</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mschluter:
<strong> Ok now I know my ww is F****** with me, She came home from the library with a book called "The Proper care and feeding of husbands By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger"

Not sure what this should mean but she is sitting here on the bed next to me reading it. We also spent time tonight with the kids watching a movie.

She made me a cup of coffee and snuggled right up to me. I almost felt like having my dog check the coffee for some kind of poison..LOL

Well I just thought I would give another update... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This may not be her F****** with you but her trying to do her part. Proceed with caution but I think you may be making some headway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you lemon,

I'm just trying not to look into it to much. I know she is still in the fog. she is now on day ten of nc and getting a little better, even with the book she is reading and the way she is acting she still says she is leaving in June. That frustrates me. and then she will say " There is a part of me that wants to save this M " go fugure.....

11-28-04

Well today has been an ok day with the ww. We went out shopping to get the boys there winter coats and then out to get some grocery's for the week. She held my hand in the car and smiled at me a couple times. And I asked her if she has had any contact with OM and she said no not since last Tuesday which would be great if she is telling me the truth.

We talked about emotional needs and looked at the quizes we took and of course at this time her number one emotional need communication and mine is sex. "go Figure" so I made a joke about we can communicate how good I am as we fill my needs and her's. kill two birds with one stone, and I was surprised when she actually started to laugh.

We did have SF last night but she told me she was only doing because it's what I wanted. I told her that she is the one who suggested a night of sexual bliss and to please not turn it on me.

But back to the present. I helped her around the house today with laundry and the kids and we watched a little tv and even read together on the couch.

She asked me if she could read SAA..Any thoughts on letting a ws read this book?

I'm hoping after the kids are in bed we can watch tv and just relax without any R talk or Om talk.

My nightmares about her A still keep me tossing at night and waking up in cold sweats, she holds me and tells me she is sorry for what she has done and then holds me the rest of the night.

she complimented me today as well, and that has been a long time sense she has done this.

I think you are making good headway here my friend. Take the baby steps, they add up in the long run. Keep fighting !!!

Wonderful Michael! Sounds like you had a great day. The more you communicate w/your W, the more she'll feel comfortable opening up to you. Keep up the good work!

Love in Christ,
Y

Yeah we did, And I know...it will be up and down for awhile until the fog truly clears and yes she may break the nc but thats ok it takes time to drop an addiction.

My concern is making those love deposits in her bank.

and learning to really hear what she is saying without taking it so personal and really understanding how she thinks and feels.

Im still curious about the WS reading SAA.

Same here, She really wants to read it. And she say's the book how to feed a husband love has taught her something also..


Should my WS read SAA????????????

Thats a tough question. I guess if you have faith and hope that your WW is in a good place, then have her read it. If you have doubts then she will know your game plan (plan B)

I guess I'm saying only you can decide, IMHO.

I advise against this.

You are not in recovery..and you seek help here.

We do not tip our hand to the enemy.

Right now she is the enemy.

Noodle

Mschluter,

I’m glad to see there is some progress and that things are going better between you and your W. I also see you W makes some effort to fulfill your EN’s and that’s a very positive sign, but I’m still very much concerned about the NC letter… Is your W still unwilling to send it and have you talked to her about it again?

Blessings,
Suzet

Suzet**,

Ok long post but worth it...

As you saw on my other thread, I did send that letter to OM's boss and got a great response from om's boss. He runs a family business and believes in family values and " Has an expectation that all of his employees conduct themselves in a positive manner that reflects his company name "

First off I miss your advice Suzet and I'm glad your back. I will highlight things for you.

1) Sent letter to OM's boss and got positive feedback

2) ww and I have nott alked about nc letter because of LB's

3) last thing she said about nc was " Why should I write a letter when CPS is the one making me stay away "

4) WW is being investigated by Child Protective services.

A) Child abandonment
b) Child neglect
c) Domestic violence in front of a child -- Hit me
d) Through coffee on me in one of her fog states and hit daughter with coffee as well

5) She has not had any contact with OM for almost 12 day's now

6) Kids seem happier with Mom and Dad getting along

7) Her employer now restricts her from getting or making any phone calls unless they know it's me or one of our kids. " all other callers - OM - are told that she cannot recieve personal calls and to please try her at home after 6:00 pm "

8) The above had nothing to do with me. Her employer was told by other employees that ww was spending to much time on phone with another Male, Keep in mind my child attends the daycare my ww works at and her Boss loves my youngest son to death and finds what she is doing disgusting. I have not fed on this because I feel my ww did it to herself. She came home last week ranting I hope your happy now I can't use the phone at work. I calmly approached her and explained to her that I had nothing to do with this and that it was something she had done to herself. I told her " did you not think they would catch on that it was not me you were talking to" FOGGY WS's

9) we had a great Thanksgiving with the kids

10) My wife is reading on her own a book by Dr Laura Schlessinger called "The proper care & feeding of husbands" and I have noticed a change in her attitude.

11) Today when she was taking the kids to school she talked about stopping at the store after she dropped the kids off at school to pick up a few things for her job. I expressed my concern over her not taking one of the kids to keep her from trying to call om from pay phone or from even meeting him there. She got a little upset but seemed to understand and even gave me a kiss goodbye without my asking.

12) She has been more open on the sexual side of things except one night a couple days ago but we worked through it.


Ok well thats the highlights of my two weeks with WW, and of course in the beginning A lot of LB's but I have gotten better, I still need to stop talking about the Om but I feel she still needs to tell me the details that I need for my healing, she tells me what she thinks I need to know.

When does recovery start and Plan A end?

I also think she may be up to something, not sure if I'm just being paranoid, But I still think she may be trying to find a new way to contact Om. I need to also work on not insulting Om so much, it just makes me look worse because she say's Om has never said a bad word about me.

She also claims that she even told Om that they needed to stop having contact and that he told her that she needs to do whats best for her and that he would understand, I doubt it....

IMHO -- I think the ww is waiting and buying time..hoping cps backs off and then she can restart her A without them watching over her.

Oh and the ww really wants to read SAA, She claims she wants to understand my pain, I told her to feel my heart and look into my eye's and that should be plenty..

Well today I almost lost my holding a little. First off let me explain that my wife comes home every day for lunch because she has to get our youngest off the school but and then she has lunch with him at home and then takes him back to the daycare she works at.

Well today she was expecting me to be at work when she came home from lunch and when she finally did get home for lunch it was almost noon. she goes on lunch at 11:30am and it only takes her ten minutes to get home from her job. I think she had contact with Om and i'm not sure how to get her to tell the truth or if there are signs that she was with him.

She claims she was late because one of the girls she works with was late getting back from her lunch so she ended up leaving later then usual, I asked her if Om had been at her job waiting for her and she said NO...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


This is driving me crazy....she is on day 12 of nc if she did not see him today..

I don't want to go back to day 0

Mschluter, thanks for the update. I have read most of your other posts and updates. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>As you saw on my other thread, I did send that letter to OM's boss and got a great response from om's boss. He runs a family business and believes in family values and " Has an expectation that all of his employees conduct themselves in a positive manner that reflects his company name.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Although me and most of the other posters initially advised you against sending those letters, it appears that it was a good thing in the end to send the letter to the boss. I’m glad to hear your boss is so supportive. I think you can rest assure that he will continue to handle this issue with integrity and I think it also helps you to know you have moral support from someone in that position. However, I’m very relieved you have decided not posting that other letter to the neighborhood. That would have definitely be the wrong thing to do and totally overboard! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>last thing she said about nc was " Why should I write a letter when CPS is the one making me stay away "</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMO the most important purpose of a NC-letter is for the FWS to show the BS that the FWS is committed to the spouse and M and willing to end ALL contact with the OM in order to work on the M and start personal and marriage recovery. Your W must understand this action (sending of a NC letter) will be the most important step in showing you (the BS) that she’s really committed to you and NC. The fact that your W is still hesitant to send that letter, shows me she is still in a fog and not really committed to recovery and NC yet… I hope in time (when the fog starts to clear) she will commit herself fully and take this very important step and send the letter.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I also think she may be up to something, not sure if I'm just being paranoid, But I still think she may be trying to find a new way to contact Om.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don’t think this is just paranoia and I think you’re most probably correct on this. Trust your gut feeling. Yes, of course you will have this feelings of uncertainty and fear that your W will contact OM…that’s normal, but your W’s unwillingness to send that letter (refer to paragraph above), are contributing to this fear.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I need to also work on not insulting Om so much, it just makes me look worse because she say's Om has never said a bad word about me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">‘Fog’ speak of your W here… Of course OM doesn’t have anything bad to say about you because you wasn’t the one who interfered in another man’s marriage and tried to stole his W! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But anyway, you are right, it will be better to stop saying bad things about OM. Hopefully in time your W will come to realize those things about OM herself, but remember it might take some time. If you insult OM, your W will continue to defend OM and view him as the ‘good guy’ versus you as the ‘bad guy’. I know this is unfair, but remember, your W's head is still clouded and she's in a fog. Avoid LB’ers and continue with plan A the best you can, but also set boundaries in place and don't allow her to treat you with disrespect.

