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Earlier today I posted that I was going to semd my wife, who is out of town with her friends, some roses. I did this and I finally got a call that she received them, about 11/2 hrs after she got them. The first thing she said was thank you and then backed it up with a why did you send the flowers?
Can't I just send flowers to say I love you, I appreciate you and thank you for being my wife?
I don't get it. What is the deal with that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Can't she just say thank you I love them? And in a tone of voice that is convincing?
I am not made as much as I am hurt, I don't do stuff like this very often and with a reaction like that itm doesn't make me want to do it again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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Art - I don't know your story, it might help if you set up a signature so you don't have to repeat it every thread. However, if you are in Plan A, you can not expect anything from your WW. You keep doing things like sending her roses without worrying about her reaction. It sounds to me like she feels guilty for you doing something nice for her, which means Plan A is working! Keep it up!
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Joined: Mar 1999
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't do stuff like this very often and with a reaction like that itm doesn't make me want to do it again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't quite understand what she did wrong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She asked why you sent them.
Art, she's at a get-together with her scrap-booking friends. Can't you just picture them answering a knock on the door and a delivery person standing there with a gorgeous flower bouquet! And all the women are yelling "Who's it for?? Who's it for?" And when the delivery person says its for your W, she's shocked! Afterall, you said you don't do this often! All her friends are asking her,, "Is it your birthday, Anniversary, did you two have a spat,, or what the heck did you do so special to get such a nice suprise?" She says "I have no idea,,When I call him to let him know I received them, I'll ask."
Art, she was suprised. Do it more often and I'm sure she'll get a more appreciative, proper response down pat!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
And good job, Art. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sure she felt very special!
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Maybe she wanted to hear exactly what you told her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Joined: Nov 2004
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I just think it is crazy that evryone thinks thta there was a fight or I did somehting wrong. Why can't I just send them because.
note: I also sent 7 pink and white tulips, one for each of her friends with a note thanking them for spending quality adult, female time with my W.
Do you think that my W was offended by this?
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I don't think she was offended..I think it was a very kind thoughtful gesture... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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I'd be thrilled if my WH sent me roses....he doesn't even acknowledge me after causing so much pain in my life these past 6 months. I actually saw a delivery man carrying roses and inside I wished they were coming to my doorstep..of course they didn't. WH used to do such just to wish me a good day or to say I love you and I absolutely adored it. There is nothing better than receiving a gesture of affection! I wouldn't read too much into your BS's reaction...she may have been shocked but deep down inside, I bet she is smiling even if her reaction didn't please you.
-K
Me: 28 yo faithful wife Him: 31 yo WH Married: 3.5 years, together 5 years His Affair: Began Fall 03, exact timeline unknown D-Day: May 22, 2004; he immediately left I Plan A'd thru Oct, he signed div papers, I am now in Plan B, will sign papers post Thanksgiving even though I don't believe in this divorce.
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I don't think she was embarassed, or offended or anything. If my H sent me flowers, and I was at a get together, I would have felt so special. But after calling and thanking my H for them I would have also asked "why'd you send the flowers?"...not because I didn't want them, but because...whatever it was that I did to get them...I'd keep doing it!! She may have also wanted to "hear" what she already "felt" and "read" on the note with the flowers. Hearing it sometimes feels just as good as "feeling" it. Does that make sense? I don't believe there is a woman on this board or anywhere else that doesn't like receiving flowers. To receive them amongst a group of friends is even better. Makes you feel special. She may have been so shocked and happy, that she may have been at a loss for words...so why came out. Was it the tone in her voice that hurt you? or just that she asked why?
You did a very romantic thing. Please don't let her asking why stop you from doing it again. I can almost guarantee you that when she gets home, she will again mention the flowers and hopefully you will be able to "see" her thankfulness.
I'll betchya she was glowing on the other end of that phone, you just couldn't see that.
Keep us posted on what she says when she gets home.
LWIT
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As a W of a H who isn't a flower giving, card buying type of guy, I can understand.
Is this normally something you've done over the course of your 8 years ?
Also, all new behaviors from a FORMER WS, are skeptical. This isn't a rule, just an observation.
Sending gift, flowers, cards, etc. should be sent from the heart, regardless of what is said, or done AFTER the fact.
Gifts are truly gifts, if you expect something in return, and you didn't receive what you thought, so now you're upset.
See the turn around ?
I love my H with all my heart, and don't hold anything against him, but if he sent me flowers...out of the blue...for no apparent reason, I would call hell to make sure it hadn't frozen over.
Just a pun.... it's just not his character, so that's why I asked.
It was a nice gesture, you're just asking a woman's take on it, so I gave you a couple.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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What are you hurt about ?
You are in a marriage trauma, gestures like flowers carry more weight, good and bad, than at other times on a relationship.
Did you expect your W to burst into grateful tears at your magnificent gesture or to completely ignore them ? It seems to me that she liked them, was surprised because as YOU ADMIT its out of character for you to send her flowers, so called to thanks you and see why you sent them
If you were as stroppy with her on that call as you seem to be here, I bet she wishes she'd never gotten the flowers.
A gift can be an LB if they are too "loaded" with intents and needs artdawg.
Please help us understand why you were upset by this and what you expected to happen.
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Bob, I didn't really expect much I guess, Maybe just a thanks for the flowers and not a "why did you send them?". You do have a eccellent point.
Here is somthing that I remembered as I was reading you reply. I had purchased flowers for OW(dozen roses). The last time I sent roses to my W she liked them, but told me that it reminded her of the flowers I sent to OW. I then was hesitant to send more. I totally forgot about this. I was just thinking that it would be a kind gesture. Men are so forgetful, at least this one. This is the first time in 8-10 mo. that I have sent flowers, due to the above. Now I think I know why she asked why.
Do you think it upste her that a sent a flower to each woman that was there as a thank you for spending girl time with my W?
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