Hi all I haven't posted here for a while, have been over in divorcing/divorced section.

About 4 weeks ago I asked WS to move out and she complied. The A had been ongoing for 5-6 months and i wasn't able to continue down that path any longer. I had also decided that enough was enough and I wanted out of the M (fundementally still do, I think). At the same time the OP dumped her as a result of exposure and the OP's spouse also gave her a really good dressing down.

She was so depressed and lonely that I broke my vow of NC because I was so concerned for her emotional state.

The end result is that I have been supporting her emotionally for the whole time and have been happy to do so. I still think she is basically a good but somewhat confused lady. I have been helping her shop for things for her new appartment, moved most of her stuff out for her etc? All the physical work is fine as I enjoy it, but the emotional stuff is starting to wear me down.

I am fine whilst there is no talk of Reconcilliation (R), but when she starts to make noises about R it raises my "ire" and caused me to LB her for the first time in ages. How can she talk of R when she still won't come clean about everything, even though she is aware that I already know most of it? Doh!!!

As far as I can tell she is still very self centred, caught up inself pity and whilst she talks of her understanding the impact of the A on me, she seems to focus on her grief / pain 99.99% of the time.

Any MB veterans that have been here and successfully navigated this emotional mine field? I would like you to be brutally honest about wether I am making the situation better or worse for myself by helping her / continuing with my actions?

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: RenaissanceMan ]</small>

Hi RM,

Good to see you post. In answer to your question....you can stop supporting WS right now. When you went to Plan B, that was a very good decision because you said that you are important. It was tough for me to let go of my concern for my H, both financially and emotionally....but I did in Plan B #1 and #2. You are under no obligation to support her in in way. WS is an adult and should experience the consequence of her actions.

Don't worry about LB'ing...we all have lapses now and again. I remember you are thinking of going completely dark after you helped her set up so you could heal. Are you still thinking of that? It sounds like a good idea to me and I know your encouragement helped me to have the mental toughness to go dark. Hope you will give this some thought.

Take care, RM. Keep posting.

SS- Yes I am going to turn into a black hole / the invisible man very shortly. We are at crucial stage legally as well and I don't make it spiteful right now. Also worried about her state of mind / wellbeing.
I am walking on a knife edge / minefield at present... Thank you, it always helps to get some perspective ;-)

Regards R-Man

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: RenaissanceMan ]</small>