Another thing: On certain times during withdrawal and 'fog' your W will view you as the 'meanie' who prevent her from having contact with her OM... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I have done the same thing while I was in fog and withdrawal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ), but just know this will also pass. I know this is also very unfair and irrational towards you as the BS, but just be prepared for this and try not taking any disrespectfull judgements from your W during this time too personal...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>When does recovery start and Plan A end?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I’m not sure on this one, but I know marriage recovery can only start after withdrawal has ended (at least the worst symptoms of withdrawal).
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Well today she was expecting me to be at work when she came home from lunch and when she finally did get home for lunch it was almost noon. she goes on lunch at 11:30am and it only takes her ten minutes to get home from her job. I think she had contact with Om and i'm not sure how to get her to tell the truth or if there are signs that she was with him.

She claims she was late because one of the girls she works with was late getting back from her lunch so she ended up leaving later then usual, I asked her if Om had been at her job waiting for her and she said NO...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope your W talks the truth and didn’t had contact with OM. And if she doesn’t tell the truth…I hope this will bug her and that she will get things out in the open and be honest and truthful with you.

Keep us updated,
Suzet

<small>[ November 30, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Suzet,

First off I wish I could figure out how to post quotes off of what you said up above, but anyway.

Your right about her having good day's and bad day's. It seems like she has had more good days then bad day's. were now going on day 14 of no contact with OM and I have noticed a change in her.

Last night I was having a very bad day because of some tapes a buddy dropped off to me. ( Buddy Tapped my home phone and her work phone for me ) and he warned me that I should only listen to the tapes if I felt like I could handle it. On the tapes were about 200 minutes of diffrent conversations ww and OM have had in the past couple weeks prior to her no contact. I made it through the first 15 conversations before I felt so sick that I had to throw up.

I told ww when she got home about the tapes and she begged me not to listen to them and I of course told her I had already listened to some of the first tape. She got very upset and told me "how can can that help us, how is it going to make you feel better about us" and of course I will say it did not help me at all. I told her that maybe if she had told me the truth about everything I would not have felt the need to listen to these tapes. I offered her to sit down and let us listen to them together and she said NO it will only hurt us.

Ok here is where it gets foggy.

Later that night ww tells me that she is not in love with me and never has been. She also tells me that she married me out of being pregnant and that I can't make somebody love somebody else.

She then told me once again that she would be moving out in June after the kids finish school.

We talked a little more about the tapes and then we went and watched tv for a little bit.

When we went to bed I was still a little emtional over some of the things I heard her talking about on the tapes. Like "Telling OM about the sex me and her have" it was like she was trying to get him to be jealous. very strange.

I then looked at her and said, What will it take for us to make this M work, she said nothing because she feels to much damage has been done, Name calling, Affair, Fights, CPS, LB's , and so forth. I tried to tell her that the only way we could get over these things was to make new memories and for her to continue NC with Om.

WW then tells me that I need to stop being an As***** and then maybe It would not push her away so much, it's like she is trying to blame me. I have done my wrong in this M and I do need to make some changes but it's so hard when the person you love has hurt you so much and she just can't or won't comprehend this.

Well to make even a longer story short, We talked about how I miss her initiating sex and she told me she finds it hard because of her lack of feelings for me, she claims that when we have sex, she loves how I make her feel and that I always take care of her needs, She even made me laugh because she said OM never made her feel like I do and never has made her have an O ... Not sure if thats true or not but she looked me right in the eyes and told me it was the truth. She then opened up a little and said that the two times she had sex with om was her filling his sexual needs not her's.

Well we ended the night making love and her telling me how good I take care of her, she then said that she will do her best to make the M work and that I need to stop being such a jerk and just go with the flow, she also said in time she will tell me everything I want to know but that she is just not ready right now.

What messes me up is her constant back and forth about us, One day she is moving out and telling me how much she does not love me and the next hour she is saying that I need to make some changes and that it's me that is pushing her away. Like I said I do need to make changes.

