Standing, I added you to my buddy list on yahoo

Okay, let me edit my post to take that info off there.

Love in Christ,
Y

StandingTogether,

Been looking for you on Yahoo and Aim. Shoot me a post when you think you'll be on and I'll make sure I'm there.

I read your post on your other thread - Emergency. Been concerned for you. I'll be on yahoo after work today about 7:30. I'm really worried about you, Michael. I'll post to you on your other thread too, but right now I'm at work (on lunch) & I have to get back to my work in a few minutes. Just wanted to respond to you that I saw this post & I'll be in contact w/you later.

Keep your chin up! Remember, suicide is NEVER an option & the reason your daughter called for you was b/c God was trying to stop you b4 you made a terrible mistake! We don't want to lose you, neither does your W (no matter what you may think)!

Hugs to you,
Y

Thank you, I will leave my Yahoo on, I'm off to take a nice hot bath and take a couple of my pain killers, I will be around, wife just had a good 20 minutes of sttacking me verball about how much she hates me and does not love me or will ever want this marriage, just not sure if it's fog talk or real talk. she is always telling me I don't know how she feels...


Hopefully I'll get through the night.

Update

12-13-04

WW admits to having contact with Om 11 days ago after I confront her with proof from a tape a PI buddy of mine had of her. She say's she is sorry and that it will not happen again.

I of course told her i'm proud of her going 11 day's but in all honesty I'm not. I feel so betrayed yet again, I just don't know what to do to convince this woman that she can lose her kids because she was warned by cps not to have contact with OM.

How hard can this be when the state orders you to have no contact.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I want to be there for her, and give her the support she needs but how when all the ww does is lie, Is it my right to know all of the truth and not just when she feels like it. when does it become about speaking the truth.

I love this woman to death otherwise I would not be here fighting for my marriage. I have to stop the LB's at all cost's and start doing things that will let her see me for the great guy I once was and can be.

Michael,

Why aren't you proud of her for going that long w/NC? 11 days for someone who is in a deep withdrawal is commendable. Think of an alcoholic going 11 days cold turkey w/o touching the bottle or the drug addict going 11 days cold turkey w/o getting that high? It's hard, especially when you feel no one is supporting you. This might be where your W's at right now.

You cannot do ANYTHING to convince your W. She has to learn it for herself. If she is caught by CPS of having contact w/the OM, she will be punished by them. Those are the consequences she will have to face b/c of HER actions. There is nothing you can do about HER choices.

You say all she does is lie. Has she lied about other things besides having contact w/the OM? If not, then she is trying to be truthful w/you. You can appreciate her honesty in the other areas. It's very hard to tell someone that you know loves you that you don't love them in return. My H did it to me & felt horrible when he saw my pain (this was when he first came home). Let me ask you this -- would you rather have her tell you, yes, I'm 100% committed to this M & then find out later that she's not? Or would you rather have her be honest & let you know that she's not 100% committed right now? Sometimes, although painful, we have to be able to hear things we don't want to hear. The best thing we can do is thank them for their honesty & try to keep improving ourselves.

Love in Christ,
Y

StandingTogether,

I would love to be proud of the fact she has gone 11 day's and I would love to know she is being honest, But the fact is she lied, it was not until I confronted her that she admitted it. So how is that her being honest.

Yeah well it's hard to be proud of someone who tells the Om that she has to stay clear of him until the cps investigation is over, Now how do I compete with that.

I will do everything I can to be a better person but it seems she is only buying time until cps leaves her alone and then she can restart her EA with OM by calling him.

She told me tonight she likes to talk to him on the phone,

So where do I set the boundries on this one, where does Plan B come into play.

She knows she can do this and all i'm ever going to say is that it hurts me and she behaves for a few days and then calls Om again.

Well,

I gave the WW my blessing to go spend the night with the Om and she is so happy. I hope she does go, maybe it will give me some peace and quiet around here and I'll actaully be able to eat and spend some time with the kids and watch a good movie.

Sounds like you're having a "give up" kind of attitude today, Michael. "Who cares" kind of thing. I say this -- if you need to do that to put yourself in a healthy state of mind right now, do it. Where u were at b4 was very unhealthy. I say -- good 4 u! Concentrate on your kids & watch that movie. Enjoy them, Michael. They love you & support you too! They need you & I really believe that you need them more than anything right now.

