What do you do when all the signs of an affair are there and you feel it in your gut for the last 10 mos. but you can't prove it and the wandering spouse won't admitt to it?

You investigate and find out the truth. It is futile to question the spouse because they are not likely to bust themselves. So do some sleuthing and check out cell phone bills, listen to voicemails, and even hire a P.I. if you have to.

I agree w/ Melody. Truthfully my A would not have been found out if my W would not have gone w/ her gut. Its hard for me to admit that I wasn't man enough to expose it myself, but I wasn't. If you don't look and just pretend that it is all in you head that will make recovery harder. If you think that it is happening then most likely it is.

I hope I am not being to harsh, I jus hate to see people go through what I put my W through.

Keep your head up

Start reading here.

Go straight to Plan A.

Keep you eyes and ears wide open.

And as Melody says, investigate.

What makes you think he's having an affair?

J

Start with his computer, if it at home - look in history The green circle/arrow at the top of the page. Go to the sites he's been on recently.
Click on the address bar at the top of the page - the down arrow on the right will show you what web sites he has typed in recently.

Go to his email program and when it comes in click on "Sent" items - you can read things he has sent if he didn't erase them. Check the "deleted" folder also. On the main computer check the Wastebasket or whatever yours is called. See what he's gotten rid of.

Go back and check credit card statements for the past year. If you can check his cell phone, do that too. Be prepared, though, when you do find things it may make you sick. It did me.

Look at the caller id on your phone and see who has called. You can request an itemized bill from the cell phone company and you can see what numbers are frequently called. Whatever you do, don't do anything illegal. Check with a lawyer to make sure first. Do hire an investigator to help you. Some only charge as little as $20 an hour.

Start reading "Surviving an Affair" - you can order it at the top of this page. Click on bookstore. There is good advice in there. There is also a good book called "Not Just Friends" but it's a harder read than Harley's books.

Chances are if it walks like a duck...etc.
Good luck and come back here for help. There are people with great experience who will help you. They have certainly helped me.

Kat484 - You either become Sherlock Holmes or you hire one. The "goal" is to prove or disprove your gut.

While that is going on, read Surviving An Affair and begin a Plan A. If something is "wrong" in your marriage, you need to begin to address what is wrong. Learn about Emotional Needs, how they are different for each of you, how they might rank differently for each of you, and how you meet those top EN's.

God bless.

It started last Dec. my husband is an manager and the female supervisor on his team got him to join the weight loss program she was going to.He lost 70 lbs. in 16wks. He started keeping tabs on my schedule wanting to know exactly when I was going to be home. He will withdraw me emotionally and physically for long periods of time and then all of a sudden be really loving for a day or two. When the weather started getting warmer he started playing alot of golf.But there were times he was suppose to be on the golf course and I would call and it didn't sound like that was where he was. Money has been disappearing. He doesn't get on the computer at home but he has one at work.Her cell number has been on our cell phone bills every month since April and once her home number.See she is also married.He got transferred four months ago so, we moved to a different town . He still has to go there for meetings and they are still calling each other.I don't have a car so following him will be tough.Well, I'm going to close thank you for listening.

Voice activated recorder. Put it in a strategic place in his vehicle. Hire a PI. Do you have reliable contacts at his workplace or at her workplace? Do you have access to her H?

You have tools at your disposal. See if you can setup an appointment with Steve H.

If you want to do an extreme test, drop hints about you thinking about having an A. EA type is easier to do. Don't be too dramatic and give small subtle hints. You have to be a good actress to pull this off and it is dangerous cuz it may make you want to play it out for real.

JMHO,
L.