i posted this in the wrong catagory so ill try this again
im a new member but i have been a religious visitor for the last 6 weeks. me and my w have been seperated for 7 weeks, we have been married almost 10 years and have 2 kids 4yr boy and 2yr girl. my wife works out of town alot. on several occasions ive called her hotel and she isnt there, and she always has a "good story" and gets upset that i have the nerve to question her. for instance in august i called the room and her cell until 5 am with no luck. she called the next morning and i was not happy to say the least she said that some kids prank called her and she unplugged the phone and her cell had fallen under the seat of the car. i understand that i have problems, and i am working on fixing them. she swore to me that she would never be with anyone else and has nothing to hide. then at the end of september she was out of town again and i was paying the bills and came to her cell phone bill and she had marked my name out and written "please remove 2nd request" so i called her and confronted her and i threatened to leave and she said we would talk when she got home. when she got home she said she was "done" i begged, pleaded, screamed etc. she said get out and here i am. i sleep at my office and shower, eat, etc at home. i want desperately to work this out and tried to talk to her about it and she is completely emotionless. i found out why a week after we split. this # kept showing up on caller id so i called it and it was a man, i confronted her and she said this is why she is "done" because i think every guy she talks to is trying to have sex with her. they were talking 2-3 times a day, that i know of, even while im at the house. i picked up the phone to make a call and heard them ending a conversation in i love yous. again i confronted her and recieved another "good story" which i didnt believe so i bought a phone recorder and recorded their call and i learned the truth , they were having phone sex and talking about the trip they are on now, which she left 3 days early so they could "hang out".i begged her not to go up there early, tried to reason with her. he also is married and has 3 kids. i have asked her to end it, explained the consequences and nothing phases her, i also did a check on the internet and found his home number and told her that i had it and she responded with congratulations and left, i read the mb forum and it seemed the only option i had was to reveal it to his wife so i did. she was a very nice lady and was very grateful. she also had suspected it. she confronted him and he admited that they had an emotional relationship and they both denie anything sexual has happened the ow also informed me that my wife told him that i beat her, i have had some screaming fits over this but have never laid a hand on her.
i cant believe this is going on with my w. she was always a very straight laced church girl and now this. i want very much to keep my family together. i thought by telling the ow that it would end the a, which according to the ow it has, giving us a chance to reconcile, but it seems to have made it worse. i have been very nice, polite and non confrontational,trying to go with plan a but she is like an ice cube. what if anything can i do to improve my situation?

ok, here is what you do. You GO HOME NOW. You do not leave your family or it is viewed as abandonment in most states. She is the one having the affair so she is the one who should move. By leaving, you are just setting the stage for another man to come in and replace you.

Secondly, you get on the phone TODAY and call the Other Man's W and tell her everything you know. Next, call your W's family and your family. You might also call his boss and tell him what is going on. It is best to expose the affair in one fell swoop because it will infuriate your W because it threatens the end of the affair in a HUGE WAY.

That takes care of the immedicate issues. After you do this, you can go to the bookstore and buy Surviving an Affair and read as much as you can. In the meantime, post here as much as you can so we can walk you through all this.

You will be ok and possibly save your family if you just play your cards right. But you have no hope of that if you don't expose this affair and get your [censored] home.

P.S. many adulterous spouses say that their spouse beats/abuses them in order to a)justify the affair and/or b) prevent others from telling the betrayed spouse. Please tell the OMW that this is a classic symptom in an affair. You might also send the OMW to us so we can help her from that end.

thanks for the reply
i have told the mans wife and my wifes mother and she blames me for the deal, if i was a betten man i would say she probably told her that i was beating her, the last time i talked with her mother i told her i had told the wife and she said it wasnt my place to do that and i was doing it to get even, and inflict pain on her daughter, and show her what power i have. i admit when we have had these fights i have said some things i wish i hadnt. and i have appoligized, i had a feeling something was wrong, and she would do something and i would get mad and ask her and she would turn it around and blame me and make me feel bad. she is still doing this.
as for his wife when i told her she said she had prayed the night before for a sign. she was a very nice lady. she confronted him and told him that 1 more call or conversation and she would divorce him. she said he cried and said he would end it, but who knows. what sucks is there is 5 kids involved and my wife doesnt seem to care at all. she says a d is best for the kids because she grew up in a family where there was fighting, behind closed doors but her and her and her sis still knew.

Dalson, did you read my recommendations? Will you please go home? Will you get on the phone and do some more exposing?

I would not be surprised to hear that your W has tarnished you as a wife beater. That is fairly common. You might want to tell your mother in law that she is telling this lie.

i am currently at home w/ kids while w is out of town and i was planning on staying when she gets back. its nice to sleep w my kids in my bed
thank you

Do you think they have ended contact? how long since their last contact?

i am currently at home w/ kids while w is out of town and i was planning on staying when she gets back. its nice to sleep w my kids in my bed
thank you

Dalson,

You have the tapes of their phone sex, right?

You ought to up the ante..play THOSE for the OS. It'll be kind of hard to deny that nothing sexual happened after hearing that.

How did your wife meet this guy, by the way?

And Melody is right, as usual. Your wife should leave, if anyone does.

i have no clue she left town last saturday and i called his wife monday morning and she is in the same town where my w and her h is and i talked with her and she is pissed and keeping a close eye on him. she also said that if it goes any farther she will raise a BIG stink and ive tw her a couple times and everything seems good but we will see when w gets home

andrew
i did play the tapes for her the problem is they live in a dif state and it was on the phone and the rec isnt that good and they never really admit to anything, they just kind of breath hard and talk nasty , you are right it is hard for a clear thinking person to deny but someone with there head where theirs is still denies it. they met thru their jobs