Anyone have anything to say about this one? I would suggest you tell her how you feel. Follow this link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=000035;p=1#000009

Perhaps I'll take the time to respond, later, to the individual. But for now all I hear is more justification and rationalization and blaming...total fogbound thinking...so anything that might be said is not likely to be heard or received and is a waste of time taken to respond to her.

Her expectation that her husband "carry on" with her is interesting since what she has done to him is tantamount to Rape. Now she wants him to be civil and have a friendship with both the rapist and the one who aided in the rape. I wonder how she would feel if SHE had been the one to be raped and was now being asked to have a friendship with the rapist.

The wages of sin....and the consequences continue. Now she is modeling "shacking up" for her children. I am continually amazed at the warped thinking of folks caught up in affairs.

Why not refer her to the TOW site. She'll find lots of similar self-deluded folks there who will tell her everything she has done, and is doing, is "just fine."

Time to quite typing before I get too "bent out of shape."

I gave a nice detailed point of view(mine) to this person.Maybe she will wake up and stop thinking only of how this affects her.

O

Wow, that felt GREAT ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Forever,

I am not sure that fog can still be around after three years. She is forced to continue to justify ruining her marriage by slamming a book written to help protect the sanctity of marriage. Her days are coming. None of us are excempt from getting back what we give. Some take a little longer. I hope her H finds a nice woman to settle down and they can sit back and watch this ruthless little braggert self destruct.

Octobergirl:

Your story reflects much pain as most of us have experienced. I hope you hit a note with this selfish "happily" married liar and deceitful person who is proud of her actions.

Betrayed Jersey Girl: You are right, this woman doesn't have a clue, nor does her new Mr. MLT.

I hope we get more feedback from others.

TooSoon

LTW is not married to the OM.

O

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

TSTBC,

You don't think the fog can last that long? Haven't you ever heard of alcoholics who drank themselves to death over a period of 20 years or more?

Fog lasts as long as the person in it is willing and able to sustain it. It is a pleasant fantasy..they want to remain forever..but good and true friends will aid reality in crushing this before it consumes them. It doesn't get to everyone in time. Sounds like the one reality this woman is unable to change to her liking is her BHs reaction. He isn't reading his lines according to her script and it is irritating her to no end. Cheers to that brave man..and how unfortunate that the rest of those she associates with were too cowardly to do the same.

She may well be lost.

Noodle

OG:

You are right, she is only living with her Mr. Wonderful. My error.

TooSoon

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Written by LTW on September 27, 2004 11:08 PM:

Almost 3 years ago, when I shocked myself & fell in love with another man, my husband was given your book -- which he followed to a "t". Throughout your book, you consistantly say that the chances of such a new relationship working out are almost nil, and therefore you NEVER deal with the possibility of that outcome.

Well, I am that tiny group, and I want you to know what your plan does to this tiny segment. On page 76, you assure followers that if they do everything you say & divorce still happens, THEIR LOVE WILL BE COMPLETELY GONE. Perhaps you would be gratified to know that this worked 100%. Instead of 2 adults who have gone their seperate ways but can still communicate as parents to 3 grown and almost grown kids, I am left with an ex who will not speak to me, not be in the same room with me, barely emails me, will not drive on my street, and will not bring the kids to or from my home.

My kids are fine, my family is fine, my new partner's family is fine, and my ex's family is almost fine -- but I wonder if my ex will ever get over this total lack of love or even civility.

I feel you, as counselors, knowing that hurting people will hang on your every word, were extremely remiss not to include a chapter on how to act like a grownup with dignity if everything doesn't turn out the way you wanted.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LTW:

I don't understand why you think your ex OWES you anything, other than partipating in co-parenting your children, but as you said they are grown now.

Why in the hell do you think he should still love you, email you, etc.? Civility and grownup-like?

He IS being civil and a grownup by not having you, a wayward wife who is now his ex-wife due to her affair, in his life. He has made a grownup choice to no longer be in your life, when you unilaterally took his choices away by having an affair and betraying him and your marriage.

I think what has SHOCKED you LTW, is you can no longer have your cake and eat it too.

Jo

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

What a sad, sad person. If she was really that happy why would she be waisting time posting here? She knows what she did was wrong but is still trying to justify her behavior, probably for herself. She says she knows she broke "the Rules." The Rules? This goes way beyond the rules, she broke one of the 10 commandments, she broke a vow she made in front of all her family, friends and God. This goes way beyond a Rule, but to refer to it as that shows how clueless she really is.

However, why should we worry about her? She will get hers one day. Either in this life time or the next. And it will be so much worse then anything you or I could ever imagine.