In the book SAA it say's that a great marriage has total commitment on all aspects, even the little things like talking about buying simple things, should be discussed with your spouse to make them feel like a part of it and it shows openness and no secrets, when I mentioned this to her she was like " You don't come to me when your going to buy a pack of ciggerettes so why should I come and ask you if I can buy a new Candle. I tried telling her that it was not about approval it's about sharring. Since her affair we have both opened seperate checking and savings accounts, She pays a couple of the bills while my check takes care of the bigger bills and other things we need. I don't know how to make her understand that I do respect the money she brings in.

Well I know, once again a very long post.......

Update --- 9:13 am

WW just left for work and I had a very bad dream last night about her and OM ( dreams have been getting worse ) my dream was me walking in on her and Om and she was in a pair of white panties with lace and it was during the day. So I woke up in a bad mood and still feeling the effects of my dream, And I freaked when I saw her getting ready for work and putting on a PAir of white lace panties...I know this was so freaking stupid and petty..it turned out we had a slight tiff and she reminded me that it was things like this that were pushing her away, she actually got so mad she ripped up the panties. By the time she lefty the house she gave me a hug and kiss but I could tell she was doing it because of the kids looking on....

I have so much work to do on myself, and no idea where to even begin......

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


I just can't get the ww to understand my feelings. she takes everything I say as an attack on her individuality, She say's she needs to be her own person and have her own hobbies, SH say's a married couple should do everything together, I even talked to her about scheduling 20 hrs a week together and she gripes that there is just not enough time in the day for that...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


Why can't I get through to her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your right about her having good day's and bad day's. It seems like she has had more good days then bad day's. were now going on day 14 of no contact with OM and I have noticed a change in her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is great. Means God is working here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Last night I was having a very bad day because of some tapes a buddy dropped off to me. ( Buddy Tapped my home phone and her work phone for me ) and he warned me that I should only listen to the tapes if I felt like I could handle it. On the tapes were about 200 minutes of diffrent conversations ww and OM have had in the past couple weeks prior to her no contact. I made it through the first 15 conversations before I felt so sick that I had to throw up.

I told ww when she got home about the tapes and she begged me not to listen to them and I of course told her I had already listened to some of the first tape. She got very upset and told me "how can can that help us, how is it going to make you feel better about us" and of course I will say it did not help me at all. I told her that maybe if she had told me the truth about everything I would not have felt the need to listen to these tapes. I offered her to sit down and let us listen to them together and she said NO it will only hurt us.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How does this help you, Michael? What purpose did your "buddy" have for giving those tapes to you? Put you through more turmoil? There is a reason why you never heard those conversations b4. God was trying to spare you from feeling worse. The reason your W doesn't want you to hear them is b/c she doesn't want you to hear all the lies she probably told or anything about her 'secret' life right now. Your W will reveal this info to you later. She isn't ready to reveal that info yet. Having it come from a third party will hurt you in the long run I think. Think about this, Michael. You have to be the one that your W CAN trust. Coming to her w/gossip from someone else or coming at her w/things you've heard will only drive her farther away. She will feel attacked. She needs to feel "safe" w/you. That she is able to tell you things w/o you attacking her. She needs to be able to feel that it's ok to talk to you. How can she do this when you're coming to her with, "And another thing", "Well I heard that...", "How come you didn't tell me about THIS?" She does not feel safe w/you. YOU are the one that needs to provide a safe environment for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Later that night ww tells me that she is not in love with me and never has been. She also tells me that she married me out of being pregnant and that I can't make somebody love somebody else.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't take too much stock in what she says right now. I'm sure is still very foggy & is rewriting your history together as someone else mentioned to you. This will pass in time, but you have to be patient.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She then told me once again that she would be moving out in June after the kids finish school.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't put too much stock in this, either. How many times has she put off leaving? Trust God, He is keeping her around for a reason. Some other obstacle comes in her way so she can't leave. This is God working, so trust Him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> then looked at her and said, What will it take for us to make this M work, she said nothing because she feels to much damage has been done, Name calling, Affair, Fights, CPS, LB's , and so forth. I tried to tell her that the only way we could get over these things was to make new memories and for her to continue NC with Om.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you guilty of this? Be honest. Do you call her names? Do you pick fights w/her b/c of your anger? Have you stopped LBing? These are things under YOUR control. Do something about those from YOUR end. This will enable your W to feel safe w/you & want to open up to you. Another question -- how can you make new memories, good ones, w/those types of LBs? She doesn't see her life w/you any better than what she thought it was. You have to provide good memories that will LAST for her. She needs to feel that you will forgive her & not bring this up to her all the time. She will feel as if she is unforgiven & continue to slip away from you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have done my wrong in this M and I do need to make some changes but it's so hard when the person you love has hurt you so much and she just can't or won't comprehend this.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I'm hearing from you is that you are having trouble changing b/c you are still very focused on what your W needs to change. Michael, you cannot control her actions, only YOURS. Concentrate on what YOU need to do to improve YOURSELF. Your W will change once she sees these changes in YOU.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well we ended the night making love and her telling me how good I take care of her, she then said that she will do her best to make the M work and that I need to stop being such a jerk and just go with the flow, she also said in time she will tell me everything I want to know but that she is just not ready right now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to her, Michael. These are all good signs. She's telling you what she needs, listen to her. You'll see even bigger changes in her if you can take the focus off of her right now & concentrate on YOUR listening skills & communication to her.

