Well, today is anniversary of dday #2, one year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know no one can give me any answers...but I am still so freakin' in a surreal state.

My f(?)wh won't sleep in bed with me. There, I said it. I hope it is because he feels way way too much guilt....but maybe I am just rationalizing (again) for him. I really don't see us recovering. There, I said that too.

Of course I fear he still harbors feelings for his "ow". He claims he broke it off last year. I don't trust it though. I fear he's here for our kids. I don't want our kids to hurt. But I don't want to live with a roommate. I do think he should be showing some love to me, right??????????? Not just being cordial.

I know I need to say these things to him. There isn't anything to lose at this point.

I mean, he either works on this marriage or he leaves. He's probably waiting for me to do the "dirty work". I've done my part. Each day I deal with the humiliation and betrayal that my "husband" threw on top of me.

And like Dr. Phil said to mom to 3 boys' wh, I feel my h was agressive in hurting me in his affair. Like, setting up double dates for me, him, ow and owh. WTF????????????????????????????????????
WHY????????????????????????????? They had PLENTY of time together, why have to throw me and owh into it? To make the thrill of their illicit affair that much more intense?

Makes me really feel like quitting. Because in all honesty, if he weren't my h, and I didn't stick to my marriage vows, my GOd, this isn't even someone I'd chose for my friend at this point, after how he's treated me.

It isn't that I'm throwing a pity party, I swear. I'm just looking at things more objectively, I think. Maybe that is a good sign for me? Maybe I'm getting enough distance to summon the courage to actually take steps forward, with or without him. I am probably naive and trusting to a fault. But I can't let him take from me who I am because of what he has done.

Thanks all. Here's wishing you all a peaceful day.

Hi weezy,

I went back a read some of your old posts.It sounds like your WH just isn't into you? Sound familiar?

After a year,your WH should be sleeping with you and a whole lot more.If he's not invested in the marriage and recovery with you,being there for the kids only robs YOU of a life.

I'm not saying that no one COULD stay just for the kids and still be ok with that.That's a personal decision.But you do sound frustrated by your WH and I would have to agree based on what you mentioned.

I understand you haven't been posting much but maybe you need to get back onto the Recovery board and/or counseling again.

Do you think he is still in contact with the OW? Perhaps that is why he is refusing to sleep with you.It might be like a betrayal to the OW for him to do that in his mind.My WH started to refuse to let me wash his back when he was in the shower(like I always used to do) and that made me raise an eyebrow.Of course a couple weeks later I found out he was lying about contact and thus began our journey to D.I think he felt that only the OW could/should see him naked then even though we had been together 20 YEARS and were still married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Just throwing that possibility out there.

O