I doubt she will respond but I did offer a few opinions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I thought the post was rather astounding but it seems to me she got everything she wanted so I am having a hard time understand why she has a problem with her exH moving on and having nothing to do with her.

Truely an amazing post.

JL

She is looking for support for her role and actions. She is not remorseful and is probably on the wrong forum for that. Maybe she needs to go to the web page called:

iamtheonlyonethatmatters.com

TooSoon

LOL

My hat is off to her Ex. Sounds like he is doing a great job.

JL,

As always, your post to LTW hit the nail right on the head that I was left pretty much speechless [pretty hard thing for anybody to do to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] after I finished reading it.

As far as LTW is concerned, it sounds to me that what LTW was doing was nothing more than venting because her XBH had closed the door on her face for good and moved on with his life. This doesn't surprise me one bit because after my XWW [first W] hit rock bottom and went through therapy [post divorce] she tried to come back into my life once she knew that I had a GF [now my present W]. Many WS who divorce their BS harbor an unrealistic expectation that their BS should be their friend and get very upset when they find that he/she does not. One more unrealistic expectation is that just because they have moved on with their lives that the BS should move on with his/hers as well, while ignoring that they have had a lot more time to do this than their BS ever did. Eventually they do come to accept that they have no say in the matter just like the BS had to accept the same when the WS chose to end the marriage.

TMCM

I have read this topic (and the one on the other forum) with significant interest. LTW could very well be my ex, with almost the exact same situation occurring. It has been nearly 2 years since she up and left for her OM and she cannot accept the fact that I finally gave up hope and placing any effort into having a relationship with her. I want nothing to do with her. She is still in denial as to her and the OM's responsiblity in our family breaking up. I addressed myself during my Plan A & B without regard from her.

She on a somewhat regular basis attempts to educate me on how I should feel, be and act now. She also reminds me of our long relationship (11 years), our children, our history etc... as reasons to remain involved in each other's lives. I asked her where those factors played in her decision to leave for OM and not put any effort whatsoever into reconciliation. Her only answer being that she is sorry, was wrong and made the biggest mistake of her life. Too little too late. I should note if I haven't previously, she is still with OM and in fact wearing an engagement ring which she calls a promise ring. This woman is in her late thirties, not fifteen.

She even has the gall to be hurt (her words) upset, in pain (her words) that I have a new relationship with a wonderful person and that our children care for her and enjoy her company. She asks me how I could do this to her!? (what?)She even has threatened me recently saying, "I'm going to get you" because I won't play the game of relationship destruction her way.

I find it simply amazing how so many WS can cause so much emotional damage to those around them with their choice to destroy families and the hearts of their family members, attribute their decision to some "unintentional" feeling they develop because they engaged in an INAPPROPRIATE relationship with someone outside of their relationsip / marriage, then try to minimize all of it and expect ANYTHING from the betrayed, much less a friendship.

They should really consider themselves lucky that the betrayed had enough love and consideration for them to put effort into working on and repairing their marriage when the WS is engaged in such hurtful actions instead of just turning their back on them immediately and walking away. That was their chance for friendship and so much more.

So many WS view the BS "moving on" as "getting over it" and allowing them to eventually have their cake and eat it too. Yes there has to be some minimal contact if there are children involved, particularly if they are younger, but not much, and certainly not a friendship.

If anyone detects my anger and resentment you are perceptive and although LTW, my ex and other like minded people (cake eaters) may think I that I should not "be this way" as my ex says, I offer no apologies. This topic really struck a cord with me and I hope that LTW reads the responses from myself and others.

Careful what you wish for.

Any thoughts on how much of her anger is repressed guilt?

I do find it funny that after the relationship is over how the WS can have a relationship with someone else, but the BS had better stay free " just in case ".

NowWhat:

Excellent post in response to one of the more selfish posters I have read in some time.

I am amazed at how bold some of these very selfish WS's can be. They can tear your heart out and they simply say, "Get over it, let's be friends." You will love my new BF, etc. It pukes me.

I lucked out and was able to keep my wife but if I would have lost her and the family would have been destroyed, I would have never been nice to her again. I would have avoided her to protect myself from more pain. This WS's husband is protecting his already broken heart from more serious pain, I am sure.

TooSoon

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by john3479:

I do find it funny that after the relationship is over how the WS can have a relationship with someone else, but the BS had better stay free " just in case ". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh John you don't know how right you are for even experts in the field of infidelity have said the same thing you have. It just goes to show you how disconnected from reality MANY [NOT ALL] WS truly are.

TMCM

At first I thought it was my exW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . LOL!

What do they think ? We are a kitchen garbage disposal for their emotional drama ?.

If she is real she will post back and I would give her my answer.

-rh-