Are you telling me that you're giving up on your M or just backing way off so you're not as hurt by her actions? Sounds like you're just backing off so you're not as hurt. I think, in my very humble opinion, that that is your best option at this point. You can still be loving towards her when you can, but this way you can detach yourself a little bit & concentrate on improving yourself & getting a great R w/your kids.

Hugs coming your way,
Y

I think it is good to detach a little. The affair won't last, and your wife will be back. But you have to protect yourself from her right now. Otherwise you could lose your love for her.

There is much I still need to learn while working Plan A. I need to be a more loving husband and friend while the ww is going through her withdrawals.

I need to start seeing her a different person until she gets better.

Last night after she let some steam out, we sat down and talked. I told her that we needed to be more civil with each other if not for us then at least for the children. I asked her why she did not go and see Om when I gave her my blessing, Her response was: It would not have been helpful for me and us. I must say that her answer surprised me. She also said sorry for all of the hurtful things she has been saying to me. I also told her I was sorry for things I have said in the heat of the moment.

She briefly went into fog land and told me that she wished she still loved me and that she hopes we can build a friendship out of the ashes of what she has done. She told me that she has no intentions of contacting OM anymore, She told me that while I was gone she was tempted to call him but she did not, she told me she could have called him from work the other day but she chose not to.

She asked me if I would ever forgive her and I told her only with honesty will trust arise between us again.

We sat on the couch and talked until about 2:30 am and then she took me upstairs to have SF, afterwards we talked more about her being honest with me. WW told me that she is afraid to be honest because of the hurt it will cause me and she feels it will only deepen the wound that is already there, she told me " how are the details of her A going to help heal me" I told her it's about uncovering the lies that led to the secrecy of her A. She then told me everything, I will try to remember every detail of what she said and put it below for you to help me understand her words.


Michael, we were not in the best of situations and I had already been thinking about leaving you because of your inability to hold a job, I was tired of never seeing you even when you were home, it seemed like the only time you ever talked to me was when you wanted SF. You never had anything good to say to me, and I felt like when you did talk to me, that I was being talked to like one of the children. Then the day came in May when I ran into Om at the store and he gave me his phone number, I did not call him right away but when I did it was only talking on the phone for the first six weeks, it was later that I started telling you I was at the tanning salon but was really meeting him at his home for coffee, even if it was only for a half hour, There was one time I met him at his home and we sat in his car because his dad was there, while in the car we started talking about old times together and before I realized what I was doing, I was performing oral on him, I’m sorry for hurting you with this but if you want the details then I will be honest. During the next few months I met him at his home on my lunch while you thought I was with our son at work ( this was during the Summer ) I performed oral on him twice more during this time because he had not been with anyone in a few yrs and I felt it would make him like me more. Then the first time we had intercourse was the time I walked out on you with the kids and went to my dads, I drove back to Rochester and spent five hours with Om where we had intercourse for the first time. Most of our relationship was just talking on the phone. It was then six weeks ago that I walked out on you and the kids and spent the night at OM’s we tried having intercourse but I could not enjoy it or put my mind into for fear of you showing up. Since that day I only have talked with Om on the phone except for the day after when he brought me my clothes from the night I went there. I swear, I have only performed oral on him three times and had intercourse twice. I t has been at least 6 weeks since I saw Om, We have been talking on the phone but the last time was 12 day’s ago and that’s the truth. And if it’s ok with you I would like to stop talking about this now.


Well as you can see, She had a few moments in there when she was very honest, The funny thing is everything she told me I already new from my buddy the PI. It just felt good to hear her tell me on her own terms. I know she is still in the fog. She also told me that OM is not better then me sexually it’s just that she enjoys filling his needs because of how she feels about him, She tells me she is not in Love with him but that she has strong feelings for him, she then told me how she has always had these feelings for Om even before we met and got married. I can’t say I’m 100% sold on saving my M to the ww , I just want her to end the A and then through the next six months of building a new friendship through EN’s then maybe she will want to really work on the M and will end up staying…

I would love to hear what some of you have to say about all of this.