Hi there

my h and i had a heart to heart this afternoon. We had an extended lunch and had our talk. I poured out my heart to him and told him that i am ready to walk away if he tells me that he does not want me anymore but i am not going to walk away without first knowing that i did everything in my power to make it work.

If you read my post of a couple weeks ago you will know that i lashed out at him physically for the first time. He is now saying that it is up to me if i want to stay in the relationship but that he would not accept me lashing out at him or embarrassing him.

I know that what i did was inexcusable but he still will not admit to all that he has done to cause the deterioration of our relasionship. He admits to the A but claims that he is no longer in it and that if i were to look closely i would see that. As to his avoiding me, he claims that it is because of my recent attack towards him.

Anyway i have decided that i am going to do a plan a which in all honesty i have not been doing a good one of and see where we go from here.

If anyone has any tips or ideas as well about a good anger management book, course etc i would be most greatfull.

Sindy

Hi Sindy,

It sounds as if you had a good conversation and got to some truths with H. It also sounds as if you are taking responsibility for your actions. That is good. When I look back at my behavior leading up to A, I see that I behaved badly, but did not know how to stop. It sounds as if you have the same recognition.

To gain further insight...it sounds as if things build up and then you exposed. Is that what you feel? Perhaps you can spend some time retracing the incidents and find out what it is that leads to the situation. Is there something H says that triggers the explosion? Are you holding things in before you finally burst? Is there a way to keep the conversation from escalating? Can you catch yourself and call a time out for a cooling off period and then come back?

I don't have book recommendations, but I just wanted to send my support for your breakthru today. H gave you info about a love buster that withdraws his love and you are trying to work on it. Good for you. Keep working on it.

{{{{{{{{{Sindy}}}}}}}}}}}}

ss

Hi SS

thanks for your reply, by the way thos post got posted twice.

I get angry, really angry when i am tlaking to him about someting that really bothers me and he acts like it means nothing like my feelings don't matter.

I know that i need to get my anger under control though.

Sindy