I'm glad she's here, actually. Because if she's here -- and if we don't scare her away with our own rage and pain -- she has a chance to learn. I hope she does.

No matter how much she may deny our points of view, if she keeps reading, it'll eventually sink in. And offering her kindness and understanding strikes me as an approach that's more likely to succeed than being angry at her for her (admittedly) cold approach to the whole thing. As someone else said, though, I bet there's a world of hurt going on underneath.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by john3479:
<strong> Any thoughts on how much of her anger is repressed guilt?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In her posts, it's blatantly obvious that all of it is.

I have talked to FWS's who have come back to reality and they express tremendous remorse. They deserve to be given another chance.

This woman feels no shame outwardly although she may be hurting on the inside. I think she is selfish and proud because she started the thread as an attack to Dr. Harley and his book. She simply may be an evil person with no conscious. I have met some in person and they are not moved by emotions, pain, and they don't care about truth.

TooSoon

One becomes 'tother, TooSoon -- it's largely a matter of time and repetition.

Funny how this thread hit me more than so many of the others. I guess because it's cloaked in that sweet reasonableness I hear so often from my WS.

And, of course, the friends pick up the chorus.

Yes. Perhaps they had the right to make their "choices" to be selfish, betraying, etc., etc. What they don't accept is that I have the right to make my choices from what's been left to me: for example, the choice of who I include in my circle of friends.

I'm with you on that one A.M. It's part of reclaiming our lives back! Empowerment!

O

AM:

I have learned that innocent people accidently fall into emotional and sometimes Physical relationships all in the name of perceived spark of love. They simply and accidently fall into love with someone other than their loving spouse. Once they come to their senses and out of the fog, they resort back to normalcy and ask for forgiveness from their loved ones. These people normally deserve another chance.

I was bothered by this woman's boldness and her lack of caring and understanding of the pain she brought her family and her husband. Her self imposed posted thread was nothing more than you MB believers are all wrong and she wanted to tell us how happy her life is post divorce. I know she will fall down hard and I hope nobody is there to pick her up when that happens. She deserves to have a life of loneliness while her XH finds a nice loyal woman. I believe God gives us back everything we give too and her days are coming.

Thanks for your thoughts.

TooSoon

Oh yes, people make mistakes and get over them, etc. I'm one of them.

But the ones who are repeat offenders tend to calcify in the defense mechanisms that allowed the first offense. To pull down the justifications would allow too much remorse, so they become thick, impenetrable. Weeping, screaming, tears don't get to them.

That's why I chose silence.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

WS's like LTW are somewhat accustom to controlling the situation (including the BS) during their affair.

Once divorced the idea that the BS is no longer controllable or there for them as their "friend" seems unthinkable. After all, they were married for 20+ some odd years, how can they so easily cut contact and severe them from their lives.

I'm sure the fantasy-land version LTW was counting on was that everyone remains good pals and those needs that the BS WAS meeting as her spouse continue to be met as her now best buddy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jo

When I read LTW's posts and saw the word "unintentional" used to describe her past actions, I had a really hard time not posting, "So you're saying you slipped and fell on the OM's penis?"

The mental gymnastics people like that go through amaze me -- how do you actually "accidentally" have an affair and get a divorce?

ROTFLOL!

I noticed that our author on the other forum regarding this issue did not never reply to any of us. I guess we are all just like her ex-husband. We did not help justify, comfort, and agree with her choices and the results of those choices.

NW

Yea and I am still waiting for that WS/OW to ask the question she accused Chris of NOT answering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

One thing I know about Chris, he usually meets his challenges like that head on. When asked a question, he usually addresses it fairly quickly. Right Chris? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

What did she want us to say to her ....

This???

"I think your ex-husband needs to love and cherish you as his ex-wife. How dare he have his own feelings about your affair and start making choices for himself to protect himself from you by not talking to you or emailing you or loving you. Who cares that you are divorced and with an OM now, he should be there for you no matter what devistating or profoundly hurtful things you do to him. You need him dammit!"

(where's the pukie face?)

NM

<small>[ January 02, 2005, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>