Hello,
First this is long and very complicated ~Apologies~. I am the BS. I met my H @13, eng.@ 16 @married @19(only man I had ever dated),"we celebrated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> "our 17th anniv. on 7/4/04)He left on 7/5" DD was 6/15/04,He meanwhile continued to lie and see the OW the entire time, I caught & he continually made excuses and finally I said no more.We tried pastoral & marriage coun. for a few wks.(we are both Christians)He was smug,reluctant and not really willing to work,went to passify me and I believe, to be able to stay in our home.I explained on DD,after first telling him to get out ASAP,then calming and said I wanted to work on it,if he'd give it a serious try and no more lies or non-work related contact. If he would, attend counc.& he had 3mo to find another job.(that is another long story)-however was financially nec.I now have our house on the mkt(I pray it sells soon)& will still sell whether he returns or not as it's a large part of the problem. His 1st A started a little over 1yr ago w/a co-worker.It lasted until,she found out about the 2nd A w/another co-worker, at the 2nd of his two jobs(she knows and didn't obviously care.)I didn't find out about the 1st until 1wk after he left-she felt compelled to call me while I was at my parents home trying to sort things out,she really just wanted to rub salt in the wound and get back at him. The current A is w/#2.He moved in w/the OW 2wks after he left our home, and the OW's H moved out 1wk before mine moved in(yes she's married to H #2)-she told my H that they were both abusive)I only found MB a few days ago, and wholeheartedly started plan A,I see my contrib.to the probs. however,I KNOW he made these decisions of his own accord. I returned to college in Aug. after a 17 yr absence,I have lost a great deal of weight(taking much better care in gen.) and able to walk now. For 6 yrs prior to that I was and still am disabled and was bedridden for 5 of the 6 yrs(that is when he had an EA w/a co-wker,He said they both decided not to take it any further for their "familys sake"-she was also married w/3c) and am sig. better physically. I am in priv. counc. as I have been having a unbelievable time dealing w/all of this. I live on a farm, his parents(both very supportive of me-will have nothing to do w/her and didn't speak to my H for 3 1/2 mo. Until after many mo.I convinced him to see them & vice versa,now, while they still won't condone his behavior & choices,or her. They are at least speaking. I had off and on followed plan A, though I didn't know it at the time. I say off and on because I was so confused, he moved in w/this woman. And I felt there was probably no hope. But later he led me to believe that there was a slight chance(even after he moved in w/her) I was stupid enough to believe it. Well now they are seriously "on the rocks" My H called me after his fight w/her last weekend.:0 and ten times today(this never happens) although the talk was mostly non-sense.I answered as soon as I returned.I was walking after my last class and didn't find out until later about the calls. I wrote him a letter one day after finding MB, though it(the letter) was a bit on the needy side, though still firm about conditions of return. It was a few days after my first birthday without H since my 16thBday(and w/the holidays,Christmas is usually very big in our home.) I was very emotional at the time, since then I have backed off and only emailed about a house showing and our daughter.
I made a mistake and I went on one "date" a month ago, just dinner, no pc etc. just a get to know you. No more! I realized the mistake the day after. I was just very lonely and hurt and to be perfectly honest, It was nice to actually have someone interested and wanting to talk to me. After,my injury(very phys.debhilitating at the time)and of course the affairs etc. Prior to that I never thought about even attempting it ever. And I know that it was a mistake. My husband does know about this. He made horrible remarks about this person, I told him nothing was going on etc. But he started acting very strange about that. I know it's because I've never dated anyone but him and had never given him any reasons to question me during our marriage. Since I started "backing off" I told him this morning that Im going out tonight. I am going to a movie,by myself. My daughter is away for the weekend and I don't want to be here by myself. I also mentioned that I may go out of town tomorrow until Sun. I never once said it was w/anyone(although I believe he assumes it is)Hence all the calls today and the fact that he had a major blowup w/the OW today didn't help that either. I do without a doubt still love him,he is the last person I would have ever suspected. But I certainly know different now. I know that deep down there are qualities worth fighting for. I am trying to remain calm and steady.(TOUGH ONE)At least in front of he & my daughter, upbeat and I'm getting out and getting on. I let him know in the letter that I did still love him and wanted to make our marriage work. But I was capable of making it w/or w/out him (I keep saying that to myself over and over)
and if the OW was in the picture,at all. It was not possible. Now I'm not certain what to do, Should I plan A or B? If they split,should I take him back or have him move in w/ his parents(which he really doesn't want to do) or the cottage w/his uncle. Until certain of commitment. I can't go through that gut wrenching ordeal again. I'm not great now, but I am somewhat better. And not completely and totally w/out hope.
Thanks,Artstudent04