As far as the $ thing, my H had a hard time w/the fact that his whole paycheck went to me. He felt he never had any $ for him to enjoy & he was the one who worked for it. So, while we were separated, he had gotten his own checking acct & I had my own. We still had our joint checking acct. So when he moved back home, we agreed that $ for bills went in the joint & what was left from each of our checks, we each could do what we wanted with. Didn't matter who had more $, if you ran out of your own $, that was your own fault type of thing. We POJA'd on this though. Maybe you two can come up w/something? Try to discuss this w/her. And really listen to her input.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WW just left for work and I had a very bad dream last night about her and OM ( dreams have been getting worse ) my dream was me walking in on her and Om and she was in a pair of white panties with lace and it was during the day. So I woke up in a bad mood and still feeling the effects of my dream, And I freaked when I saw her getting ready for work and putting on a PAir of white lace panties...I know this was so freaking stupid and petty..it turned out we had a slight tiff and she reminded me that it was things like this that were pushing her away, she actually got so mad she ripped up the panties. By the time she lefty the house she gave me a hug and kiss but I could tell she was doing it because of the kids looking on....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, the next time something like this occurs, please try to tell her lovingly, "Man, I had this weird dream." "What?" "I dreamed that you were wearing lacy panties just like the ones you're wearing now except you wore them for the OM. Would you mind taking them off today?" She might respond w/understanding instead of anger. There is a way to approach everything, Michael & I'm glad you realized this wasn't the best way to deal w/it.

You said that you don't even know where to begin. Maybe this can help some & show you what path you need to take. I personally think that you should try listening skills & communication skills first, so your W can start to feel safe w/you & start to be more open w/you.

Keep your chin up. We're all here to help you. Hugs coming your way,

Love in Christ,
Y

StandingTogether,

Thank you for all of your help and your advice. I don't know if you use any type of messenger but I use Yahoo and aim. I would love for you to help me with my communication and listening skills. Maybe we could set up a time for us to talk on yahoo or aim. I really want to be able to communicate with my wife and to really be able to listen to her without my own emotions getting in the way like they do..

Please help me...

M,

Glad I can help. At least, I hope I'm helping. I think yours & my situations are a little similar, although my H did move out & I had time to work on me while he was away. He liked the new me & decided to move back in & try it one more time. But at first, he was extremely hesitant, afraid of same old, same old. After quite a few months, he finally realized, like lightning if you will, that he indeed loved me. That's when all the guilt set in & he w/drew into himself. By this time, I was so recovered for MYSELF, that I was able to help him recover HIM. Make sense?

He even slept on the couch for a month b4 coming to bed w/me & even then, it was b/c he was cold & wanted to sleep in a warm bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Like I said, you & your W can make it. You just have to trust God enough to know that He will not allow you to go through any of this w/o coming out a stronger, better man. He only has what's best for you in mind. Trust that. It's hard to trust, but do it anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And, as graycloud has said on your other thread, you have to have A LOT of patience. This is a marathon so you need to pace yourself. One day at a time. Baby steps. Tackle one thing b4 heading to another. You will learn this too.

Feel free to i/m me or e-mail me anytime. I've been very concerned for you so I check the board often lately & try to get online as soon as I come home (to unwind after a hard day of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) & then after dinner while I'm waiting for H to get home from work. After 11:30 est, I'm usually spending time w/H & then have to get to bed.

Thinking of you,
Y

<small>[ December 01, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: StandingTogether ]</small>

Thank you standing together,

My doc wants to put me on paxil 20mgs, worried about the amount of weight i'm losing and the lack of sleep..