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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19 |
My wife and I just returned from MB weekend and needless to say it was very difficult.
History:
I am the one who had the affair. It has been about 1 1/2 years exposed. We have been to MC, many marriage confrences, and are spending a lot of time together, at least until this past weekend. My wife did not like some of the answers I had for the emmotional needs test. We have discussed them yet she is still angry. I understand the need for radical honesty, yet when I am radically honest she gets angry with me. This will not stop me from being honest, that is her first need, but I am a little gun shy. I feel like I need to pad the truth so it doest make her angry, that makes me a lier..............please advise.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
Member
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Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
There is a difference between radical honesty and being rude? Could this be part of the problem?
Perhaps it's the manner and tone, or a bad choice of words, rather than the "honesty"?
Just an observation I sense from the tone of your post.
Best wishes,
SD
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,885
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,885 |
I agree with shattered dreams. Maybe it's the tone in your voice. I don't see the need to tell her every little detail either. Being the BS I can tell you that your wife will be angry for a long time. She has every right to be. Don't try to rush her into healing. Be gentle and let her know how much you love her and that you are sorry. I never got those words from my WH and at least if he would have had some remorse I could have maybe dealt with things differently. Every action has a consequence (sp?). Just let her know that you are there for her.....you need to rebuild the trust. That could take a long time but you owe it to her to be there when she needs you most. Hang in there and keep posting.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19 |
Thank you for these words of encouragment. I need them. I understand that this will take a long time. I know that my tone of voice can be harsh at times, somthing I work on at home as well as in my everyday life. These words of honesty, I did not speek, I only circled a prewritten answer. What I understand from you guys is that maybe I am not being sensitive enough? I know I have a long road ahead of me and I understand that I cannot push her. I tell her daily that I love and support her.
Again thank you for responding, I gonna keep on holdn' on.
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