Hi. I could use a bit of advice here. It's been a while since I posted. D-Day of WH's PA was about two months ago. We are trying to recover and have initiated MC at my WH's request.

Bit of background before I explain my question.

My WH is a city official so everything he does at work is public as he is in government.
Yesterday our city's local newspaper editor received an anonymous letter in the mail from someone posing as a former citizen of our town.

The letter called my WH a snake, said that he has had four affairs with different women across the country over this summer, that he beats me and our children, and that he is immoral and needs to be removed from his position.

All of the above is false with the exception of the affair with OW (who was one of the "four" listed). WH knows newspaper editor well and she assumed it was all made up because someone doesn't like him. The letter was not printed in the paper and we now have it in our possession.

We are certain the OW wrote the letter in an effort to try to expose the affair to the public and cost my WH his job. I am nervous as to what else she may attempt.

Granted, she lives in another state and has limited financial resources; however, this has given me insight into what a vindictive person she is. I don't want my marriage or home life turned upside down anymore than it has been by that b****.

Should we ignore the letter and go on with trying to rebuild? Should we confront OW about it?

Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.

jayla

ARGH! It's amazing how self rightous some people get when their sin doesn't work out the way they planned.

No advice, just hugs ((((JAYLA))))

- Kimmy

Good news, bad news.

I recommend you ignore her.

Good news: The fact she's doing this can reinforce to your H that she's a bad habit and should NEVER be contacted again. This should also reinforce to him not to have another affair.

Bad news: She may succeed eventually in exposing your H to the public. Nothing you can do about this - it's one of the costs your H has to bear.

Unfortunately, in this day and age...it's not easy to control these kind of things. All this person has to do, for instance, is find an Internet message board to post the allegations on. Or she could set up her own web site(assuming it's her.) She could keep trying until she finds an editor less ethical than the one you dealt with. She could hang up fliers. She could show up at a public forum.

My advice to you, if you are concerned that this really is a significant threat and not a crackpot, is to hire a professional PR person to manage this situation.

Alternatively, your husband could simply come clean. Blackmail and rumors lose all of their power once the truth is revealed.

I would consult an attorney and see what your legal rights are. She is free to tell everyone about the A she had with your FWH, that is the truth. But she is not free to spread lies, this is slander and illegal. Your attorney can write her a letter threatening legal action if she persists and you can always file a civil suit if necessary.

Thanks for the replies and the advice. It probably would be best to ignore her and maybe this will be just a one time incident.

My H was feeling very bad yesterday after he showed me the letter, as well he should I guess. He said that he still doesn't feel like I have forgiven him for the A and that he hasn't forgiven himself either. He did say he realized that she is delusional and selfish. Hopefully that will keep him away from her for good if he hadn't already planned to do so.

I guess there is not much else to do but ride this thing out and hopefully nothing else will happen. If it does, like you all said, he will need to deal with it. I would never wish for him to lose his job over this though, no matter how angry I was at him for the A.

jayla

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: jayla ]</small>