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Writing notes, good or bad?
#1231067 11/20/04 04:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
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HurtingCarol Offline OP
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HurtingCarol
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It seems like the only way I can communicate with WH is by notes. He is still in our house, still in our plutonic bed. If I have something to say, I tape a note to the bathroom mirror. He's a literate man, I'm pretty sure he reads them. At least, I get what I feel out.

Today, I'm angry that he has been deliberately ignoring our daughter. However he feels about me, hurting her is inexcusable. She's old enough to know when she's being given the cold shoulder. He's completely in a fog and doesn't want to listen. I think he should know that whatever he feels for me, he is still part of a family. Helloooooo......

Good or bad idea to do this with notes?
Re: Writing notes, good or bad?
#1231068 11/20/04 04:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2004
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shmaley Offline
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shmaley
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Notes are fine.

Just don't expect anything back. ok?

The biggest problem that the BS usually runs into is expecting anything in return for the things they do in Plan A. You must learn to give unconditionally. Please give the link in my sig a read through. It is a good guide to overcoming this problem.

If you keep tapping on the glass he might come out of the fog everynow and then. But don't expect much. Nothing but a prolonged time away from OW is going to be able to truly break his fog for good.

With that said....How are YOU doing? You need to take care of yourself. ok? Keep posting and Plan Aing!

Take Care and God Bless,

C.
Re: Writing notes, good or bad?
#1231069 11/20/04 11:06 AM
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Snowbelle Offline
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Snowbelle
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If they are "Plan A" type notes I think that is fine. If they are encouraging and loving and not ripping into him.

Our counselor encouraged us to write to each other because we found it easier to "say" things to each other that way. As things improved we moved to actually saying those things face-to-face (imagine that) and the notes took second place.

Just be aware of how the content might affect your husband. An LB is an LB, whether written or said.

~ Snow
Re: Writing notes, good or bad?
#1231070 11/21/04 07:34 AM
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HurtingCarol Offline OP
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I write because I need to communicate. I try not to put LBs in. Rip up and re-write or don't leave a lot of notes. We are in a situation now where I feel I can't confront him. Keeping everything inside is tearing me apart.

I want to say, I know where you are going. I want to say your kids are hurting. I want to say of course things in the house are a mess. When one member of a family checks out for 6 months and causes maximum mayhem upon re-entry, what can you expect.

I'm hurt. Writing puts it out there.

Moderated by  Fordude 

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