Greetings Everyone,

Well, its been a week since my WW last visited us. She, as promised, came to visit again today. She is here right now...and she brought her A enabling/supporting sister who is also having an A. I am trying to figure out why WW would do this. Maybe to further torture me (as she knows how I feel about her sister)? Maybe it was so any discussions involving ANYTHING will be extremely difficult with SIL's presence?

TMCM posted to me that my Taker will soon take over, and that my vows will be out the window. Well, I am feeling a little p1ss3d today. Maybe what TMCM wrote is starting to come to pass. I am also in serious withdrawl, being away from my W for so long. I miss that closeness of a woman terribly. This is starting to make me feel much more resentment than usual. The balance with my feelings are starting to tip towards the negative. I can't even Plan B yet, do to arrangements with child visitation.

At least my WW is acting nicer than usual, this time around. I couldn't help myself, and asked her what she and OM talk about during thier lunch break (it sickens me that he is on work release). She looked at me like she just couldn't believe that I asked the question. She answered with "Everything." In her mind, it would seem that what she is doing is okay, and that nothing is my business, and that she just can't understand why I just don't accept everything and give her my blessing to continue with her chosen path.

She doesn't hug me anymore. She claims that she wants to be able to hang out with me, but she doesn't because I "allow myself to be hurt" or "ask questions that will hurt me or that she just doesn't want to answer". It is madness...

Well, I'll check back off and on...I'm trying not to be on here a lot while she is here. I guess I'll go into the living room, and sit amongst my broken family, and try not to appear to depressed, or angry about SIL being here...

Dimmu

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I couldn't help myself, and asked her what she and OM talk about during thier lunch break (it sickens me that he is on work release).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dimmu,

With all due respect, with questions like that one you are doing a great job of sabotaging all your Plan A efforts by withdrawing huge amounts from your love bank. If your WW ever ends her affair and comes out of the fog, you're not going to have enough love left to weather the difficult road of recovery. You are feeding your Taker and he is becoming stronger and stronger. Stop feeding it by bringing the OM up. Rest assured that the OM is on a self destructive road [like your WW] and he will pay for his deeds probably much sooner than later.

They are watching a movie...my presence is unnoticed, so I have a chance to get back on here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect, with questions like that one you are doing a great job of sabotaging all your Plan A efforts by withdrawing huge amounts from your love bank. If your WW ever ends her affair and comes out of the fog, you're not going to have enough love left to weather the difficult road of recovery. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know...I know. Ark, as well as others, has basically said the same things. I know I am not supposed to bring OM up, as that is a poor tactic that has no strategic value at this point. But as soon as I see her, my emotions cloud my logic. My judgement gets poor, and I say things that I shouldn't say. Though, I have planted seeds of doubt about OM during conversations with WW, so its like a catch-22.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are feeding your Taker and he is becoming stronger and stronger. Stop feeding it by bringing the OM up. Rest assured that the OM is on a self destructive road [like your WW] and he will pay for his deeds probably much sooner than later. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My Taker is getting stronger. I am starting to feel like I did when she had her first A (long before I discovered MB). I don't know how to curb my Taker. My personality is constructed as such that people either deserve, or they don't. This clashes with my Christian Faith, as I know that we are supposed to forgive, unconditionally. Well, events in my life have been poor teachers in this regard, and I am known to hold grudges. This is something that I have been working on, as it is not very productive when it comes to certain matters. My Taker wants to be a thorn in the side of this A...to force OM to have second thoughts about his position, even if that means destroying the M forever. How could he want to stay involved with my W if I am a constant pain in the @ss?

My Giver on the other hand, is the part of me that wants to work on my forgivness factor. He wants to save this marriage, and forget that OM even exists. My Giver still loves my W, but I think that my Taker doesn't really care at this point. I'm growing weary of being pulled in two different directions, because my mind and soul cannot agree on a specific course of action.

Dimmu