My story is long and pretty painful, I'll try and be as brief with it as I can.

About two years ago, shortly after my daughter was born my wife starting talking about and talking with another man. At the time, he lived close by and would drop in often. I ask my wife what the deal was and she responded that nothing was going on and that they were just friends. I was still uncomfortable and asked that he no longer come by and she only talk with him at work(they sit within 10 feet of one another).

About 1 1/2 years went by and my wife and I started having problems sexually. I asked the problem and she responded again "not a problem". I started checking around and found that she was talking with this man daily on her cell. I asked her to stop and she said she would. We went to marriage couseling and things started to get better. She was looking for a new job and told me she was done with her friendship to the other man.

One day while she was home alone, the man called her from work, upset that she had broken off the relationship (months after cousenling) and stating that he still loved and needed her(he's married, seperating due to his relationship with my wife). In no uncertain terms my wife said that she LOVES him and is confused on what to do. I heard the coversation and immediatley went out and found a new place to live.

We were planning on giving our children the talk about mommy and daddy not living together anymore on a Friday afternoon. Friday morning she called and said that she's quiting work, she will never see or talk with him again and wants to work things out for the kids.

I'm torn....I still love her very much and would obviously like to be with my kids everyday. But is it possible after all the lies she's told she could mean it this time? It's only been a day since she told me this and she seems to be walking around the house totaly depressed. Should I cut my losses? Since this started I've been pretty depressed and unable to eat much of the time. I've gone from 210 to 170 since April(8 months). I know that I'm capable of finding love elsewhere, but I don't know if I can really be a every other weekend dad. I want things to work out, but how can I tell she does? Her quiting work is a good step, but what about me, how long am expected to wait for intimacy to return between us?

Confused, the first thing you should do is go home. By leaving, you practically threw her into the arms of the OM and opened up opportunities for him move into your home. It can also be viewed as abandonment in many states. The betrayed spouse should never be the one to leave, any leaving should be done by the wayward spouse. It is imperative for you to go home.

To answer your question, yes, your marriage can be saved if this affair ends. It will take a lot of work for you to regain trust. She will have to earn it back and that will take time. Just know that it is often much harder on all concerned to throw in the towel and get a divorce. Divorce is a permanent solution to what is often a TEMPORARY PROBLEM. Divorce also has tragic, lifelong effects on the children. Just know that it is very possible to have an even better marriage after adultery if you both are committed.

If you decide to stay, you are looking at about a 12 month recovery period at best. Your W will go through a withdrawal period and you will have to recover from your grief resulting from betrayal. Intimacy won't come overnight, but it CAN COME. And we can help you with all this, if you decide to stay.

But, you have to make that decision.

Confused,

I'm sorry for your pain and I hope everything works out. As long as you feel there is a chance to still Plan A then I would suggest going for it. It will take your WW some time to get over this addiction and it will take you standing by her side and feeding her EN's... But you need to make sure this affiar ends, I have heard many people talk about exposing the affiar. I would find out who this OM's wife is and inform her anyway. I would also let family and friends know. My ww on her own has written a letter to all of our friends and family and her boss asking for forgivness. I do wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you.

Confused, I will hit on the intamacy factor right away. I am the WH and I have hurt my W deeper than I even know. It wasn't clear to me as to wether or not yourW had an emotional affair or a physical affair. I found that I had to work in stages. Your situation is the opposite of mine but I will tell you that some where along the line the OM was meeting a need of your W. To truely start recovery you must first deside together that this is what you want to do and then I reccomend that take Dr Harley's course(if you haven't already). I learned more in 10 hours then I did in a year of MC. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't have made it to this point w/o it. This will take some time and intamacy will come Don't give up, don't take the easy route. Saving your marriage will be the best thing you ever did. Trust me!

Speaking of trust. Your W must expose everything and rebuild you trust by being accountable. I call my wife about every 2-3 hours to tell her what I am doing and where I am or going. If I get in my truck to go some where my W knows. If your W doesn't want to commit to this then she isn't wiling to regain you trust.

I am not trying to be harsh only truthful, take it from me I was there.

Thanks for getting back so quick. I have talked with the wife of the other man, she was very hostile towards me.

I would like to work things out, obviously I can't be the only one working though. If the wife tries I believe it can work, at one time we were both very happy being married. She has told me before that she wishes she could go back two years and never talk with him. I tell her to just stop doing things that prevent her from being happy with us again. I am going to put my efforts in one last time, if it doesn't work I'll know that I did everything that I know of to keep the family together.

Things are still troubling me...The wife has quit work to be away from the OM. However she is obviously missing what she had with him. Its only been a couple of days, but the thought of her missing being with after all of the pain and trouble we both went through bothers me. I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but its not easy.

I'm also worried that I have a preplanned trip upcoming, we'll be apart for a couple of days. I'll of course be worried if she can truely stay away from him or not. But then again, I hate being worried about that and feeling like I have to check up on her all of the time. The whole things stinks, I want to be together with the kids and her, but sometimes I question whether or not I'm stong enough to last the storm.