Had lunch with my wife Thursday. If you have read any of my posts you know we are not living togeather right now. I had an EA and it seemed to bring the abuse of her past to the surface.

I am trying to be accountable in every way. Well She was in my car with me. Cell phone bill and check book were sitting on the dash. I had to go into a store for a few minutes. I am 99% sure she looked at them both. I have nothing to hide, so no big deal. I sat down to write the check for cell phone bill this afternoon and realized something.

I have Nextel. I use the direct connect feature ALOT. Well looking at the bill it doesnt show what direct connect number you connect to. Just minutes used.

ANy idea on what I can do besides changing cell companies? I use the direct connect alot at work. It would cost me a small fortune a month to get rid of that feature.

I would monitor her reaction and not to over react. If she gave you indicator that she wants you to change it then do it.

-rh-

Better yet, ask her if she wants you to change it. Just in case you fail to read her reaction.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 02:36 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

You mean change cell phone companies?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by john3479:
<strong> You mean change cell phone companies? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeap ... it is way cheaper than Dv lawyer's fee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Ask her if she wants you to change it.

-rh-

I did some figuring and if I went to a different phone carrier I would have to be able to get a plan with about 1500 anytime cell minutes for less then $50 a month. Plus the phone HAS to be able to be used in an explosive enviroment.

Have you calculated yet how much $ you have to pay in Spousal Support and/or Child Support ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

-rh-

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 03:36 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

When I had to file an emergency custody order I also had to file divorce.

So I will pay zero child support and zero spouse support.

When I had to file an emergency custody order I also had to file divorce.

I have full custody of the kids. That will not change for atleast a year. So I will pay zero child support and zero spouse support.

Ok ... how much your M worth ? ... the last time I look, ATT has $99 for 1500 minutes. Plus if it is for work, isn't it legit biz expenses ?

Have you ask Nextel to list out the direct connect # ?. It might be a cheaper way to go.

You have to ask your W if this is an issue for her to keep the nextel. If it does you have not much choice.

-rh-

I asked them abou tlisting them out. They are not set up for it.

Its not required for my job, just makes some things alot easier. I work public safety, at there are times it is just alot easier to use the direct connect then the radios.

I know more then likely I am making a big deal out of nothing, But I am seeing signs that my wife may be coming back into the home soon and right now that is the only accountability issue I can see.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 04:06 AM: Message edited by: john3479 ]</small>

Just wait and be patience. You could mention it to her later when she is coming home for sure. It is a good practice for both of you to learn POJA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

John,

If I were your W,I would really appreciate knowing AHEAD of time that this is a potential issue with recovery and that you asked for her opinion *first.

I will never get over completely how much that dam*** WH cell phone caused me so much pain for so many reasons.Talk to your W before checking out other plans.You may not need to do that if she is ok with the current plan.I for one would not be BUT I would think that if you really want marital recovery,changing the phone and company would be a non-issue.

Remember: Doing WHATEVER it takes to make your W feel confident in you is extremely important.Make it happen,if need be.

O

I guess my biggest concern is just how much I use it for work. I dont know how many on here work public safety, but if you do you understand how radios can get so jammed up with traffic that you CANT get out. The direct connect feature is basicly a walkie talkie that I use ALOT on a large scale incident.

It also works really well for inter agency operations. If it was " Just " a cell phone it wouldnt be a big issue.

I understand your concern John,.I can't say that I know precisely what it means to have a cell like yours in a job like yours.However,if this WAS a major contentious issue with your W,are you willing to let a cell phone win out over marital recovery? Isn't that just a little bit of an excuse?

The challenge here should not be about the effect on your wife but rather with THE CELL PHONE issue.Do you see the difference? You are presented with a problem:

-do you make the change necessary for your W to feel comfotable with you or do you let a work cell phone issue prevail?

Truly,which is more important because that is the bottom line here.No if's and's or but's.There are always options.Even in Infidelity.

O

Aside from all of your excuses, my husband also works in "public safety" requiring extensive cell phone use. I would be thrilled if he even offered to provide more accountablilty...start with the offer...it may be enough <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Im not making excuses. If it comes down to it the phone is gone. But that really isnt my first choice.

I am more then willing to show her the bills. Let her see who all is stored in the phone. I will even write down all the numbers for her to do a quick referance if she wants.

She hasnt brought the issue up yet. I am just trying to be ready for stumbleing blocks once she moves back home. It may never come up. She does realize how much it gets used for work. She has listened to my personal radio enough to know how it gets on big scenes.

Ok,if there are no excuses here then you will look SO much better if you present this issue to your W first.It shows that you cared enough to bring this up before SHE chance encounters it.

That's just my opinion anyway.There's only one way to find out if this is an issue or not:ask.

O

I agree with what everybody is telling you.
Changing cell phone companies is so much cheaper than divorce. I would ask your wife what would make her feel more secure about the marriage...you need to prove that you can be trust worthy and do whatever she needs you to do to prove that to her.