The short version -- WH was fence sitting for 7 weeks, still seeing OW, I hang in there, want to fix marriage, yesterday he tells me he wants to work on us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , we have a rough start to the night last night - he feels bad for hurting OW, she is devestated by him telling her its over - but the night improves greatly, we re-connect... she continues to call - this morning tells him she needs a face to face meeting for closure (yea, right)- that if he didn't use her, that if he felt anything for her (which he did - gag), he would "be a man" and do this for her...ummmm, what about me??!?!?! He insists he is sticking by his decision to fix us -- BUT, feels like he needs to see her - that it will help him move forward w/ us... he booked a flight out tonight and is returning at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow... I'm powerless to change his mind -- tried to tell him how much this hurts me, etc... he understands but has to do this....

anyone else out there have a similar experience?? I'm still hoping he means this as last contact and am eagerly awaiting his return home so we can focus on us.... Am I an idiot? How do I get through tonight??

hmmmm, this is the point I would go to Plan B, sp. Your H is flying out there to have a dalliance with the OW. If he wanted to end it, he would end it. He don't wanna end it, he wants to continue his affair and is asking for your blessing. I would say no thanks, if I were you, and hand him a nice Plan B letter.

I agree with ML 100%.

This is worse...you now have his "permission" to continue the A...even if it's just for ONE night.
Doesn't make it any less an A.

You didn't ask him to make the choice, he made it on his own. He should stick by it.

His "last fling" with OW is a deal breaker.

MEL:

PLAN B won't be effective without an effective PLAN A. Do you think she has done PLAN A long enough?

Mimi, I think when a spouse is so blantantly and openly destructive, it is time to go into protection mode. I think she is at that point.

Hey Mimi, on second thought, I think she should follow what you say. I just peeked over at her other thread and see that you have been following her story so are probably in a better position to advise her. I trust your instincts and you know her story better than I.

<small>[ November 19, 2004, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

From what she has shared, she has not had chance to leave him with many fond memories of her while she is in PLAN B.

OOPS! Double post.

<small>[ November 19, 2004, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

You say that you can't change his mind about this. Fair enough.

But...you CAN communicate your boundaries and make him aware of the consequences, right? Just because he has chosen to do this doesn't mean it's right.

I'm no expert on this, but...how can you not go to a Plan B-type situation after a situation like this?