 on her list of importance and she said my ego was the problem and that no woman would make menumber 1 in her life. I want somewhat that would make the family #1.<BR>I guess I will just give it some time and see how this chapter turns out.

RWD,<P>She's odviously been in a bad position to negotiate from, while having the OM in her life, I do hope that this isn't a maneuver to help put her in a better negotiating position.<P>If I were you, I would protect myself, but also not lovebust. Time to B if you are sick of being sick and losing love for her?<P>It may be all good on the other hand. I just don't want you to "unprotect" yourself, because it seems that she is telling this as a reaction to you making a decision. I just hope I am wrong.

RWD<P>It sounds like another milestone in the path your life wil take you. It is neither good nor bad.<P>Remember your wife is confused she is still irrational. Do not get rid of your lawyer you still need to protect you and your family. A mediator can be a good thing. <P>My wife and I are probably getting divorced, but we are using a mediator and lawyers. The mediator was my suggestion and I also insisted that the mediator had credentials as a therapist since my wife and I each thought we were being realistic in our expectations. Well the mediator has helped my wife realise that I am not out to punish her and that she has been unrealistic (it could have been me that was unrealistic). <P>There are still some issues to be sorted out but since meeting with the mediator things have been a lot calmer and civil. Although divorce is not the path I want, it is the most likely, but at least it will be amicable.<P>So I suggest go ahead, get a mediator but with the right credentials, perhaps it will help her see the light. Don't give up and no lovebusting.<BR>

Man, you and I have some real parallels. Infidelity is toxic, it introduces poison into the soul of our wives! I hope for your sake that those toxins work their way out of your W's "system" before it is too late, the divorce is final, and you have moved on. <P>Did you see this coming at all? the affair, her unhappiness, the divorce. I was totally blindsided. I knew we had issues in our marriage - we had gone for counseling at various times to addresss some of those. And I knew those issues were stubborn and lingering, but never did I believe them to be fatal! Until the affair. It was like she took cyanide. <P>The reading I've done would seem to indicate that the "cyanide" doesn't always kill. There is usually an opportunity to save the marriage, but only after the affair ends. Of course, there are no guarantees (I am not getting such an opportunity at this point), but I hope you do.

Hi RWD -<P>So, another twist on this old rollercoaster, huh?<P>I agree with the others.<P>KEEP your attorney and use a counseling mediator if that would make her happy.<P>I think it might be a ploy and just in case - keep steady on your course and don't get any hopes up. and STOP Lovebusting!!!!!!<P>It's interesting that she is done with OM and so soon after telling the kids about Disneyworld!!!! She's not unstable at all now, is she? Wonder what her counselor says about this latest development.<P>Just be careful RWD, Make sure you keep your lawyer informed and are writing down all this stuff.<P>Hugs and Strength to you,<P>Sheba<P>