Okay heres the story my dad had an affair with my best friend (shes 28) and i am 15 the affair started when i was 14....he told me about it and i told him it was alright because i loved him so much i told him i would keep it from my mom....i kept it for 6 monthes. I finally told my mom and she was heart broken i know i hurt her but my dad hurt me he betrayed me and i betrayed my mom and i am depressed and i cant even be around my friends without crying...this guy asked me out the other day and i had a panic attack and i ran off..i cant trust guys....my mom has a heart problem and needs a heart transplant...there is so much going on in my life...we moved away from the place i adored...PLEASE HELP ME!! look here i am crying as i type this...ohh how it hurts....

I am sorry for you. Your mom has posted here correct? This story sounds familiar. First off why do you have a best friend so much older then you? That sends up a red flag- like she was maybe using you to get to him? Not trying to make matters worse, just the first thing that came to mind.

I am sorry that your dad used you and you felt you had to keep this secret- what a horrible thing for such a young person to have to deal with. You are right, you will have a hard time trusting men. Your dad should be ashamed of himself and his behavior.

You are seeing a counselor correct?
What are you and your mom doing to get through this together? What does your father think of what he has done, and has he ended with this other person?
Sorry no real advice yet..

Yes my mom has post on here but i need advice for myself...yes i am seeing a counselor...and yea i should have thought that she was using me cause she was....My dad thinks he has done nothing wrong i dunno why he is so stupid!!! My couselor isnt helping much but just saying that i need to get on anti depressents!!

try to find a new counselor that you feel comfortable talking with, A/D's might be okay for a while, but if you feel you do not need them, then hold off.

Do you have any friends you can talk too?

What are you hoping to gain here. How can I help you? Do you have any direct questions you are looking to get answered?

I replied to your post to me on Paranoid or denial- you should read that too.

rachel,
first things first.
THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

Your Dad... asked you to carry an adult burden. As a 15 year old, you have no reason to doubt him.

Talk about your feelings. Sometimes it helps to remember that your parents...are people. Plain old ordinary people, they don't live on other planets, they screw up too. And your dad went a little over the top.

Be upset over the actions, not the people. You did nothing wrong.

People screw up. All people.

This is going to take you some time, but I have complete faith you'll work through this.

Thank you for posting, I know this much be difficult for you.

This is not YOUR FAULT!!

This pain was caused by your Dad and your "friend's".

The turmoil and pain that your Mom and Dad are going through is their's, you did not cause it. You HELPED your mom by telling her.

The fact your Dad made you a partner in this by telling you, is completely unfair.

What can you do to help yourself feel better?

I write poem i am a poet everyone is trying to get me to publish my work my poems are like this::
The tears sting my eyes
I bow my head low
I see ur pain
I reach to grab it
but its to far away
I put my hands over my face
I pray to u
Please forgive me
My sorrows strong
But urs is stronger
But never again
Will i be so naive

I'm sure this is very hard for you right now.
There's not a lot I can say right now that will help, except to also say that this is definitely not your fault. The place your father put you, right between your dad and mom was wrong.
People have faults, we all make mistakes in life, sometimes a small mistake, sometimes a very big mistake. What matter is how we handle them, how we 'fix' them, and what we learn from them.
Your dad is no different. I'm sure you have a lot of anger towards him, and I'm sure he probably deserves that anger right now.
Try your best not to hold your feelings in all the time during this.
Stay close to your mom. You both need each other right now.
I don't know how good your relationship with your mother is, but it does sound like you love her very much. You can BOTH help each other in dealing with this.

Oh, sweetie, I feel so bad for you and what you are feeling.

Listen, I know everyone else has said it, but let me say it too - this is NOT, NOT, NOT in any way shape or form your fault. Maybe the more you "hear" it, the more you will believe it.

You were used. That doesn't feel too great either, I know. But it isn't your fault. Even the fact that your friend is so much older.... to those of us that have been around a while, it seems suspicious. Being older, we know that it's unlikely someone that age would want to be best friends with someone your age. But at your age... well, it's very flattering (and probably seems somewhat glamorous) to have someone that much older want to be friends. At your age, people tend to be more trusting, and flattered enough that it wouldn't even occur to you that your friend might have other motives.

And your father... let me stress this.... you didn't betray your mother - your father did, and he used you in the process. That doesn't mean you can't forgive him eventually and get past it. But you do need to put the blame where the blame belongs. Children are generally raised to obey and respect their parents. That's not a bad thing either, but it is such a powerful thing that when the parent wants you to do something, even if you know its wrong, it is very difficult to go against that parent.

In fact, I'm very impressed with you that you were able to finally have the courage to tell. It did take a lot of courage, I'm sure. I have no doubt you felt (and maybe still feel) like you were betraying your dad. You weren't - you did the right thing. But I know it took a lot of courage to do,

Keep seeing a counselor, though I agree, if it's possible you should try to find a new one you are more comfortable with. And as far as not trusting guys - it will be tough, but keep working on it, it will come. In the meantime, I know it probably isn't exactly the answer you would want, but you're young, and there's no hurry. With so much going on in your life right now, I don't know that the stress of dating and possibly a boyfriend would be that good for you anyway. Yes, it can be fun under normal circumstances, but in your case, I'm a little concerned it might make things worse.

Next time, if you feel a little calmer, maybe you could suggest going out in a group instead of a one-on-one situation. If need be, use your mom as an excuse...that she only lets you do group dates. I'm sure she won't mind, and would probably be more comfortable with that anyway. And there's a lot less pressure on you that way.

But the two most important things right now - take care of yourself, and keep telling yourself this is NOT your fault, and be there for your mom, she needs you.

In fact, I wonder... have you talked much with her about this? If so, how did it go? And if you haven't, how would you feel about trying to talk with her about it? Not about your dad necessarily, but about how you feel - the depression, feeling you betrayed her, stuff like that.

Just remember, you didn't do anything wrong here. This is a tough enough time in your life without carrying that burden too.

You are a very brave girl. Hang in there! Hard to be worried about your mom and have dad do that. Sounds lonely. You've done nothing wrong. Your father betrayed you and your mother. Teenagers may look grown up but they aren't. Every experience is new to you. You don't have much to cushion you. That's why true adults protect and help kids out. Big hugs to you. I hope my teenager doesn't feel this way.

Personally, I'd stay away from the meds. (Just me) Do physical things. Talk with us. Try to find a teen support group. Keep writing poetry. It's a great release. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You did the right thing. He created this mess and was WRONG to bring you into it. You had to tell your mother-no choice. Your dad sounds like he is in the fog...not thinking straight. The 28 year old used you, she is NOT a friend.

I understand how you feel, my dad cheated on my mom so many times and several times I knew and she didn't. He used to take me to "hang out with his OW"-sick. He wasn't thinking. I also spoke frankly with him and my mother. There was nothing else you could do and you did the best thing, the only thing that will HELP their marriage in the long run, exposure.

Rachel,

I love that poem! It is really, really good. I am a big lover of poetry and yours truly is good.

You keep writing. Use your pain and your gift for poetry to create and to channel your feelings.

I assume you have a journal that you carry with you to jot down your thoughts, right?

You see my sig line? You too can make a parachute out of everything broken.

P.S.
Print this thread so your poem has the date you shared it on this public forum, in case someone else trys to steal it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />