Hey guys and gals, well after the 5 month seperation...I guess and a 4 month false recovery...Deb, WS...moved to her brothers 20 days ago, but on the 2nd day said she missed me, and brought over supper. Last week she asked to move back...I said no, that I thought she needed a bit more time to be truly committed to restoring our marriage...we cont. to speak and on last Sat. evening we went out to dinner together and spent the night and most of sunday together. She had told me that her Mother had convinced her to move out again...well Mom been up here at her brothers with her all week and things have went down hill. Deb had a Dr. appt. Friday and found out one of her kidneys is failing...I had her car that day...and put a new set of tires on it and returned it with roses inside. She stayed with her girlfriend from work last night I believe and yesterday she asked me to "just give her space". This all seems so much like her actions back nine months ago... Heck, I'm starting to want to quit. What is the time limit most set for themselves? Thanks.

The time limit is most often controlled on the status of the BS. Regardless of where the WS or xWs resides.

So the question to you is, do you still want your W back and willing to go through the morph from WS to xws to spouse? Or do you want to move on?

L.

She just phoned me...thanked me for the things I did on her Jeep and the flowers and book. She said she missed me also. As for what I want...is for her to restore our marriage and head to church together. Yes, I still love her more than ever. In her talk a minute ago...she mentioned she is writing me a letter...makes a BS think of the worst...don't it? But in closing she said..."I love you, and will call again this evening".

Welder,

U need to go out and take your mind off of her actions. Go do a 'TIM ALLEN' kinda fun thing. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Betcha you can guess what I watched this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't melt like butter now, ya hear? You are right to want your W back not but a WS. Remember only she can prove to you she is not a WS anymore. Don't settle for anything less. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Welderboy,

Orchid is right and you should not put your life on hold while your WW is still fence sitting. The more you deprive yourself of the good things in life [friends, hobbies, coffee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] the more resentful you'll become and eventually you'll just lose all love for her and head straight for divorce.

It's very important that you do not make the mistake that many BS's make of settling for anything less than an end to her affair, write a NC letter and willingly allow you to mail it to the OM, and demonstrate a true desire on her part to follow all the MB principles. All of these should be deal breakers if you truly want to accept her back and go on the road to a TRUE recovery.

Thanks for the support. Today, I'm putting my Harley back together...it was down for tires and a some chrome fork legs that Deb had gotten me as a gift last christmas. It's tough to be alone...i live in the country where I can't even see my neighbors house. My dog was never tied and he came up missing 10 days ago, man I should write a country song....anyhow, trouble with so many of my old friends is they like to party and go out. I guess over the years I've grown into a pretty straight dude. I'll be doing church Sunday...and visiting my parents...now if I finish this bike,it's going to be ridden tomorrow.

Hi...not too bad of a day today, rode the bike,went to church and visited my Mom and Dad...Deb just called a little bit ago. She is headed to the hosp. in the AM with her Mother to have some tests. I asked if she wanted me there? She really didn't answer straight up...kinda...but I think she don't want me around her Mom, she said her Mother shows her things about our relationship that she fails to see. Otherwords her Mom picks the crap out of what I say and do...although she knew of her daughters EA...and let it go...which turned into the A. Debby also for the 2nd time mentioned cancer....thats when I told her all that I wanted to do was love her and that I'd be there for her. She said she is coming home Monday afternoon to spend a few hours with me...she is taking her Mom back to her home 300 miles away for the rest of the week and the holiday. Folks keep my little wife in your prayers...I think the Lord has a plan to get her back on track. Peace.